DAILY PROPHET EXTRA!

[John Walton]

No: HPFGUIDX 8863

DAILY PROPHET SPECIAL OWL BULLETIN

Washington, D.C., 9 January
>From our Washington Correspondent, Jer E. Mander

In shock news today, one of the nominees for cabinet positions by
President-elect Ball N. Cheney [George W. Voldemort, surely? -Ed.] withdrew
her name from nomination, citing controversy about past employment of an
illegal alien.

"I am not Mother Teresa ... I have tried to do right by
people who have been in need," said Guila B. Flimflam in a hastily-organised
press conference in Washington.

Ms Flimflam had been nominated for the prestigious Minister of Work post by
George W. Voldemort, yet her image was tarnished by accusations that she
employed Venus D. Milo, an illegal alien from the planet Pluto, as a
housekeeper and maid for a period of two years, without paying Antisocial
Insecurity taxes. Labor groups had opposed Ms Flimflam's nomination on those
grounds. Now, it appears, she has jumped before being pushed, bitten the
bullet, kicked the bucket [enough metaphors. -Ed.].

I think it's a little hypocritical for Ms Flimflam to have employed Ms Milo,
particularly since she criticised Zo Bored for much the same thing. Now all
we have to do is find something on John Ashtree and the world will be safe
again,"

said s spokesman for the opposition Birthday Party, referring to President
William J. Libido's 1993 nomination of Ms Zo E. Bored for Minister of Law:

"I think most of the American people were upset during the Zoe Baird
nomination that she had hired an illegal alien,"
Ms. Flimflam had remarked on Public Wizarding Network's "MacNair-Loony
NewsHour" in December 1993.

The alien in question, Venus D. Milo, declined to be interviewed, although
sources report she is now a naturalised witch, having married the actor
Marvin T. Martian in a ceremony in Las Vegas.