Who's Next? (filk) (was: Who's going to die?)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 22259

Inspired by the current thread on JKR's mortality tables:

Who's Next?

(To the tune of Tom Lehrer's Who's Next?)

Dedicated to Jenny of Ravenclaw

First, Quirrell came to harm but that's OK
He fought for Voldy all the way
Flemel bought the farm, that's no tear-quencher
He's getting ready for a big adventure
Who's next?

Barty Crouch was turned to bone, 
While Diggory got laid out prone
We now ask of Books Seven Through Five
And the end of it all, who'll still survive?
Who's next?

Will Remus Lupin dance with wolves?
Will Hagrid get trampled by giant hooves?
Will Hogwarts School lose her big boss?
Will Pettigrew perish through a triple cross?
Who's next?

Is Black doomed `cause he's too true-blue?
We're sure to lose ol' You-Know-Who!
Will the Malfoys then perish, too?
And the rest of the DE crew?
The Weasleys from Art down to Gin:
Will we lose Ron? Or will it be the twins?
Who's next?

And the hero of our narrative
Is he gonna die or will he live?
Will he do Prince Hamlet or Henry Five?
And most of all, will Snape be alive?
Who's next? Who's next? Who's next? 
Who's next!?

   - CMC