SHIPPING of Love and War

[foxmoth at qnet.com]

No: HPFGUIDX 21003

--- In HPforGrownups at y..., "Ebony Elizabeth Thomas" <ebonyink at h...> 
wrote:

> > > > You see, after nearly a year of contemplation of the matter, I do
> >think that it's not the bickering that bothers me most about R/H.
> >It's their personalities.  Ron at this point in canon has many merits
> >as a character, but you must admit that he is needy.  Perhaps he'll
> >grow out of this.  My RL experiences with this personality type
> >indicate to me otherwise... we all carry ghosts of childhood along
> >with us, however deep they're buried.
 <snip> Ebony's RL experience

Here's my real life experience, which I put as a counter to all those 
who can't quite imagine how R/H could work...
	My husband and I met when we were both 18. In the early stages of 
our relationship, before either of us was prepared to admit there *was* 
a relationship, we spatted almost as much as Ron and Hermione. The 
sparring was, as I look back on it, a way for us to get to know each 
other, to find out what we cared about about, without dealing with the 
scary stuff. It was scary not only because we were both immature and 
inexperienced and insecure, but because we came from very different 
backgrounds. 
	I was a Jewish city child, he was an suburban W.A.S.P. Neither of 
us were *at all* what the other had previously envisioned as a romantic 
partner <g>. Although our immediate families were liberal, we both had 
grandparents we feared would disown us (turns we needn't have worried).
	Once we started going out together, the bickering died down. I 
don't share his grand passion for flying, he doesn't share my 
grand passion for books...but we're each amazed that we found somebody 
who was willing to give us space for that passion, and to understand 
how deeply important it is to us and respect us for something most 
people think is a bit daft. I don't need him to love HP as much as I 
do, but I do like it when he tells me that loving HP is okay.
	On Ron's neediness, I agree that the other two are just as needy, 
but Ron has a more outspoken style. But none of them seem to have the 
kind of manipulative neediness  that could destroy a relationship. 
Ron's never said, for example, "Well, if you cared about me, you'd let 
me copy your papers." They're not, any of them, thinking that if the 
right person fell in love with them, it would solve all their problems.
	So, from my perspective (we are celebrating our twentyfifth 
anniversary)  R/H could definitely have "legs".

Pippin