[HPforGrownups] Re: SHIPPING of Love and War

[Ebony Elizabeth Thomas]

No: HPFGUIDX 20999

Me:
> > > You see, after nearly a year of contemplation of the matter, I do
>think that it's not the bickering that bothers me most about R/H.
>It's their personalities.  Ron at this point in canon has many merits
>as a character, but you must admit that he is needy.  Perhaps he'll
>grow out of this.  My RL experiences with this personality type
>indicate to me otherwise... we all carry ghosts of childhood along
>with us, however deep they're buried.

Allison:
> > True, Ron can be a bit needy.  But Ron is a teenage boy.  As a
>teenage girl, I'm going to offer my expert opinion that ALL teenage
>boys are needy.  He may not grow out of it completely, but it should
>lessen with time.  All teenagers are somewhat insecure, and this
>tends to lead to neediness.  I think Ron will get better as he gets
>older.

I certainly hope so.  Rest assured that I am looking forward to Book 5 as 
eagerly as any R/H shipper.  I really want Ron to shine.  This was one thing 
that I do remember being disappointed re: GoF--that Ron didn't get his 
chance in the sun.  (Because of the pre-GoF rumors, I was fully expecting 
that Ron would do something spectacular, then die... and I was SO nervous 
until it was obvious that he was safe... I don't want him to die any more 
than the Ron-fans do.)

However, having said that, as a teacher of boys Ron's age... I am quite 
certain that not all of them are like Ron.  How can they be?  We've often 
discussed the factors that have made Ron into who he is--his family's 
socioeconomic status, birth order, perhaps even his dad's eccentricity.  
This combined with his personality has made him into the person he is today.

Also, *everyone* is needy in some way, not just teenage boys.  Some of us 
are just more needy than others.

I am NOT saying that Ron is or will be an emotional leech.  But I re-read 
PS/SS last week--and I must say I miss 11 year old Ron a lot.  ;-)  So I am 
sure that after Book Five, things will turn out as the R/Hers and 
no-shippers say.

At least, I hope so.

Emma:
>I have issues with Ron.  When we were reading Harry Potter together,
>my psycho ex always identified with Ron, the needy personality type.
>He never understood why Hermione wasn't more into him, why she wasn't
>more attentive to him.  And now, in retrospect, I see a lot of my
>ex's neediness in Ron.  He has some bluster, but really no deeply-
>ingrained self-confidence to carry him through the rough spots.  He's
>defined by his family more than by his own actions.  And he can't
>quite seem to go it alone, at least not to me.  This is what makes me
>really dread to see Hermione and Ron end up together.  Ron is clingy,
>yet oblivious.  I think he would wear down Hermione, much like my ex
>wore me down over the years.  And I want to see our fiesty Hermione
>do better for herself than get involved in a relationship with an
>emotionally needy individual.

Yes, yes, yes.  *This* nagged at me when I closed GoF after reading for the 
first time.  I was thinking, "JKR's about to fix up Ron and Hermione 
together, and neither of them are going to be very happy."  The vast 
majority of my shipmates that I've corresponded or chatted with don't 
dislike Ron as much as we're purported to.  But you'll find that the two 
major het-ships have *very* different views of Crookshanksgate... anyway, 
I'm getting away from what I wanted to post about.

Like Emma, real life has influenced my reading of this.  I too have an ex 
who was sarcastic and funny and the sort of guy everyone wants as a good 
friend, but who is *very* overshadowed by his "total package" older brother. 
  His family is more Malfoy than Weasley, but because of this he always went 
to exclusive prep schools in which he was often the only black student in 
his grade, if not the school... so like Ron he felt "different" than the 
other kids... and then in the black community he was *again* not of the norm 
because he came from money.  He's a brilliant and talented guy, yet is 
*extremely* moody and insecure.

We had a similar relationship pattern to what I see developing in canon 
between R and H--we were very good friends who liked our spats and debates 
and differences in opinion.  Everyone concluded that we were therefore a 
love-match... that this sort of thing was cute.  He started seeing me as 
more than a friend first... I'm sure I knew this before he did.  I liked him 
a whole lot, and I was single, so I said "why not?" and we became a couple.

It didn't work out.  Talk about *draining*.  I felt like I was on a constant 
roller coaster.  The good times were extremely good, but the bad times were 
quite bad.  Our relationship lasted a *lot* longer than it should have... 
three years, while we were ages 16 to 19... and ended very, very (did I say 
very?) badly.  It is only in recent years that we've found each other again 
and become the best of friends.

I do believe that friends make the best lovers, and I've never been in a 
relationship with someone who I wasn't friends with for a very long time 
first (which is why I find it easy to be a shipper).  But my college LTR was 
a lot less volatile and a lot more tranquil than my high school one.  Having 
experienced both types, I much prefer the latter.

Of course, Hermione might not be really anything like me (although every 
time I take an HP character test, she *always* pops up first, followed 
closely by McGonagall and Percy), and I could just be overreacting to 
something that triggered a lot of bad memories in me.  But the inspiration 
for all my writing comes from real life... so it was very easy for me to 
think up a Worst Case Scenario for R/H that I hope never, ever happens.

I'm sure JKR can convince me that Ron and Hermione can work as a couple.  
But I'd much rather Harry, Ron, and Hermione just stay good friends in 
canon.  Which is why sometimes on starlit nights, I stand on the deck of the 
imposing SS H/H, dreaming of the fabled ghost submarine Uboat No-Ship...

OK, I'm getting weird.  Time to get offline and walk back through the 
gateway at Platform 9 3/4 to the Muggle world.  ;-)

--Ebony

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Ebony AKA AngieJ
ebonyink at hotmail.com

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