Magic Bus Driver (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 14318

Magic Bus Driver (from PoA, Ch. 3)

(To the tune of Paperback Writer)

Dedicated to Rita Winston

(The Scene: Magnolia Crescent, late at night. HARRY has just departed 
from the Dursleys under less than cordial circumstances, and finds 
himself with nowhere to go)

HARRY
I'm in trouble now, I just blew up Aunt Marge
>From Hogwarts it's certain I'm to be discharged
A giant dog is somewhere lurking `round at large 
And I need some help, if I am to be a survivor
Privet Survivor!

(He loses his balance, and falls backwards, inadvertently signaling 
the Knight Bus. The conductor  STAN SHUNPIKE emerges)

STAN 
Give me your wand hand, since you flagged us down 
Just fifteen sickles and you're off to London town  
Get some hot chocolate, don your evening gown
You can call me Stan, and Ern'll be your magic bus driver

STAN AND ERNIE
Magic bus driver!

HARRY
Drive me to Diagon, Diagon Diagon

(The bus roars off, lurching violently from side to side)

STAN
Now, sit back, young Neville, and enjoy the ride
Just watch the trees and houses leaping to one side
When they hear the Knight Bus, the path they open's wide
And we'll never hit a thing, because we're not a supercollider

STAN AND ERNIE
Supercollider!

(The bus pulls up in front of The Leaky Cauldron . Cornelius Fudge 
and Tom, the Cauldron's proprietor, are waiting out front). 

STAN
We have reached our stop with zigging and some zags
Corny and Tom are here to take your bags
And if ever you are stranded, wave your wand and flag
For Ernie and Stan, your reliable magic bus drivers!

STAN, ERN AND "NEVILLE"
Magic bus drivers!

(Harry disembarks – the Knight Bus roars off and vanishes)

   - CMC