If You Wanna Be a Dursley (filk)

[Angela Boyko]

No: HPFGUIDX 15561

If You Wanna Be a Dursley (filk)

To the tune of "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls

Dedicated to Caius Marcius

The scene: Petunia Dursley opens her front door and discovers baby Harry
on the doorstep. She screams, Vernon comes running,

Vernon: Petunia, why did you scream? The neighbours must have heard you?

(Music starts)

Petunia:  Vern, I'll tell you why I screamed, why I really really
screamed,
Vernon:	  So tell me why you screamed, why you really really screamed
Petunia:  It's very very horrid, so very very horrid
Vernon:	  So, tell me what's so horrid, so very very horrid
Petunia:  It's the [what?], It's the [what?], It's the [what?], It's the
[what?]
          It's Lily & James' baby boy, on our doorstep!

(Petunia stares firmly at Harry as Vernon grabs the letter Dumbledore
left and reads it)

Petunia:  If you want a home here, forget about that
          If you wanna get with us, we don't need a brat
          Now don't go thinking, we want your kind here
          Why would we ever want, your diapered rear?

Vernon:	  I'll tell what I read, what the letter really really said
Petunia:  So tell me what you read, what the letter really really said
Vernon:	  It says that, it says that, it says that, it says that
          We have to really really really really, take the boy in

Vernon:   Now how about that? It makes me mad,
          Bringing up the boy, I won't be his dad
          I dislike his kind, oh yes I do
          Dumping that boy here like a ruddy shoe

(Vernon & Petunia sing to Harry)

If you wanna be a Dursley, get with our type
Don't be doing funny stuff, we'll hit you with a pipe
If you wanna be a Dursley, you must fit in
Or we'll be stuffing you, into the dustbin

(Fast forward eight and half years. Dudley is bullying Harry in the
living room)

Dudley:   So here's the story from A to - uh
          You wanna turn age ten, you gotta watch it, uh huh,
          Mummy loves me, she hates the sight of your face
          Dadsie loathes you, he thinks you're a disgrace
          I'm Dudley D, I'm the prince of the house
          And as for you, why yer a louse!

(Vernon and Petunia enter, and the three Dursleys sing to Harry)

Get in your cupboard, under the stairs!
Get in your cupboard, under the stairs!
-- 
Behold Angela the Brave!		ICQ: 65588507
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