Suspended Our Words (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 18784

Author's Note: Something I just recently noticed is that Draco's 
sidekicks Crabbe and Goyle, though they are variously described as 
sniggering, grinning, laughing, rubbing their knuckles, chuckling 
trollishly, chortling, etc., etc, have no dialogue assigned to them 
at all in the entire series.  They are occasionally observed to be 
speaking with Draco, but the content of these colloquies is withheld 
from the reader.  The only time the speech of "Crabbe" and "Goyle" is 
recorded is in CoS, when they are being impersonated via Polyjuice by 
Harry and Ron. 

So how might the "real" Crabbe and Goyle feel about this? 

Suspended Our Words

(To the tune of The End of the World)

The SCENE: Slytherin Common Room. Enter VINCENT CRABBE and GREGORY 
GOYLE

BOTH
Why don't we get any quote marks?
Why don't our quips get set down?
JKR has suspended our words
We don't get to use verbs and nouns

Why do we two only chortle?
Why don't we discourse or chat?
JKR has suspended our words
She will not let us chew the fat.

GOYLE
My pal Vincent's a quite persuasive wonder
Of his wit and culture there can be no doubt

CRABBE
My friend Gregory's a font of hilarity
But his every wisecrack gets left out

BOTH
Why aren't we done by Jim Dale? 
Why doesn't Fry do our voice?
JKR has suspended our words
She will not give them any choice



- CMC