[HPforGrownups] Snape's Voldemort memories

[Rachel Fellman]

No: HPFGUIDX 28701

...guilt and self hatred add an extra edge
> of
> nastiness. I suspect he did some things as a DE he
> cannot now forgive himself for. 

   I'm not sure how much Snape actually thinks about
those things, at least at the beginning. Snape as we
see him in the first three books seems to have become
very good at scabbing over his memories of that
particular time- he'll brood and agonize endlessly
over his student days, and extend that into all sorts
of paranoid imaginings about Harry, but there's no
sign that he's thinking at all about the intervening
time. Thinking only of things that other people have
done to him allows him to only hate other people, and
consider himself pure. I think that one part of the
Brain of Severus is doing this for another part's own
good- on some level, he knows that if he allows
himself to dwell on his time with Voldemort, he'll end
up punishing his own "incompetence" with the same
severity that he does everybody else's. 
   Snape's freak-out at the end of PoA, and his hatred
of Harry reaching a fever pitch in GoF, are signals
that this is coming to an end; he's starting to
realize that his past is going to come back. He clings
at first to all of the old defenses, but in the end he
has to choose a path, just like everybody else at the
end of GoF. Pretend nothing is happening, or look the
situation in the face? Obviously, brave and reasonable
person that he ultimately is, he picks the face one.
   It's not like Snape spends the first three books
and most of the fourth as a coward hiding his head in
the sand. From day to day, we see him admirably
performing his duties as a teacher, with the
occasional feat of deduction or bravery to keep things
interesting. It's not like this scabbing-over of his
Voldemort memories is affecting his abilities in
ordinary situations (and even some extraordinary
ones). Even so, the method he chooses -dwelling on his
school days instead- repeatedly causes him to act in
an immature manner (which obviously detracts from his
and Dumbledore's higher goals) whenever he feels that
somebody in the situation at hand has abused him in
the past. This is no good.  
    I find it interesting to draw parallels between
Severus, Remus and Sirius. They are all people who are
awakened, at some point in the series, from
sleepwalking- Sirius from his hopeless state in
Azkaban, Lupin from friendless drifting, and Snape
from his cozy illusion of being nothing but an
unfairly persecuted Potions master.    
   Now, it'll be very interesting to see how Snape is
portrayed in OoP. Now that he's staring directly at
his past, how will he react? Is this when the
self-loathing part starts?
  (Bear in mind that, as I reread PoA and GoF for the
first time after a long period of Potter-downtime, I
may change some of my opinion.)

>    I assume we will someday find out why he turned
> back to the good side and just what he did to make
> Dumbledore trust him. Should be darned interesting.

   I don't think that Snape really had one particular
reason for either of his side switches. He most likely
went over to evil because he got (and still does get)
a huge kick out of *acting* evil and using his power
to get back at all of those dumb-jock popular kids.
(No, I love MWPP too, but I'm trying to get into
Snape's brain here...and I think that in his brain,
most people he meets are the adult equivlent of
dumb-jock popular kids.) And I think that he returned
to Dumbledore because he realized -like Draco really
should before I start to seriously hate Draco- that
there's a heck of a lot more to evil than that. Also,
I think that Snape realized that he wants an ordered
universe more than anything else- he wants to make
everything perfect and ruled by reason. That's not
something you get serving darkness.
   Which is not say that some incident, prefrably one
recounted at length by JKR, did not contribute as
well. ~_^ Hey, I may think that he wasn't converted by
something specific happening, but that doesn't stop me
from wanting more Snape! (And more Lupin and Sirius!
Whoo-hoo!)
   First post bla bla bla...  
-Rachel


__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Find a job, post your resume.
http://careers.yahoo.com