SHIP: CUPID'SBLUDGER on the rebound (WAS: Snape's Secret Snogging)

[charisjulia]

No: HPFGUIDX 38141

It is a beautiful, balmy, sun--baked day over in the regions of Canon 
Cove. The sky is cloudless and not a even a hint of a wave disturbs 
the smooth waters. All is quiet and peaceful. . . Huh, what? All? 
Well maybe not * all*. . . Almost unnoticeable a faint ripple 
distorts the flat surface of the calm waters. Canonical plausibility 
has been disturbed. Something is emerging from the deep.


Down, down, down in the abyss of the depths Captain Charis Julia of 
the rather battered and a bit the worse for wear 
C.U.P.I.D.'S.B.L.U.D.G.E.R. is swinging her periscope first left and 
then right. Suddenly she stops. "What's that?" she ask herself. "Why, 
a rock and . . . and a sailor standing on it!". One lone sailor in 
the middle of an endless ocean, standing on a rock and calling 
out: "Arabella! It could be Arabella! Snape might have been in love 
with Arabella!" Curiouser and curiouser. . . 

L. Terrell Gould, III wrote:

>Upon listening to PS/SS the other day (Jim Dale version), an odd and
>troubling thought popped into my head. It is mentioned, rather off 
>handedly as
>the narrator is listing reasons Harry hates it at her home, that 
>Mrs. Figg's
>house smells of cabbage. Cabbage? Well, of course, this could just 
>be to stress
>how old she is (I know quite a few "people of age" who have adopted 
>a rather
>:curious odor closely akin to cabbage), OR, adding to the pot the 
>fact that we
>"know" she is a witch (the very same Arabella Figg mentioned in 
>GoF), maybe the
>smell isn't cabbages at all, but brewing potions! Stay with me 
>here...... Ok,
>so the idea that Mrs. Figg may be very talented at potions, who 
>better to
>attract the oh-so-terribly-lonesome-heart of one....... Severus 
>Snape!

So, L. Terrell Gould, III, you think Snape might have had a 
girlfriend (other than Lily), do you? Hmmm, interesting. . . 


Now, see, normally I wouldn't broach this subject at all, not with 
the innocent at any rate, not with the uninitiated, 'cos you see it's 
really kinda, errrr, well, <Charis shifts uncomfortably in her seat>, 
well, kinda * taboo*. And, err if any of the Mods, or List Elves or 
Poltergeists happen to be hovering around. . . <faint shiver passes 
down back>. . . well, let's just not think about that, shall we? It 
doesn't matter anyway 'cos now all that's changed. Now, * now* I've 
got * cabbage*! You've given me * cabbage*! I mean, it's * cabbage*, 
and Mrs Figg * smells* of it. She smells of cabbage, and we all know 
that, it's stated in * Canon* and obviously, * obviously* this is 
important. It's way important. It's huge, astounding, momentous. It's 
Cabbage.


Huh? Whasat? What' s C.U.P.I.D.'S.B.L.U.D.G.E.R.? Good question. 
Well, to tell you the truth, it's a (fully –legitimate, mind) SHIP. 
It's name stands for Contrary to Unrequited Passion Infelicitously 
Devouring Severus, Black's Love of Unknown Damsel Get's Expected 
Response. According to C.U.P.I.D.'S.B.L.U.D.G.E.R. Severus Snape fell 
for the same girl as Sirius Black. We had a quite interesting and 
also rather, hmm, funny and, well, yes, bordering on the silly 
discussion of this theory a while ago that quickly got rather, errr, 
wonky, as Cupid kept on adding to an ever—growing collection of 
Quidditch balls (Cupid's Snitch, C.U.P.I.D.'S.Q.U.A.F.F.L.E.), but 
<Charis hurriedly interjects> that merely proves it's unlimited 
adaptability, that does. We cater for all tastes.


What does all this have to do with Arabella Figg? Errr, well that's 
exactly were things start getting rather, well, sticky. It was about 
this time I recall that Elkins decided to pull a straight face and 
haul me over to the OT—Chatter. Hmmm, that of course was really 
because of E.L.G.I.N.M.A.R.B.L.E.S. (Excitable Love God's 
Irresponsible Negligence over Marauders' Affairs Results in Break—ups 
and Love—starved Educators Sorrowing), a perfectly respectable, 
though slightly, errr, unfounded and very <slight cough> * pink* 
suggestion that well, got wilder and wilder as it progressed. And, 
yes, it was banished. Excommunicated. <slight flinch> * Sunk*.


But <conciderably brighter> of course all this was ages ago. . . all 
b.C. (before Cabbage). Now, after armouring myself with the crispiest 
leaves (cabbage is flotsam, isn't it?), I feel brave enough to 
attempt a rescue mission for Arabella at least, if not the whole of 
E.L.G.I.N.M.A.R.B.L.E.S.


In E.L.G.I.N.M.A.R.B.L.E.S. I suggested –albeit rather tongue—in—
cheek style—that the Mystery Girl could in fact be none other than 
the Fantastic Mrs. Figg, adopting the little old lady disguise in 
order to watch over Harry while he's at the Dursleys and shunning the 
wizarding world because Vold War I in combination with Friends 
Deaths, Boyfriend's Betrayal and Discovery of Admirer's Death—Eating 
Past drove her to Muggledom.


This proposal has the advantage of:
 

1) explaining Mrs Figg's generous embracing of the Muggle World 
despite almost all wizards' (even the Weasleys') rather condescending 
attitude towards non—magical people.


2) giving the books a witch in her 30's, of which breed there seems 
to be a conspicuous lack up till now in Canon


3) explaining Snape and Sirius's pre--PoA mutual abhorrence and 
providing the Prank with an believable backstory instead of the 
flimsy "slimy, oily, greasy—haired tell—tale that tried to get us 
expelled" story that Sirius seems to be stubbornly sticking to 
despite it's rather unflattering insinuations for his character.


4) having inexhaustible supplies of potential for future development 
as all characters involved are still actually * alive*.


5)offering the possibility of a new, more accepting and understanding 
wizarding appreciation of Muggles, which is truly in tune with the 
Light Side's anti—discrimination principles.

6)Managing to neatly wrap up into one wonderful theory both George 
and Big Bang (George playing Exploding Snap anyone?) as nobody is 
actually sugesting that love--affairs rule Snape's life, and only  
carefully calculated pressure at crucial cornerstones of his life is 
applied to nudge him in the right direction. Arabella, in my version 
of events, is merely the catalyst, not the cause of Snape's choises.

L. Terrell again:
>This theory (with Mrs.Figg) suits me because it means Snape might 
have a chance for >happiness in the future

Well, yeah, I guess you could have Arabella ending up with Snape in 
the end if you must, though personally I'd rather see her with 
Sirius. I like my Snape nasty and embittered. But, hey!, there's no 
accounting for taste, is there?

Incidentally if you're interested in looking up the full story behind 
my hurried presentation check out Messages 35144, 35156, 35303, 
35375, 35683, 35318 and attached answers from this Chamber and 9715 
and 9902 from the OT—Chatter.

Charis Julia, pointing out that it is in ship—wrecks that the most 
splendid treasures can be found.