SHIP: CUPID'SBLUDGER on the rebound

[charisjulia]

No: HPFGUIDX 38270

Woo—hoo! C.U.P.I.D.'S.B.L.U.D.G.E.R. sets sail once more with 
billowed cabbage!


L. Terrel Gould III wrote:


>"Pinching his nose, Harry drank the potion down in two large gulps. 
It tasted
>like overcooked cabbage."
>
>Ten points to anyone who knows what potion he's drinking! Oh, what 
the heck, I
>can't stand the suspense. It polyjuice potion! Hmmmmm............ 
maybe Mrs. A.
>Figg is in actuality a young, beautiful, and much-beloved-by-Snape 
protectress
>of Harry under the influence of polyjuice potion (now backed by 
canon?), much
>in the same prolonged way as Crouch Jr. 
>
>I will allow space here for your many "Aha!"s, applause, and the 
throwing of
>trinkets of your affection (chocolate is best).


Aaaaaand it's take—off! C.U.P.I.D.'S.B.L.U.D.G.E.R. magically 
transfigures into a high—teck, state—of—the—art hydroplane that takes 
to the skies niftily dodging all ca(n)nons sent it's way. Leroyal 
Terrel Gould, feeling that he's earned his rest after a good post's 
worth of stuffing cabbage leaves down all the holes and leaks, 
settles back in his first--class lounger as a crew of A.F.R.I.C.A.N. 
H.I.P.P.I.E.S. (Thanks Tabouli!) promptly scoot up to serve him a 
special-- order in—flight meal of high—quality, milk, alpine 
chocolate (try the caramel ones—they're delicious!).


Eeeeek! Suddenly the aircraft swerves violently to the left. 


Ali fired:


> Hagrid says:
> 
> "But I'd had me orders from Dumbledore, an' I told Black no, 
> Dumbledore said Harry was ter go ter his aunt an' uncle's. Black 
> argued, but in the end he gave in".


Phooey. There I was all happily nodding along to Cindy's Black Knew 
Where Harry Lived Due To Arabella's Pillow Talk and ping! A lousy ca
(n)non zips past my nose and clips off the tail—wings.


Cindy defented her theory bravely but. . . Aw, Cindy. I just don't 
know how to break this to you but I'm, err, I'm afraid that we're 
just going to have to, err, well, you know <very quickly> chuck the 
whole idea out of the window, really. <flinch> Captain (remembering 
Cindy is Tough and not really quite sure about that look in her 
eye): "Come on, Cindy. . . don't, don't glare at me like that . . . 
it's for the common good. . . look, <defensively> get a hold of 
yourself, will you! It just didn't fly Cindy, it didn't fly!


See, the main problem with the Pillow Talk Theory is that if Sirius 
really did run straight to his old flame Arabella as soon as he 
escaped from Azkaban and if Arabella really had heard him out, then 
why didn't she simply put him on a leash, trot over to the Weasleys 
for a visit and ask to see their rat? She must have known him pretty 
well after all. Surely she didn't believe that he could actually 
handle the situation on his own, did she?!


On top of that, Azkaban!Sirius doesn't really strike me as being in 
an extremely wooing—long—lost—loves mode, to tell you the truth. I 
mean he's all in this PTSD, grief—riddled, guilt—ridden, obsessive--
broken--man--in--dire--need--of--a--shower--and—haircut mess. So, 
much as I love the Pillow Talk idea, I'm guessing that he wouldn't 
really be, well, err—hem, up to it. And, yeah, Sirius does have a one—
track mind, but sometimes a man's just got more presing matters to 
attend. But of course he wasn't completely oblivious to her close 
presence, which was how he came to be prowling round her house at No 
2 Magnolia Crescent hoping to catch a glimpse of her through the 
window.


Tell you what we definitely do have here though. We have the obvious 
answer to Sirius's curiously fuzzy choice of name for his canine 
alias. It was Arabella's cute little hypocorism for him, see. In the 
cold, terror—struck years of Voldemort's era only one place remains 
cozy and warm: Through the closed door of the Blacks' bedroom a 
girlish giggle rings out: "Ooooh, Snuffles! That tickles!"



Eloise:
> Mmm.....Perhaps this *is* the reason for her lonely exile. Sirius 
is 
> arrested. Arabella is heartbroken and can't live with the looks she 
gets as 
> the despised lover of that dangerous criminal, Sirius Black, so she 
turns her 
> back on the wizarding world and, known only to Dumbledore (and the 
hair 
> donor) goes to do what she can to protect her beloved's godson. I 
mean, it's 
> a pretty big thing she's done, isn't it?


Bull's—eye! Exactly. And it wasn't only the cold—shouldering she had 
to put up with either. Her wounds run much deeper than that. Internal 
angst and conflict are the real hounding torment she flees from in 
vain. Guilt. Regret. And not to mention -- Disillusionment. What had 
the Wizarding world offered her? Nothing but grief and loss. 11 years 
under a Dark Lord's reign at the end of which all the total sum—up 
runs thus: Lily and James – dead. Little Peter – dead. Sirius Black – 
a murdering spy, Severus Snape – Death Eater! Is nobody safe! So, 
when the wizading world turns it's back on her, she turns her back on 
the wizarding world. "Contra Mundum!" she howls dramatically before 
retiring to Muggledom. She agrees to watch over Harry though, much 
for the same reason Sirius returns to Britain to be near him: got to 
fulfil her duty as godmother. They're a good couple that way.


But, yeah. What about that hair—donor then? Hmmm. <Charis busily 
scrounges through Canon.> What we need is an elderly witch of whom 
Harry has heard but not however yet seen. . . A—ha! Yes! That's it! 
Great—Auntie Enid.


Aaaah. . . So here lies the real reason behind Snape's unreasonable 
spitefulness against Neville! He's jealous, don't you know. Full of 
rancour against Auntie Enid for all the time she gets to spend with 
his beloved Arabella. And since, as we know, Snape has no quibbles 
about visiting the sins of the parents (or great—aunts) on the 
children, he takes it all out on the unfortunate Neville. Besides 
Neville himself is gravely at fault here too. I mean, he practically 
grew up in constant contact with a morphed Arabella regularly over at 
the Longbottoms for her fix -- while Snape swept menacingly around in 
cold, underground dungeons all by himself. . . Grrrr!


See, after Voldemort's fall Snape should have had it made. The 
hypocrite Black had conveniently gone and proven himself a traitor 
and a killer breaking Arabella's heart. What * should* then have 
followed was that she, realizing what an atrocious mistake she had 
made, would fling herself into his own willing arms imploring for 
forgiveness and begging him to accept her. What really * did* happen 
of course was that Arabella, disgusted at him for being a DE, 
embittered against the whole wizarding race and really a strong woman 
anyway who can deal with her own problems by herself thank--you--very-
-much, refused to ever set eyes on him again preferring to associate 
with none except those fumbling fools, the Londbottoms. Boo.


As proof of this obviously invincible assumption I offer Snape's 
otherwise inexplicable (;--)) resentment of the Boggart/ Grandmother 
incident. They are deriding him! Implying that only rigged up as a 
dreadful old lady with a vulture hat could he ever secure Bella's 
interest! The cheek of it.

Laura lamented:


>...perhaps violent isn't the best word to describe it...I just 
want...Edge! 
> That's what I want. A female character (preferably quite evil) with 
her own
> let-me-take-over-the-world-so-others-will-have-to-give-me-pedicures-
with-their-t\
> eeth schmaz.

You're forgetting Mrs Lestrange.


Charis Julia astounds all by actually quoting some Canon: "The Dark 
Lord will rise again, Crouch! Throw us into Azkaban, we will wait! He 
will rise again and will come for us, he will reward us beyond any of 
his other supporters!"


So, yeah, OK, she's relying on Voldemort for her share of glory and 
world—domination – but, hey, how many Evil Overlords can one fit into 
a single series? And really, you can hardly hold she's not * 
enterprising* at least. Edge? Gee, I don't know. Too early on to tell 
really. Though to tell you the truth she strikes me more as being 
rather * off* the Edge than having it. . . Hmmm, can one actually 
have Edge and be Evil simultaneously? Wouldn't the one cancel the 
other out? Dunno. 


L, Terrell Gould:

>just a suggestion.... Sometimes a dark and brooding bat persona,
>is just a dark and brooding bat persona....

Please, Terrell, don't let's be absurd! Tut! The ideas some people * 
do* come up with!


Charis Julia, who really must stop undermining her own perfectly 
acceptable theories through ridiculous elaborations.