Dudley Gets Diddley (filk)

[coriolan_cmc2001]

No: HPFGUIDX 42920

Dudley Gets Diddley (GoF, Chap. 3)

(to the tune of Moses Supposes, from Singin' in the Rain)

Dedicated to Darrin

THE SCENE: Four Privet Drive. In the kitchen, HARRY and the DURSLEYS 
gather for breakfast, or rather for the attenuated fare that passes 
under that name since Dudley perforce began his Spartan diet. HARRY, 
having ample provender stocked away in his room, views the 
proceedings with amusement

VERNON (spoken, indicating his portion) Is this it?

PETUNIA (initially spoken, but gradually sliding into musical 
cadences)
Dudley gets deadly when gets he fed diddley, 
But Dudley's too flabby, as dad, he can see

HARRY (likewise)
Dudley, indeed he, do now he his duty, 
For did he eat diddley a light dude he'd be 

BOTH 
Dudley gets deadly when gets he fed diddley, 
But Dudley's too flabby, as dad, he can see

HARRY: For Dudley, our Dude!
PETUNIA: Less feeding on food!
HARRY: Unfed and unglued!

BOTH (music)
Hooptie doodie doodle
Dudley gets deadly when gets he fed diddley, 
But Dudley's too flabby, as dad, he can see
Dudley, indeed he, do now he his duty,
For did he eat diddley a light dude he'd be

PETUNIA & (HARRY)
Dudley
(Dudley gets deadly when gets he fed diddley)
Dudley
(Dudley's too flabby, as dad, he can see)
Dudley
(Food he once chewed, gee, should now be echewed, see)
BOTH: For the nurse, she thinks worsely if Dursley's porky!

HARRY: The food we allude to ain't fast food or snack food
PETUNIA: Our duty for Dudley is make him more cuddly 

BOTH
Cannot have his fries in a mega-super size
We gotta shrivel Dud or his name is mud!
Dudley!
Dudley!
Dudley!

(PETUNIA and HARRY boogie energetically around the kitchen in an 
extended dance sequence that would do Gene Kelly & Donald O'Connor 
proud)

AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

(Vernon and Dudley roll their eyes, sigh, and resume their meal of 
grapefruit)

   - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm