Re: Florence, Bertha and C.U.P.I.D.’S.B.L.U.D.G.E.R. (WAS C.U.P.I.D.’S.B.L.U.D.G

[cindysphynx]

No: HPFGUIDX 35156

Charis Julia wrote (about George and LOLLIPOPS):

>But errmm
 that's 
> also what I have against George. Where's all the glorious, 
traumatic 
> drama? No,no George won't do.

 AND 

>             Then there's L.O.L.L.I.P.O.P.S. No lack of drama there! 
> In fact it's oozing out of every porthole! But, ahh
 Well
TEWW EWW 
to 
> be TREWW!!! 

What?  No Mercy, Mercy II or Prince?  They can't even get a nod, a 
wave, a cavalier dismissal?  Ouch!

Charis Julia again (about Tew Eww to be Trew):

>And I don't need Lily museums in Snape's dungeons to 
> think that (urg,urg, who came up with that gruesome picture that's 
> been tormenting me ever since I read it by popping up in my mind at 
> unexpected intervals?) 

<raises hand>  It was I, Captain, who has forever planted the image 
of "Poor Pitiful Snape Fondling Pictures Of Lily While Shivering 
Alone In The Dungeon" in your mind.  Sorry.  It was an ugly job, but 
someone had to do it. :-)

Charis Julia again (explaining the new theory):

>No, I think that all in all I shall stick to my initial 
> explanation of events, a little theory of my own that I have been 
> nursing for  almost two years now: Severus fell in love with, not 
> James's, but Sirius's girl!

I would like to serve as tugboat and see if I can help push this 
Sirius & Snape SHIP theory out into the open water.  ::looks around 
on deck for canon, finds mostly speculation::  This version veers a 
bit from Charis Julia's original, but here it is anyway.

I've always wondered what was going on in Dumbledore's Pensieve.  A 
sixteen-year old Bertha Jorkins appears and delivers one line:  "He 
put a hex on me, Professor Dumbledore, and I was only teasing him, 
sir, I only said I'd seen him kissing Florence behind the greenhouses 
last Thursday. . . ."  Dumbledore replies, "But why, Bertha, . . . 
why did you have to follow him in the first place?"

We know for certain that Sirius (and therefore Snape) was in school 
with Bertha.  So . . . Florence must have been Snape's girlfriend, 
Sirius was kissing her and generally putting the moves on her, and 
Sirius cursed Bertha when he thought she was going to tell Snape.  
That makes some sense -- what woman dating Snape would say no to a 
little romp with Sirius?  :-)  Sirius put some sort of curse on 
Bertha (botched memory charm?), but Bertha later told Snape 
everything she had seen.  

This caused Snape to hate Sirius and the Marauders even more.  They 
have everything, don't they?  Popularity, academic success, athletic 
ability, women, werewolf adventures, good looks, clean hair.  But 
that's not enough.  Noooo, Sirius has to fool around with Snape's 
girlfriend, not because Sirius loves her, but just because Sirius 
can.  Snape won't take Florence back because of her betrayal, but he 
loves her, so he prefers to blame Sirius rather than Florence.

The Prank probably came after the Kissing incident.  Bertha was "a 
few years ahead" of the Marauders at Hogwarts.  The Marauders didn't 
learn how to become Animagi until their fifth year, IIRC.  So the 
Kissing happens, then the Prank comes later.  And the Prank was the 
Last Straw for Snape. ::shades of Prince:: 

Note that the theory does not require a belief that Sirius actually 
put a memory charm on Bertha, although he may have tried to.  This is 
consistent with Sirius' descriptions of Bertha of dumb at Hogwarts 
but not forgetful.  "Maybe she's changed since I knew her, but the 
Bertha I knew wasn't forgetfull at all -- quite the reverse.  She was 
a bit dim, but she had an excellent memory for gossip.  It used to 
get her into a lot of trouble; she never knew when to keep her mouth 
shut."  In Sirius' fireside chat with Harry, he says:  "Listen, I 
knew Bertha Jorkins . . . She was at Hogwarts when I was, a few years 
above your dad and me.  And she was an idiot.  Very nosy, but no 
brains, none at all.  It's not a good combination."

As for Florence, I imagine that Snape reduced her to a smouldering 
heap of ash, which he keeps in an urn on his bedside table, right 
next to Lily's yearbook photo.  :-)

Cindy (who can't imagine Snape as the sort to forgive Florence and 
take her back into his dungeon)