Avery and Ambushes

Sat Feb 16 10:31:47 UTC 2002

No: HPFGUIDX 35324

The not-altogether-lacking-in-blood-thirst herself Tabouli wrote:

> A mere hour later she has managed to convince Pigwidgeon, Errol and
> Hedwig to sacrifice their lives and feathers for the cause, and is 
> swiftly, silently closing in on the savage sofa springers, ready to 
> smother and bind them all in...

> F.E.A.T.H.E.R.B.O.A.S.! (Foaming Enthusiasts of Ambush, Torture, and
> Hostility, Embracing Really Bloodthirsty Operations And Savagery))

Elkins, blinking quizzically as she tries to deduce just what Cindy 
might have *meant* when she just hissed "Take one for the team, 
Elkins!" and shoved her off of the rock like that, catches her 
balance, removes her pipe from her mouth to gesticulate, half-turns, 
and has time for only the briefest of alarmed squawks before finding 
herself lying on soft sand, wrapped head to toe in mangy old feather 
boas.  She thrashes wildly for a few moments then freezes, staring in 
disbelief at the bloodied owl feathers -- the bloodied and yet 
monstrously *familiar* owl feathers -- from which her bonds would 
seem to be crafted.

"I--" she gasps, a look of sick horror slowly spreading across her 
face.  "Errol?"  And then a hoarse, a disbelieving whisper: "*Pig*?"

"NO!" she screams, struggling madly to free herself from the remains 
of these cruelly- and gratuitously-sacrificed minor characters.  
"NO!  Oh my God, Tabouli, what have you *done?*  MURDERER! 
MADWOMAN!!  FIEND!!!!"

As she degenerates into incoherent hysteria, Elkins' alarmed 
companions rush to her aid: Tough Cindy, who begins slapping her 
repeatedly in the face while screaming, spit flying from the corners 
of her mouth, "Suck it *up,* soldier!  Suck it *up,* damn you!"; and 
Amiable Eileen (looking cute as all get-out in that horned helmet she 
always wears to our FEATHERBOAS meetings as a part of her blood-
thirsty "Lucky Kari" persona), who after a few futile attempts at 
intervention ("Er...Cindy?  I, um, don't think that that's 
necessarily, um, helping.  I think, you know, that the...the 
*hitting* may be...well, it just might be increasing her sense of 
anxiety..."), simply shrugs, sighs, shakes her head, and goes off to 
brew a nice hot cup of tea.

Some time later, having restored a good deal of Elkins' equanimity
(or at the very least, her *sanguinity*) by whipping out her tattered 
old cloth-bound copy of the _The Lord of the Rings_ and reading 
aloud -- in a calm and soothing and unthreatening tone of voice -- 
that nice passage from "The Siege of Gondor" in which the forces of 
Mordor demoralize their enemies by catapulting the heads of the 
fallen over the walls of the city, Eileen admits:

> I said, "Crouch Jr., Lestranges, and another DE" to myself, and 
> never even thought of it again. I also ask my long-suffering 
> brother to explain commercials when we're watching TV. "But why was 
> the guy standing there with the beer can?"

Elkins, by now only occasionally breaking into muffled sobs ("Pig...
Pig...oh, Tabouli, that wasn't necessary...it wasn't *necessary...*") 
huddles shivering over her bloodied owl feathers and her nice hot cup 
of tea, but still manages a watery smile for Eileen.  

She wonders whether this would be a good time to admit that she 
herself had to have the plot of "Star Wars" explained to her at least 
seven times before she could even begin to understand what was 
supposed to be happening in that film.  ("But I don't understand!  
What's a 'Droid?'  And what's a 'Tractor Beam?'  And why on earth did 
they have to keep running around through all of those *corridors*?")

Before she can make a decision on this matter, however, Eileen is 
snatched up by the crew of the Good Ship LOLLIPOPS and hauled off for 
some Imperius-induced deprogramming below decks.  Elkins contemplates 
staging a rescue attempt for an entire three seconds before thinking 
better of it.  She finishes off her tea and stares down at the sand, 
trying hard not to look out to sea.

*******************

"From the brig of the Good Ship LOLLIPOPS, where she has been put to 
meditate on her nearly accomplished mutiny, and to be restrained till 
the madness has passed," Eileen wrote (on the all-consuming question 
of whether Fourth Man Avery is Thin Nervous Eye-Darty Man or Thick-
set Blank-Stare Man):

> I would not feel that good if we partnered the renowned Mrs. 
> Lestrange with "thin nervous eye-darty man". 

Really?  That's interesting, because before I saw the TRUTH and the 
LIGHT of Fourth Man, I had always just naturally assumed that Thin 
Nervous Eye-Darty Man was Lestrange.  Something about all of those 
assertive women I've known who've had things for frail and vulnerable 
men, I suppose.

But I quite agree that Darty makes a far better Avery than Blankstare 
does, so poor old Florence...er, Mrs. Lestrange, I mean...will just 
have to settle.

Story of her life, really.

> Of course, I could add dealing with an idiotic husband, who messed
> up all their plans and told Lucius Malfoy about the Voldemort hunt, 
> who passed the information on to the authorities. (One of my little 
> pet non-canon-related theories.) 

So you figure slippery old Lucius turned them in, eh?  That cad!

So how come?  He'd already wrangled his acquittal by then, surely.  
Was it because he was convinced that they'd get caught anyway?  Or 
was it more that he feared that they might actually *succeed* in 
finding Voldemort?

> How come no-one waxes eloquent about Mr. Lestrange, btw?

Because he hasn't had a single line of dialogue.  Avery's at least had
seven words, and some screaming.  Also, neither of the guys in the 
Pensieve scene has very much sex appeal.

> > Hey, young Crouch *could* have been innocent -- of torturing the 
> > Longbottoms, at any rate. 

> I want to keep Crouch Jr. involved, since it makes the 
> Neville/Crouch Jr. link more poignant. 

I quite agree.  I, too, prefer Guilty-As-Sin Barty.  Although I'm 
still plumping for him as Neville's savior.  I like that, too.

> Kudos on the subversive Neville-Crouch theory, but does it explain 
> why Crouch seeks Neville out?

He was just helpless to resist that mystic bond, poor fellow.  Also, 
he was curious to see what the little rugrat had grown up to be like.

> "Nerveless Hysterics" aren't usually that great at torturing people 
> when push comes to shove, come to think about it.

No.  Well, that's the underlying premise of "Fourth Man With 
Imperius:" that Avery was always far too squeamish for wet work, and 
so his buddies were "helping him out" by Imperio'ing him through the 
tough stuff.

> What if Avery's clearing included hard evidence that he hadn't been 
> involved in the torturings? Wizarding evidence of DNA's stature. 

It's a bit hard to imagine how one could come up with hard evidence 
for such a thing, isn't it?  After all, as Frank Longbottom 
discovered the hard way, it *is* notoriously difficult to prove a 
negative proposition.

Well, Rosier's already dead, isn't he?  I mean, it's already canon 
that he was killed in a battle with Aurors.  So it may as well have 
been a Great and Glorious Bloody Ambush as any other type of 
conflict: it's more fun that way, and more dramatic, and it doesn't 
hurt him any more than any other manner of being killed in combat 
would.  It's not as if I'm plumping for the guy to have died *hard* 
or anything.  I'm not hoping that he particularly *suffered.*  I just 
think that a Great and Glorious Bloody Ambush has dramatic appeal.

Crucio'd Severus, though...no.  Even in my most FEATHERBOAS-ish mind-
set, I just can't relish such a thought.

*****************

On the Fourth Man timeline problem created by this bit of can(n)on 
shot:

> > "Avery-Nott-Crabbe-Goyle-"
> 
> > "You are merely repeating the names of those who were cleared of 
> > being Death Eaters thirteen years ago," said Fudge angrily. "You 
> > could have found those names in old reports of the trials!" 

Cindy wrote:

> However, I can see through my binoculars that all is not well in 
> the Fourth Man two-person kayak.  Indeed, it appears that the 
> Fourth Man has fallen overboard and is flailing helplessly, unable 
> to haul his ample backside to the beach. 

<Elkins blinks innocently from behind her (now-broken) spectacles>

Shall we assume then, Cindy, that you favor Thick-set Blank-Stare Man 
as Avery?  

Or are you supporting Eileen's suggestion that perhaps Dudley Dursley 
was actually the Fourth Man?

I suggested that Avery was indeed acquitted on grounds of Imperius 
back in '81, then nailed for the Longbottom Affair in '82 or '83, and 
then pardoned as a part of a Bleeding Heart Backlash in '84.  I 
further suggested that (a) Fudge himself was swept to office on the 
same wave of public sentiment that led to Avery's pardon, (b) it was 
a very short-lived wave which receded quickly and abruptly, and (c) 
the reason that Fudge mentions the acquittal, rather than the more 
recent pardon, is because he doesn't really want people thinking too 
much about that particular period of political history, which casts 
his own position in a somewhat dubious light.

Cindy objected to this theory on (if I've got this right) two grounds.

First, she found the idea that Avery managed to get himself off the 
hook *twice* rather much to accept.

And second, she didn't like my proposed timeline.

Her reasons for the latter (like my reasons for favoring my own 
timeline) seem to have a good deal to do with her preferences in 
Memory Charm Theory.

She wrote:

> For that, I have to go back to a timeline theory I used in
> the "Neville Has A Reverse Memory Charm" dialogue (which apparently 
> Elkins has decided to spurn in favor of the wholly implausible 
> "Neville Has A Memory Charm" theory -- don't get me started).

<raises hands quickly in defensive gesture>

Hey, hey!  Hold on a minute here.  I've got no beef with Reverse 
Memory Charmed Neville.  Tell the truth, I'm an agnostic on the topic 
of what *sort* of Memory Impairing Charm the poor kid's saddled 
with.  Memory Charm, Reverse Memory Charm...it's all good, as far as 
I'm concerned. I just want him to have something of the sort.

(And besides, I can never keep all of those horrifically long, if 
fantastically clever, acronyms clear in my mind, anyway.)

What I *do* want, though, is for him to have been old enough when it 
happened to make for a rousing good tale.  And to my mind, it just 
isn't very *satisfying* if he was a babe in arms at the time.  I want 
him at least a toddler, old enough for the event to have left some 
serious *trauma,* dammit.

But there's no reason that you can't have your Reverse Memory Charm 
scenario taking place in '82 or '83, rather than in '81.

Is there?

Cindy writes (citing an older post):

> Here's a quick rundown on the canon evidence that the Lestranges 
> were apprehended soon after Voldemort fell, not years later:

> In Padfoot Returns, Sirius tells us about the circumstances under 
> which Barty Crouch Jr. is brought to Azkaban and everything going 
> on at the time. He says:

> "When Voldemort disappeared, it looked like only a matter of time 
> until Crouch got the top job." 

We're talking about politics, though.  Whether the Minister of Magic 
is appointed or elected by some variant of Parliament or in a general 
election or whatever, it's still not likely to be the sort of thing 
that can happen overnight, is it?  I mean, if I said something 
like, "it looks like only a matter of time before Tim Collins becomes 
the next Prime Minister," then you wouldn't think that I necessarily 
meant "by the end of the year," would you?  

(Actually, you'd probably just think that I'd gone mad.  But I trust 
that you get my drift.)

"A matter of time" in a political context doesn't mean "a matter of 
days," nor even "a matter of months."  It could very well mean "a 
matter of years."

> "But then something rather unfortunate happened. <snip> Crouch's 
> own son was caught with a group of Death Eaters who'd managed to 
> talk their way out of Azkaban. Apparently they were trying to find 
> Voldemort and return him to power. <snip> I saw the Dementors 
> bringing him in. <snip> He can't have been more than nineteen."

I agree with the notion that Sirius says 19, rather than 20, because 
he's fairly certain that the kid *is* nineteen.  No quibbles there.

Where I've got a problem, though, is here:

> The Lexicon list Barty Crouch Jr.'s birthday as 1962. So if he is 
> 19 when he goes to Azkaban, that would be 1981. As Fourth Man Avery 
> would have been arrested at the same time as young Crouch, this is 
> also in 1981.

But that's a tautology, surely?

The only reason that the Lexicon lists Barty's birthday in 1962 is 
because Vander Ark (at whose feet I worship, don't get me wrong here) 
chose to assume that his trial took place in 1981.

So you can't then go arguing that the "proof" that the trial took 
place in 1981 is that Crouch was born in 1962!  That's circular 
reasoning.

There's no canonical proof for *either* Crouch being born in 1962 *or*
his trial taking place in 1981.  It is somewhat canonically 
suggested, yes.  But it's hardly a definite thing.  

But anyway, I don't really see why the timeline issue is really 
relevant to your preference for a Reverse Memory Charm.  Is there 
some reason that you *can't* have a Reverse Memory Charm in 1983?

On the subject of Reverse Memory Charms, Eileen asked:

> How does Avery get off if Neville with his magically enhanced 
> testimony fingers him and Crouch? 

Cindy answered:

> Because after some time passed, people started questioning the 
> reliability of this Reverse Memory Charm. 

I like that!  I can just imagine the insinuations levelled against 
those responsible for questioning Reverse Memory Charmed witnesses, 
the accusations that the questioners must have planted Terrible 
Notions in the minds of those already rendered highly suggestible...

Yes, yes.  I like it.  And I like it very much as the grounds for 
Avery's pardon.  Okay, so I'm on board with the whole Reverse Memory 
Charm thing.  Count me in.  (Er...which of those very long acronyms 
is ours again?)

But I still think that Avery's Imperius defense was how he got out of 
his *first* arrest, back in 1981, while his "I wasn't anywhere *near* 
the place that night -- Memory Enhancement Is A Fraud!" defense was 
how he got out of his *second* bout of trouble.

I like Avery worming his way out of trouble twice, myself.  It makes 
him seem clever and sneaky, when in actuality, he's Just Plain
Lucky.  It would also make him ulcerated and paranoid, I'm sure, not 
to mention deeply suspected by just about everyone he encounters just 
about everywhere he goes.  

In explanation of why she preferred a 1984 pardon to a 1981 pardon, 
Eileen wrote:

> And Crouch certainly has to "die" quickly to get this theory going. 
> No, too short. I like Elkins's idea better. Sorry.

Cindy blinked in confusion:

> I don't follow you. Crouch gets sprung from Azkaban whenever he 
> gets sprung. I don't think it matters much for the timeline exactly 
> when this happens. Avery, however, gets out quickly -- as soon as 
> Fudge takes over.  What am I missing?

Er...if I may step in here, I think that what Eileen was referring to
there was Crouch Sr's *political* death.  She meant, I think, that she
prefers a scenario in which Crouch's fall from power comes rather 
later than the end of 1981 -- which would, after all, be only two 
months after Voldemort's disappearance, barely time enough for the 
first batch of DEs to be rounded up, really.

<brightly>  But there's no reason that there can't be a Reverse Memory
Charm!

*****************

On Avery's Job In the Ministry of Magic

Eileen wrote:

> Then, Elkins and Cindy reconcile to allow Avery to have a secondary 
> job in the DMC. I'm no-one to complain, but no-one liked my 
> suggestion that he works for Bagman (ever-so-evil or not) and is 
> the new Minister of Magical Sports and Games. 

Oh, I'm so sorry, Eileen.  I did mean to comment on that, but then I 
just got all...distracted.

Avery in Magical Sports and Games proved a bit difficult for me to 
imagine, I'm afraid, mainly I suppose because I just don't see Avery 
as quite the, uh, Sporty type.  And trying to envision him having a 
chummy relationship with Ludo Bagman (ever-so-evil or not) just kind 
of...made my head explode.

Although it does have some humorous possibilities.  I imagine Avery 
flinching every time friendly old Ludo slaps him on the shoulder.

But then, I kind of liked him in Magical Catastrophes for much the 
same reasons.  Can't you just imagine the Nerveless Hysteric being 
sent out to do the field work?  

"Well...uh...what sort of, er, 'accident' was it, precisely?"  
<pause> "Oh, God, NO!"  <pause>  "Oh, *no.*  No, no, no, not at all.  
Of *course* we can sort that out for you!  We take care of, uh, those 
sorts of problems here all the time.  When I said 'oh God no' just 
then, I was, er, just..."  <long pause>  "You want to know if there's 
someone else here who can handle this.  Yes...well, er...yes.  I 
suppose that would be all for the best, really."

I also liked DMC because it was Fudge's old Department, and I liked 
Cindy's suggestion that Fudge was the one who gave Avery his old job 
back.

Eileen:

> But Avery really has repented, so Fudge isn't afraid, and feels 
> sorry for him, as the description below warrants....

> /me begins to cry and purchases a S.Y.N.C.H.O.P.H.A.N.T.S. badge.

<big smile>

Oh, Eileen!  You're a fan of "Fourth Man With Remorse," then.  That's 
so...so *sweet!*

I like my Fourth Man With Remorse too.

See?  We're such nice people.  There really *must* have been 
something in Cindy's brandy.

> I've been wondering that too. Something is wrong with me. This is 
> not me, the person who cringes when Wile E. Coyote hits the tarmac. 

Oh, poor Wile E. Coyote!  How I always felt for him!  The Twentieth-
Century Sisyphus!  A True Existentialist Hero!  Oh, but how I always 
longed for a day of *reckoning,* a day when he would finally *catch* 
that rotten Roadrunner and rip the smug little bastard limb from li...

Oh.  Er, yeah...okay.  So maybe it wasn't *all* the brandy.

************

As for Voldemort's Wand...

Much as I do love giving Avery *lots* to do, to support the notion 
that he really is a *terribly* important character, I remain rather 
attached to the notion that Pettigrew was the one keeping Voldemort's 
wand for him all these years.

But if anyone ever comes up with a really *good* suggestion as to how 
we might lay that at Avery's feet, then I might change my mind.

*************

Eileen wrote:

> The Saga of Percy Weatherby

> Percy, now the youngest ever Department Head, has Avery shuffled 
> into his department. Who wouldn't try to pawn Avery off on the 
> newcomer who doesn't know the ins and outs of things? Avery is so 
> ill respected at the Ministry that - Horror of Horrors! - everyone 
> except Percy calls him by his yet to be determined first name. 

And Percy calls him...Ainsbury!

> Unfortunately, Avery, at V's command, gets rather close to
> Weatherby, resulting in misfortunes for our side. When HRH finally 
> visit the Ministry, which will happen I'm sure, we'll have a moment 
> of irony, when they meet Avery, and some office worker makes some 
> remark about him using his given name, that would have told HRH the 
> game was up, if the last name had been used. 

If only Percy had remembered the poor sod's name, things might have 
turned out very differently.  But nooo...

> Now, that's uncanonical. 

Nonsense!  It is merely...speculative.

> PS I still can't get over the fact that we've seriously gone into 
> analysing an almost non-existent character. 

Non-existent!  Non-exISTent?!?!

He has seven words of *dialogue,* Eileen!  That's more than Lestrange 
gets.  Hell, it's even more than Arabella Figg gets, and you wouldn't 
call *her* "almost non-existent," would you?

"Almost non-existent."  Sheesh.  Keep your voice down, will you?  
You'll hurt Avery's feelings.  As if it isn't bad enough that Cindy 
wants to *drown* him...

Cindy:

> Having pushed Avery overboard because his sniveling was dancing on
> my last good nerve...

<Elkins gasps and leans over the side to haul Avery back in, very 
nearly overbalancing the entire kayak>

Cindy!  You *know* you can't do that!  JKR *needs* him to -- just 
cough it all up, Mr. Avery, that's right, that's super, sweetheart, 
yes, you're doing fine -- *needs* him to fulfill his secondary 
villain function in Book Five!  You can't just -- oh, for God's sake, 
Avery.  Here.  Take my jacket -- you can't just go *murdering* the 
poor man like that.  How's the poor wretch ever supposed to buy the 
farm in Book Five if you've already...

Oh.  Oh, dear.  No, no, Mr. Avery, *please.*  Please try to contain 
yourself.  I didn't mean it like that.  I'm sure you'll survive all 
the way to the end of the series.  Yes, I'm *sure* of it!  Honest, I 
am.  All I meant there was...

<exasperated sigh>

Oh, for God's sake, Cindy.  Now you see what you've done?

> Cindy -- finding it lonely in the Ambush-On-Dumbledore's-Orders 
> camp, the Reverse-Memory-Charm camp, the Bagman-Is-A-DE camp, the 
> Sirius-Was-Having-His-Way-With-Florence camp, and the Snape-Has-A-
> Debt-To-James camp, but consoling herself by eating all of the 
> Smores singlehandedly

Hey!  I'm with you on the Reverse Memory Charm thing, and Sirius *was*
having his way with Florence...even if that Florence happened to also
be the future Mrs. Lestrange.  

So cheer up.  And give some of those Smores to Avery, will you?  He's 
chilled and upset; he's shivering.  He needs the chocolate.

-- Elkins