Peter Gets The Girl, Lucius, Memory Charm, Edge, Variations on FLIRTIAC, SHIP

[cindysphynx]

No: HPFGUIDX 35398

Trying to catch up on things here, so bear with me as I bounce around 
a bit:

********************

Elkins wrote (about the Reverse Memory Charm):

> Hey, hey!  Hold on a minute here.  I've got no beef with Reverse 
> Memory Charmed Neville.  Tell the truth, I'm an agnostic on the 
topic 
> of what *sort* of Memory Impairing Charm the poor kid's saddled 
> with.  <snip>  

> But there's no reason that you can't have your Reverse Memory Charm 
> scenario taking place in '82 or '83, rather than in '81.
> 
> Is there?

Oh, yes, there most certainly is!  You see, the very purpose of the 
Reverse Memory Charm is to thwart the legions of devoted Memory Charm 
folks.  The Memory Charm believers think Neville got a Memory Charm 
to help him get over the torture of seeing his parents tortured.  
(Between you and me, I secretly suspect that they think that Neville 
is a SYCOPHANT-in-training, but don't say anything because these 
Memory Charm types are *very* sensitive).  

Reverse Memory Charm devotees (both of us) say that Neville was *way* 
too young to have any need for a Memory Charm.  If he is 1 or 2 when 
the Longbottoms are attacked, we have the Memory Charm believers in a 
virtual headlock.  Why would anyone put a Memory Charm on a toddler 
who won't remember anything anyway, particularly if it damages the 
tyke's memory, we heckle?  

That is why I have to guard my flanks against Memory Charm Age 
Creep.  Neville was born sometime in 1980, like Harry.  The attacks 
were (under my theory) in late 1981 or very early 1982.  That makes 
Neville no more than 2 years, 2 months, assuming the worst case that 
Neville was born on January 1, 1980 and the attacks are February 1982.

But look what happens if we push back the attack on the Longbottoms 
into 1983.  Suddenly, Neville is over 3 years old.  And do you know 
what happens next?  People come streaming out of the woodwork to tell 
me all of the horrors visited upon them when they were 3, how they 
vividly recall being spanked in the supermarket at this age, how 
desperately they wish they had received a Memory Charm, and how could 
I be so heartless to deny the poor boy a Memory Charm . . . 

So the timeline is *key.*  No, you *have* to give me the late 1981 or 
very early 1982 torture date, you just have to.   Or . . . or . . . 
this is just not going to work out, Elkins.  It's not you; it's me.  
I don't know what's wrong with me.  Please don't be angry.  We can 
still be friends, OK?  We can celebrate Lupin's Edge together, all 
right?  Good.

Elkins again:

>Okay, so I'm on board with the whole Reverse Memory 
> Charm thing.  Count me in.  (Er...which of those very long acronyms 
> is ours again?)

M.A.T.C.H.I.N.G.A.R.M.C.H.A.I.R. 
Marooned At The Court Hearing, Ill-fated Neville Got A Reverse Memory 
Charm, Hatching Amnesia-Invoking Results

*************
 Elkins wrote (about what Lucius wants and why):

> It sort of begs the question of why he cast his lot in with 
Voldemort 
> the first time around, doesn't it?  Presumably he's always had life 
> easy.

Yes, now that you mention it, Lucius is going to be very important 
and is in desperate need of a serious backstory too, doesn't 
he?  ::ignores collective groan and eye-roll from list members::

Lucius is almost as mysterious as Snape, isn't he?  He seems to have 
money, influence and a proper trophy wife in the legitimate wizarding 
world, but for some reason, that isn't enough.  No, Lucius has to 
take up with Voldemort -- Mr. All-Knowing, Mr. All-Powerful, 
Mr. "Phoenix Tears, I Forgot".  

And when Voldemort falls, Lucius never seems to contemplate just 
picking right up where Voldemort left off.  After all, Lucius now 
knows not to attack Harry directly, and that he will need a basilisk 
or something really fancy to get the job done.  With a little quiet 
contemplation, Lucius might be able to figure a way out of the Harry 
problem without killing Harry at all.  Yet Lucius doesn't do 
anything.  He just whines about being under the Imperius Curse and 
goes back to his hum-drum little suburban life, picking on house 
elves for sport, where he apparently doesn't even have a job or 
anything.  

Is this because the Death Eaters really don't stand for much, so 
Lucius sees no reason to continue their goals, whatever they are?  Is 
it because so many Death Eaters died and Lucius doesn't think he can 
persuade anyone else to join up with him?  Is Lucius on an extended 
paternity leave caring for Draco so that he misses all of the action 
in Fall 1981?  There *must* be a reason.

I think I'm going with the theory that Lucius didn't continue the 
Death Eaters' mission because he lacked sufficient reliable foot 
soldiers.  After the dust settled, Lucius had Avery, Crabbe, Goyle 
and McNair.  McNair would surely behead Avery on sight, just for 
fun.  That would leave only Crabbe and Goyle to help Lucius take over 
the world.  I think Lucius was not liking those odds, and I can't 
blame him.

Elkins again (on Lupin's Edge):

>But Edge is *good,* Cindy.  Edge is really really *good.*  Edge is...
> 
> Well, I think that maybe 'Edge' is for me a bit like what 'Tough' 
>is for you.  Capiche?

OK, I guess so.  You like Edge; I like Tough.  But tell me.  Are 
there any other characters besides Lupin who have Edge?  Does 
Voldemort have Edge?  He's rather grim in the graveyard scene, I 
guess.  Does Snape have Edge?  Is it enough to have a twisted smile 
and be move "lazily"?  I don't think I get Edge.  Edge is harder to 
evaluate than Tough.

Tabouli wrote (about who Florence was kissing):

> For the first few delirious weeks, Barty and Florence conducted a 
>relationship on the sly.  <snip>  However, before she'd made much 
>headway, nosy seventh year Bertha spotted Barty sneaking off to the 
>greenhouses after dark, and followed him, where she saw the 
>incredibly gossip-worthy sight of the Sinister, Sexy fifth year 
>Florence snogging MP Crouch's 13 year old son!  Corr!!!  

Inventive and compelling as this is, I see one problem:  Barty Crouch 
Jr. is dead, dead, dead!  (Well, not really, but kind of dead, 
anyway).  So why would we waste the Florence-kissing backstory on 
someone who definitely won't play a big role in future books?

::looks around for another character as a good make-out partner for 
Florence Lestrange::

Good heavens!  We've missed the obvious. Who do we all overlook as 
possibly having ever been worthy of a girlfriend?  Who would have to 
stoop so low as to have a Slytherin girlfriend?  Who would be such a 
wimp that he would only make out behind a greenhouse?  Who met up 
with Bertha in the forest, but she was too dumb to realize that he 
was supposed to be dead?

Peter, that's who!  It was *Peter* who was kissing Florence, and 
Bertha got hexed by Peter.  You see, Florence seduced Peter into 
joining the DEs with her feminine charms.  And boy, he fell for it.  
He fell for her so hard that he became willing to betray James, Lily 
and Sirius, all at once.  

Sadly, Peter and Florence didn't work out, and she started seeing Mr. 
Lestrange on the side.  She preferred him because he was a totally 
useless coward, someone totally lacking a spine, someone who would 
never do anything truly brave, someone who would never sever his own 
body parts.  Florence likes that in a man.  

They get married, and Peter is heartbroken.  Crushed.  Crestfallen.  
He wants out of the DEs.  But it is too late; he is in too deep.  
Peter knows that if he leaves the DEs, he will be killed.  He is 
trapped.  He goes through with Florence's plan to betrays the 
Potters, figuring a little DE glory might be enough to turn 
Florence's evil little head.  It doesn't work, though.  No, instead, 
the whole plan backfires, and Peter spends a good chunk of life as a 
rat, sleeping and dreaming of what could have been, wondering if he 
can sneak into Azkaban and be the rat in Florence's cell.

Many years later, Peter stumbles across Bertha in the forest.  And 
how does Peter lure Bertha into a midnight stroll with him?  By 
telling her that he wants to apologize for hexing her lo those many 
years ago.  Bertha, being quite stupid, nods dimly and does not 
realize she has been had until she is being tortured half to death by 
a slimy baby.  

Dumbledore's sadness is his realization that, just the way Peter 
hexed Bertha at Hogwarts, he has hexed her again and caused her 
disappearance.

Any takers?  Anyone?  Anyone?

Personally, I like the Florence Trapezoid better, but I'm getting 
desperate here.

Tabouli wrote (about Mrs. Norris):

> My favorite theory is that she's Filch's lover, cursed by her 
>husband when he caught them together (hm... >maybe Filch should try 
>kissing her!  If, of course, FLIRTIAC is correct, the person who, 
>under great stress, finally does magic late in life would probably 
>be Filch, of course.  Maybe someone will threaten to AK his beloved 
>Mrs Norris, and in a last, frantic, furious burst of energy, he 
>casts aside his Quikspell handbook and gets it right at last, 
>turning her back into a yellow-eyed, thin woman in late middle age, 
>with dust coloured hair...

OK, I'm almost in.  I have been holding out against FLIRTIAC for some 
time, as something just doesn't feel right.  Let's say Filch is a 
squib and Mrs. Norris has been hexed.  Filch works for one of the 
most powerful wizards ever – Albus Dumbledore.  So why doesn't he 
just ask Dumbledore to put it right?

Unless . . . unless . . .  Mrs. Norris was *married* to Albus 
Dumbledore, and Filch was having an affair with her.  When Dumbledore 
caught them in the broom closet together, he was more than a bit 
hacked off.  He turned Filch into a squib and turned is wife into a 
cat.  Mrs. Norris' name isn't really Mrs. Norris, of course.  But 
Filch could hardly walk around calling his cat Mrs. Dumbledore, now 
could he?  

Canon, where did I put the canon?  Oh, yes.  Here it is.  In CoS, a 
petrified Mrs. Norris is discovered.  Filch, being in love with Mrs. 
Norris, goes to pieces.  But what does Dumbledore do?  "Dumbledore 
had arrived on the scene . . . In seconds, he had swept past 
Harry . . . . The tip of Dumbledore's long, crooked nose was barely 
an inch from Mrs. Norris' fur.  He was looking at her . .  his long 
fingers gently prodding and poking."  That's an awful lot of care 
Dumbledore uses in checking out a frozen cat.  Hmmmm.  

Elkins wrote:

> As she degenerates into incoherent hysteria, Elkins' alarmed 
> companions rush to her aid: Tough Cindy, who begins slapping her 
> repeatedly in the face while screaming, spit flying from the 
corners 
> of her mouth, "Suck it *up,* soldier!  Suck it *up,* damn you!"; 

Oh, dear.  I seem to have given you all a very distorted and totally 
wrong impression of me.  I would *never, ever* assault someone like 
Elkins in this fashion.  It would never happen.  It's just not my 
style.  I only beat up men. :-)

Cindy (who only really gets violent in the presence of ice dancers)