Parenting across cultures: hasty amendment
jrober4211
midwife34 at aol.com
Wed Feb 20 13:58:01 UTC 2002
No: HPFGUIDX 35499
--- In HPforGrownups at y..., "Tabouli" <tabouli at u...> wrote:
> Ooo dear, just reread my own post and realised how badly the
following came across:
>
> > Ooo dear, ooo dear, let me rephrase (cross-cultural trainers have
been sued for less). What we have here is a difference in
communication style. In the US, I assume that phrases such as those
I mention are in reasonably common usage. Americans in general are
much more comfortable talking about feelings and relationships than
Australians (and Brits). The proportion of people who go to
therapists in the US is, I believe, much *much* higher than it is
here. Hence there is comparatively little stigma attached to using
phrases like "express his love in a meaningful way".
>
> Tabouli, have you ever spent time in the US and around US kids?
Because what you are describing does not happen here in the US with
the majority of families. The way our health care system works, psych
services are woefully neglected in most family medical coverage
insurance policies. So the examples you are siting are pretty much
the upper middle class or wealthy that can offord psych services by
paying out of pocket. I have never heard any anyone of my friends
spout the phrase " express his love in a meaningful way", if they
did, there would be alot of eye rolling from those in hearing
distance of the conversation.
>
> As for the "bullhockey" (great word) bit, well, let me step back
from that one. I'm all for a bit of democratic, self-esteem
fostering parenting, in a sort of "parents as kindly managers who
support their staff but firmly lay down the law" way. Link to
individualism here... if your children are going to be living in a
society where it's fundamentally important to be independent, assert
themselves, show initiative, stand up for their rights, make their
own decisions, etc.etc. a strong belief in themselves and their
judgment is a very good idea. This, presumably, is why democratic
parenting is becoming the ideal in individualist countries.
>
> Tabouli, I think you are making great leaps in judging a whole
culture based on just a few experiences. Let me ask again, have you
ever lived in the US for any length of time to be making this
assessment? Reading a few books by so-called expert US authors on
child rearing and watching a few imported television programs is not
enough to base an opinion on US childrearing practices. Do you
yourself have children? If not, I can't wait until you do to see if
some of yyour opinions change....:-) ( no insult intended here, just
a pet peeve of mine when people who are childless try to discuss
child rearing principles who have no first hand experience)
Jo Ellen
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