Parenting across cultures: hasty amendment

jrober4211 midwife34 at aol.com
Wed Feb 20 13:58:01 UTC 2002


No: HPFGUIDX 35499

--- In HPforGrownups at y..., "Tabouli" <tabouli at u...> wrote:
> Ooo dear, just reread my own post and realised how badly the 
following came across:
> 
> > Ooo dear, ooo dear, let me rephrase (cross-cultural trainers have 
been sued for less).  What we have here is a difference in 
communication style.  In the US, I assume that phrases such as those 
I mention are in reasonably common usage.  Americans in general are 
much more comfortable talking about feelings and relationships than 
Australians (and Brits).  The proportion of people who go to 
therapists in the US is, I believe, much *much* higher than it is 
here.  Hence there is comparatively little stigma attached to using 
phrases like "express his love in a meaningful way".
> 
> Tabouli, have you ever spent time in the US and around US kids? 
Because what you are describing does not happen here in the US with 
the majority of families. The way our health care system works, psych 
services are woefully neglected in most family medical coverage 
insurance policies. So the examples you are siting are pretty much 
the upper middle class or wealthy that can offord psych services by 
paying out of pocket. I have never heard any anyone of my friends 
spout the phrase " express his love in a meaningful way", if they 
did, there would be alot of eye rolling from those in hearing 
distance of the conversation.
> 
> As for the "bullhockey" (great word) bit, well, let me step back 
from that one.  I'm all for a bit of democratic, self-esteem 
fostering parenting, in a sort of "parents as kindly managers who 
support their staff but firmly lay down the law" way.  Link to 
individualism here... if your children are going to be living in a 
society where it's fundamentally important to be independent, assert 
themselves, show initiative, stand up for their rights, make their 
own decisions, etc.etc. a strong belief in themselves and their 
judgment is a very good idea.  This, presumably, is why democratic 
parenting is becoming the ideal in individualist countries.
> 
> Tabouli, I think you are making great leaps in judging a whole 
culture based on just a few experiences. Let me ask again, have you 
ever lived in the US for any length of time to be making this 
assessment? Reading a few books by so-called expert US authors on 
child rearing and watching a few imported television programs is not 
enough to base an opinion on US childrearing practices. Do you 
yourself have children? If not, I can't wait until you do to see if 
some of yyour opinions change....:-) ( no insult intended here, just 
a pet peeve of mine when people who are childless try to discuss 
child rearing principles who have no first hand experience)

Jo Ellen





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