Parenting across cultures: hasty amendment

[Tabouli]

No: HPFGUIDX 35489

Ooo dear, just reread my own post and realised how badly the following came across:

> Ah.  Here I think we have another example of cultural differences, in this case Australian/US.  Australians, as I've often mentioned, tend to be *very* cynical and anti-pretension.  A lot of Australians (myself, to some degree, included) would barely manage to get the phrases "quality time", "connect with his son" or "express his love in a meaningful way" out of their mouths without several truckloads of irony to compensate for saying what they would see as utterly EWW!  modern (and unforgiveably American) "psychological parenting bullhockey".  I think my immediate association of these phrases with the bullhockey you mention was me making the overinclusive Australian assumption that the phrases go together with the philosophy.<

Ooo dear, ooo dear, let me rephrase (cross-cultural trainers have been sued for less).  What we have here is a difference in communication style.  In the US, I assume that phrases such as those I mention are in reasonably common usage.  Americans in general are much more comfortable talking about feelings and relationships than Australians (and Brits).  The proportion of people who go to therapists in the US is, I believe, much *much* higher than it is here.  Hence there is comparatively little stigma attached to using phrases like "express his love in a meaningful way".

In Australia there's a huge stigma attached to phrases like these.  For a start they concern emotions (we've inherited the stoic ideal from the British), and for another thing, they are popular borrowings from therapeutic language, to which few Australians have been exposed except through popular media from the US.  There's a lurking resentment of the strength of US cultural influence in Australia, where American TV, slang, fast food etc. are fast displacing the original Australian equivalents.  As a result, using such phrases implies (a) a cultural taboo-breaking expression of emotions, and (b) embracing the widely resented American cultural influences.  Hence Australians don't use them much at all, except with extreme irony to use them for their meaning while rejecting the emotionalism and Americanism they imply.

As for the "bullhockey" (great word) bit, well, let me step back from that one.  I'm all for a bit of democratic, self-esteem fostering parenting, in a sort of "parents as kindly managers who support their staff but firmly lay down the law" way.  Link to individualism here... if your children are going to be living in a society where it's fundamentally important to be independent, assert themselves, show initiative, stand up for their rights, make their own decisions, etc.etc. a strong belief in themselves and their judgment is a very good idea.  This, presumably, is why democratic parenting is becoming the ideal in individualist countries.

Tabouli.


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