Fudge is Way Evil and I have the acronyms to prove it

[dicentra_spectabilis_alba]

No: HPFGUIDX 35657

OK. I'm glad to see that there are those out there who, like myself, 
suspect that there's more to our lime-green-bowler-wearing Minister 
of Magic than meets the eye. Thanks to Kelly Hurt for 
F.I.E.O.N.G.O.O.D.N.E.S.S., a respectable acronym if ever there was 
one. (Check a couple three posts ahead of this one.) But I've got my 
own to propose, along with proof that the acronyms are true. (Much of 
which has already been proposed, but there's nothing like putting it 
all together, ne?)

::Stands at front of room. Clears throat.::

When last we left Fudge, he appeared to be playing the consummate 
ladder-climbing politician, worried more about the safety of his 
career than that of the people he is supposed to serve. And this 
isn't necessarily an incorrect conclusion, given that Dumbledore 
himself accuses Fudge of that very thing. But hidden in the text--as 
usual--are clues to Fudge's true nature. Clues that we would all 
overlook if we weren't so excruciatingly bored while waiting for Book 
5 that we have to pore over every sentence looking for Something, 
Anything, to liven things up. 

So here it is:
F.I.D.E.D.I.G.N.O.: Fudge Is Definitely an Evil-Doer--It's Generally 
Not Obvious
(pronounced 'fee-day-DEEG-no,' Spanish for trustworthy or reliable. I 
relish irony.)

I refer you all to GoF Chapter 36: The Parting of the Ways, beginning 
on page 703 (Scholastic edition). All there? Then let's proceed.

::Begins to pace the room while lighting a pipe. Chokes on the smoke. 
Sets the pipe down. Eyes those assembled. Continues pacing.::

As you all know, at this point the true identity of the false Moody 
has been revealed to be Bartemius Crouch Jr., former Death Eater, 
once believed to have died in Azkaban. Dumbledore has questioned him 
under Veritaserum to get his involvement in what happened after the 
Triwizard Tournament. Dumbledore then leaves him in the care of 
Profs. McGonagall and Snape as he sees to Harry's injuries, taking 
him to the infirmary. While Harry sleeps, Cornelius Fudge arrives at 
Hogwarts to question Crouch himself. He brings along a dementor "as 
protection." 

Harry is later awakened by an argument between McGonagall, Snape, and 
Fudge as they conveniently search for Dumbledore in the infirmary. It 
is revealed that no sooner had the dementor entered the office where 
Crouch was being kept than it administered the Kiss. Fudge defends 
his actions:

"'By all accounts, he is no loss!' blustered Fudge. 'It seems he has 
been responsible for several deaths!'

"'But he cannot now give testimony, Cornelius,' said Dumbledore. He 
was staring hard at Fudge, as though seeing him plainly for the first 
time. 'He cannot give evidence about why he killed those people.'"

::Spins on one heel to reverse direction, cape swirling about. (These 
things cannot be done without capes.) Dramatic pause.::

You see? Something just occurred to Dumbledore that hadn't before. 
Something about the fact that Crouch can't reveal any more. Surely, 
Dumbledore suspects that Fudge deliberately set the dementor on 
Crouch to silence him, so he couldn't name anymore names. Names like 
Cornelius Fudge, I daresay.

::Spins about again, cape swirling.::

And that's not all. In the next few paragraphs, Dumbledore explains 
how Crouch was instrumental in bringing Voldemort back to life. Fudge 
appears to disbelieve:

"'See here, Dumbledore,' said Fudge, and Harry was astonished to see 
a slight smile dawning on his face, 'you--you can't seriously believe 
that. You-Know-Who--back? Come now...'"

What is the meaning of this smile? Harry certainly doesn't know. But 
the smile cannot be insignificant because it persists for several 
more minutes.

"Dumbledore glanced around at Harry and saw that he was awake, but 
shook his head and said, 'I am afraid I cannot permit you to question 
Harry tonight.'

"Fudge's curious smile lingered. He too glanced at Harry..."

Fudge questions Harry's reliability. Dumbledore explains how Harry's 
story fits in with the facts. 

"Fudge still had that strange smile on his face. Once again, he 
glanced at Harry before answering."

Is this the smile of a man who believes his leg is being pulled? 
Perhaps. But Harry would have recognized such a smile. He would have 
interpreted Fudge's smile correctly and the narrator would have said 
so. But instead the smile is *strange.* What if it's the smile of a 
man who's heard the news he's been waiting to hear, but is having a 
hard time repressing his true emotions. Such a smile could only 
appear odd to Harry, because Harry doesn't guess the truth. But our 
beloved Auror--er--Author does know, and she's perfectly willing to 
drop bread crumbs for those wise enough to see the trail.

::Significant pause. Absently grabs the still-smoking pipe off the 
desk and chomps down on it. Chokes again. Clears throat. Continues 
pacing.::

The argument between Dumbledore and Fudge continues. Dumbledore tells 
Fudge they have to remove Azkaban from the control of the dementors. 
Fudge declares he'd be kicked out of office for even suggesting 
something so preposterous. Dumbledore says they have to make peace 
with the giants so they won't rejoin Voldemort. Again, Fudge protests 
that it would mean the end of his career. Page 708:

"'You are blinded,' said Dumbledore, his voice rising now, the aura 
of power around him palpable, his eyes blazing once more, 'by the 
love of the office you hold, Cornelius!'"

See, there's that accusation. But look at what he says next...

"'You place too much importance, and you always have done, on the so-
called purity of blood!'"

Missed it the first time, didn't you? Since when did we ever hear 
Fudge say anything about pure blood? Never! (I already looked. He 
doesn't.) But now Dumbledore reveals to us, the alert reader, that 
Fudge subscribes to the very core doctrine that Voldemort preached. 
The accusation seems to come out of nowhere! There's no reason for 
Dumbledore to mention it. Fudge certainly hasn't. But there it is, 
nonetheless, another clue to Fudge's true leanings.

::Pauses triumphantly. Grabs edge of cape and swirls it.::

The rest of the evidence against Fudge is more circumstantial, but I 
find it convincing nonetheless. Page 707.

"'The rest of us sleep less soundly in our beds, Cornelius, knowing 
that you have put Lord Voldemort's most dangerous supporters in the 
care of creatures who will join him the instant he asks them!' said 
Dumbledore."

Or in other words, putting the dementors in Azkaban was Fudge's idea. 
Hmmm. Is it possible that Fudge's affinity with the dementors is a by-
product of his true loyalties? Why put them there in the first place? 
That I don't know, but as a side note, it means they weren't there 
when Sirius Black was first put into Azkaban, nor were they there 
when the Aurors were catching DEs during and shortly after 
Voldemort's Reign of Terror. It also means that the dementors were 
preying mostly on Voldemort's supporters, formerly their allies. 
Creepy.

::Shudders.::

If it's true that Fudge is an extremely covert supporter of 
Voldemort, it could also explain in part how Sirius Black got framed 
and how his reputation as a mad murderer was spread. In PoA, when 
Fudge, McGonagall, Hagrid, and Prof. Flitwick explain the situation 
to Rosmerta, Fudge recalls his involvement. Page 208.

::Waits for people to get out PoA and turn to the right page. Picks 
up pipe and sniffs it. Moves to chomp down on it but thinks better of 
it. Sets pipe back down.::

Ready now?

"'...I was one of the first on the scene after Black murdered all 
those people. I--I will never forget it. I still dream about it 
sometimes. A crater in the middle of the street, so deep it had 
cracked the sewer below. Bodies everywhere. Muggles screaming. And 
Black standing there laughing, with what was left of Pettigrew in 
front of him...a heap of bloodstained robes and a few--a few 
fragments--'"

So, Black was laughing, was he? Do we hear that from Sirius when he 
tells his side of the story? Does he say, "as soon as Peter 
disappeared the absurdity of it all struck me and I couldn't help but 
laugh?" No! Why would Sirius be laughing? I maintain that he wasn't 
laughing at all--maybe sobbing, maybe convulsing in agony, maybe 
standing there, stunned, but not laughing like a madman. I maintain 
that Fudge willfully inserted that detail into his version of events 
to make Sirius look bad. 

Why, some have asked, did they not simply perform a Priori Incantatum 
on Black's wand or Peter's (assuming he left it behind)? Why didn't 
they notice that bloodstained robes and bodily fragments are NOT the 
byproducts of Avada Kedavra, the Death Eater's curse of choice for 
murder? Because Fudge knew that Pettigrew was the real murderer and 
the real betrayer of the Potters' Fidelius Charm, and that framing 
Sirius would make people stop looking for Pettigrew. As the first on 
the scene, and as one questioning muggles, he could alter his report 
to his superiors any way he chose. Granted, Pettigrew did a good job 
of framing Sirius on his own, but I believe that Fudge tied up any 
stray ends that may have been left behind, including possibly 
fiddling with the wands to make any Priori Incantatum fail. And with 
Barty Crouch Sr.'s zeal to throw Voldemort's supporters in Azkaban 
with all dispatch--and without a trial--any clues suggesting Sirius's 
innocence would be overlooked and forgotten. And that was fine with 
Fudge.

Furthermore, and this is pushing it, I know, but Fudge's fatherly 
manner toward Harry earlier in PoA, when he met him at the Leaky 
Cauldron, might simply be a way to make sure nothing happened to 
Harry before Voldemort could finish him off himself. Which is, as we 
know, what Voldemort wants. Someone like Fudge, who guard's his 
Lord's prize, would surely be rewarded.

So there you have it: F.I.D.E.D.I.G.N.O. Or if you like a more pithy, 
less ironic version, try F.I.E.: Fudge. Is. Evil.

Thank you. Dismissed.

--Dicentra, who has never smoked anything before and therefore should 
have known better about the pipe