The Big Bangers and Neville

[moongirlk]

No: HPFGUIDX 35878

I wrote:

> > Surely being the worse-than-
> > orphaned 
> > child of madpersons who were tortured needlessly by evil dark 
> > wizards 
> > and spending the rest of his childhood trying not to die when his 
> > uncle tries to force magic out of him is a pretty good Bang.  

Cindy, deflated, blinked:
> 
> So there's no Memory Charm Neville?  There's no Reverse Memory 
Charm 
> Neville?  We're left with . . . with Daytime Talk Show Neville, who 
> has grown up with problems and stress, has perfectly normal 
personal 
> shortcomings, has nagging feelings of inadequacy, and is generally 
> bummed out about his lot in life Neville?  Neville, who is worried 
> that he will repeat these behavior patterns with his own children. 
> Neville, who will have his problems neatly resolved by a mail-order 
> PhD-type before the next commercial break.  
> 
> Oh, I'm so disappointed! 

Well, to be fair, he'd be more of a Night-Time Talk Show Neville, 
seeing as how Oprah no longer deals in things like Adult Children of 
Dark-Wizard-Torture Survivors.  Maybe Springer - surely he's bangier -
 would that make it any better?  Seriously, though - how is Neville's 
story any more talk show-y or less bangy than Harry's, (aside from 
the fact that Harry's still in constant conflict)?  If we need to 
invent more bang for Neville, then we're going to have to give Harry 
something more in his backstory too.  Hmmm... something good and 
bangy...  Maybe he's really Snape's love-child, and that's why Sevvie 
always keeps his hair long and greased - to disguise the fact that 
he, too, has unruly dark locks.  Of course Snape hates James, then, 
as James stole away not only his beloved Lily (another theory I will 
resolve myself to accept if real, but can't get behind as 
speculation), but also the fruit of his Slytherin loins (hence 
Harry's Slyth leanings).  And Snape is cruel to Harry because... 
because he doesn't want Harry to find out the truth, since that would 
besmirch his lovely Lily's memory.  Thus, Voldemort's pursuit of 
Harry gets a whole new Bang, since he was supposed to get rid of 
James' child, but instead he went after Snape's (which of course 
explains Snape's defection from the baddies and, once revealed to 
Dumbledore, D's acceptance of said defection).  And somewhere out 
there is the *real* threat to Voldemort.  Let's see how I can make 
this even bangier for you... AHA!  The *real* threat to Voldemort 
is... Neville, James' love-child with Florence Longbottom, of 
course!  The baddies had the chance to get rid of him all those years 
ago, and foolishly spared him, making their story all the bangier as 
well.  Harry's survival thus far is purely coincidental.  The first 
time, it really was simply mother's love that protected him, and the 
twin wands thing, well... whoda thunkit?  

::Kimberly finally takes a breath, flops down onto a handy squashy 
chair giggling, and reads on::

Cindy, shoulders aslump and head hanging, writes:
> 
> This is the polar opposite of both Big Bang and Steady State. 

::Giggles forgotten, Kimberly bites her lip in concentration and 
looks around for a third pole that could somehow be the opposite of 
*two* other poles.::

It 
> needs a cosmology nickname though, something that says "That's All 
> There Is", but I can't think of one.  

How about just calling it Faith?  Faith believes what canon places 
before her.  She's first cousins with those cute twins, Naive and 
Gullible.
 
> But then again, Kimberly's theory does rise to the Neville & Trevor 
> Challenge, does it not?  I have to hand it to Kimberly, as she 
> bravely entered the calm and placid waters with this theory, waters 
> others fear to tread.

Thank you - I'm rediculously pleased!

> Can I at least make a special request?  Would Kimberly like to 
opine 
> on the timeline issue (how old was Neville when all of this 
> happened)?  

All Faith is willing to say is that he was probably at least two, 
since that's all her Canon will divulge to her.

Is there any chance we can get a ruling on how the 
> Lestranges were caught?  

Faith has great... faith in the competence of the Aurors, and 
believes that magical forensics and/or basic detective work was 
employed to track the dastardly deed doers.  Either that or a nanny-
cam spell.

Are you getting any vibe on whether Neville 
> was tortured also?  

::Faith cringes instinctively at the thought, flips fervently through 
her Canon, nods to herself with satisfaction, and states:: 
"Almost certainly not."

Any thoughts on why he is taken to visit his 
> parents, and on whether they are really lost and gone forever?

Faith is a little confused at the first part of the question - he 
visits his parents because they're his parents, it's what one does.  
As for the second part, she's not willing to give up hope on them, 
which is all the more reason to continue to visit them regularly.  
Maybe on some deep-down level some things get through to them, and 
if/when they come out of it, they'll remember the visits.  
 
I had lamented:
> 
> >I examine and pass by theories left and right, 
> > and can't seem to pick any that I *really* like.  I guess so far 
I 
> > mostly go with A.N.T.I.T.H.E.S.I.S. (All Nice Theories, I Think. 
> > However Each Supposition Is Strained).  So far George and Diana 
> are 
> > the only theories I can really get excited about, and even then 
> I'm 
> > divided, since I'd like a *little* bang to go with it.
> 

Cindy tried to comfort me by offering theories I might be able to 
really engage in:

> Hmmm.  Maybe we'll have to sift through the file cabinet that is 
> bursting with old theories and find something that suits 
> you. ::rustle rustle::   Hmmm.  Are you open to speculation about 
> the nature of the protection on Privet Drive?  Are you lying awake 
> at night trying to get a handle on Filch and Mrs. Norris?  Or maybe 
> you'd be comfortable trying on a few "This Or That Character Is 
> Definitely Evil" theories?  Or maybe we can sort out this idea of 
> which wand was doing what in the graveyard scene?  There must be 
> *something*!  :-)

None of them really get me going.  I enjoy all the Snape theories, 
but none of them satisfies me completely.  In fact I like reading 
pretty much all the theories, but I haven't yet found one that gives 
me a "eureka!" kinda thing.  I think it's Faith's fault - she keeps 
tapping me on the shoulder and saying things like "Shouldn't we let 
the author decide that?" and "We can't know this yet.", and "tsk, 
tsk."  She doesn't mind when I hang around with George and the 
others, but she'll never let me buy a badge.  I think she's Jiminy 
Cricket's girlfriend.  I guess, though, even if she's not really a 
theory, she's a fairly decent school of thought for now (until I come 
across a real "eureka!").

So thanks for trying, Cindy - I'll keep sampling.

kimberly
who just remembered Elkins promised her some more Edge once, and 
would like very much to hear the comedic interpretation of the 
graveyard scene, please!  A good excuse to smile twistedly is always 
welcome!