[HPforGrownups] Re: Lupin's relationship with Harry

[Jenett]

No: HPFGUIDX 32484

At 4:43 PM +0000 1/1/02, clio44a wrote:
>I would like to add some thoughts to your post. You are right, it
>appears that Sirius was a 'better' best friend of James than Remus.
>If both of them were equally close friends, why didn't make James one
>of them his best man and the other one godfather? Plus Sirius was the
>first choice in being secret keeper. Did they really not trust Remus
>because he was a werewolf?

We get told in POA that the potion that Remus takes is relatively 
recent. It makes sense that if the Potters knew they were in danger 
from Voldemort, that they'd prefer to have someone take over Harry's 
education and well-being who would not be turning into a ravening 
monster once a month.

It's not a big deal *now* - Harry's certainly old enough to be on his 
own overnight. But one of the traditional roles of a godfather is to 
help raise a child if the parents are unable to. (Not necessarily by 
having custody, but by being a part of their life, at least). Sirius 
obviously couldn't do that, because he was in prison, but in the 
normal course of affairs, it's reasonable to assume that the Potters 
would assume that Sirius might at least be visiting/etc, if not a 
great deal more involved.

We also have no idea, I think, whether the Potters thought that 
Dumbledore would take Harry to the Dursleys. It might have been 
purely Dumbledore's idea. Dumbledore might have talked to them about 
it as a last resort. It might have been meant as a temporary measure, 
except that Sirius got framed, and in a year or two, Harry would have 
been handed over to Sirius. We really don't know. They might have 
specified that Sirius take over as Harry's guardian in event of their 
deaths, and it's the prison part that got in the way, or Dumbledore 
ignoring their stated wishes.

We also don't know what Remus was doing at the time they needed a 
secret keeper. We don't know if he was in the same country, same area 
of the country, or doing something else entirely. There might be 
something about being a werewolf which makes the secret keeper part 
more risky. (I don't know, if when he became a wolf, the spell 
stopped working. Or they thought it might and didn't want to take 
that risk...)

We also don't know about the relative religions - godparents 
generally need to be of the same basic religious faith, as that's 
part of the idea. If Remus were not religious, or of a different 
faith (again, we don't know either way), he wouldn't be a good choice 
for godfather. Or maybe werewolves have a hard time being in 
churches. Or that whoever married the Potters and whoever baptised 
Harry refused to involve a werewolf. Or that Remus asked not to have 
that responsibility.

Lots and *lots* of potential reasons, in other words, that Sirius got 
the best man and godfather postions.

>  Experience teaches that 3 people can't be 'best friends'. Tensions
>are inevitable. We have already seen in GOF that H/R/H have to deal
>with tensions.

Maybe your experience does. Mine doesn't. Nor does that of several of 
my friends and acquaintances.

I have multiple people who are close to me. Two of them are romantic 
partners of mine (I'm polyamorous. Both of them know about the other, 
they're also friends), and I have another best friend I'm not 
romantically involved with. However, I'd identify all of them as 
'best friends' if I weren't romantically involved with two of them.

However, they *are* different people, and have different talents and 
skills. Therefore, sometimes one of them is a preferable person to 
ask for help with something, or for support with something. Or just 
to plain have a conversation on a specific topic. It doesn't make 
them 'not best friends' - but it does mean there's some stuff I'll 
talk about with one of them that I might not with another, or some 
times when I'll ask one of them for specific help, and not another.

For example, only one of the three is really religious himself 
(though we have different faiths) or interested in discussion 
religion more than fairly briefly. If I want to talk about religious 
issues, I talk to him, by preference.

It doesn't mean there are never tensions (though we have very few of 
those, relatively speaking). It doesn't mean that we don't do 
different things with one another. Those things are true. They're 
different people.

But we still all have relationships that I'd define as including 
'best friendshipness'

Some people can't deal with that - some people seem to *need* a 
heirarchy of 'best', 'next best' and so on. And that's ok. But that's 
not how it works for everyone.

Personally, I see the tensions - such as they are - in the HRH trio 
to be as much a factor of the tensions of puberty, and figuring out 
how to deal with friends-of-gender-you're-attracted-to, and 'is this 
friendship or love' more than I think it's fundamentally a heirarchy 
of friendship issue. It might or might not end *up* as a heirarchy of 
friendship issue - but I think it's a bit early to tell. They're 
still young. They're still figuring this out.

Best friendship is only a "There can be only one" if you make it be. 
It *is* a choice to structure your world that way. It's not a 
foregone conclusion.

-Jenett

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