Gullible (filk)

[coriolan_cmc2001]

No: HPFGUIDX 41153

Gullible (from GoF, Chap. 30)

To the tune of Hereupon We're Both Agreed (aka Cock and Bull) – from 
Gilbert & Sullivan's Yeoman of the Guard

Dedicated to Mariner

THE SCENE: The Trial of LUDO BAGMAN. To the dismay of CROUCH & MOODY, 
the jury is eager to acquit the famed Quidditch star.

CHORUS OF JURORS (to BAGMAN)
Even though you're bought to court
To stand trial
Keep your smile

BAGMAN
I am quite the trusty sort 
May I enter
Sans dementor?

CHORUS 
It is plain you don't eat death
Playing perky 
You beat Turkey 

BAGMAN
It is plain that I have been
I'll kid you not
An idiot

CHORUS:An idiot
BAGMAN: I'll kid you not
CHORUS: An idiot
BAGMAN: I'll kid you not

BOTH  An idiot,/ You'll kid us not,
I'll kid you not,/ An idiot
An idiot,/ You'll kid us not,

CHORUS (simultaneous with below)
That dumb jock is gullible
Over his eyes they pulled wool
No penalty 
Will insult he
That poor jock is gullible!

BAGMAN (simultaneous with above)
My dim fans are gullible
Over their eyes I've pulled wool
No penalty 
Will insult me
Those poor fans are gullible!

(BAGMAN is mobbed by autograph-seeking fans. CROUCH and MOODY view 
the outcome with anger.)

CROUCH
I observe with great disgust
Their committal for acquittal
The harsh sentence I discussed
For Azkaban's in the trash can

MOODY
His foolish fans cannot see 
That this athlete 
Also Death Eats

CROUCH
But what sounding worse to me
That he'll someday
Send resume

CROUCH: Ministry job
MOODY: He has a throb
CROUCH: Ministry job
MOODY: He has a throb

BOTH                
Ministry job,/ He has a throb
He has a throb,/ Ministry job,
Ministry job,/ He has a throb!

CROUCH & MOODY
Will networks Old-Boy-able 
Make this guy employable?
If through intrigue
He turns colleague
That will not be enjoyable

CROUCH (eyeing the jury): What a bunch of gulls!
MOODY (eyeing BAGMAN): What a bunch of bull!
CROUCH: What a bunch of gulls!
MOODY: What a bunch of bull!

BOTH           
What a tale of gulls and bull
Gulls and bull, gulls and bull
Him, our colleague!?
What a tale of gulls and bull! 

   - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm