TBAY: GoF Train Ride and Sirius's Correspondents

[dicentra63]

No: HPFGUIDX 41592

"Well? I'm waiting?"

Dicentra starts from a deep sleep to see Cindy, Captain of the Big
Bang, standing before her, arms crossed and foot tapping.  She
struggles to remember what Cindy is waiting for.  She has the vague
feeling that Cindy has been waiting for a Very Long Time.  Dicentra
decides it's best to dissemble her confusion to avoid the Wrath Of Cindy.

"Oh, yes, of course... I was about to... uh..."  Dicentra spots a
can(n)on at Cindy's feet.  "I was about to say whether this can(n)on
deserves a place aboard GARBAGE SCOW."  Dicentra breathes a sigh of
relief.  That had to be it.

Cindy rolls her eyes heavenward.  "Well of course that's what you were
going to do.  What do you think I'm here for, a social visit?  You
don't serve hors d'oeuvres on a GARBAGE SCOW.  That would be disgusting."

Dicentra picks up the can(n)on at Cindy's feet and examines it. 
"Well, what have we here?  A portion of GoF, Chapter 11, Aboard the
Hogwarts Express."

"I'm outta here," mutters Cindy.  "You weren't in deep thought, you
were asleep this whole time.  I don't have time to go over this
again."  Cindy Disapparates in a huff.

Dicentra, oblivious to her departure, reviews the can(n)on.  "Hmmm...
 It doesn't appear that the whole chapter is meant for the SCOW," she
muses to herself.  "The part about Amos Diggory's head in the
fireplace is definitely Useful, the background on Durmstrang is iffy,
but then... oh, here it is," she turns the can(n)on over on its belly
and reads the inscription:  

"'Mrs. Weasley calls a cab, and the main characters are driven to the
train station. They go through the barrier, which we've seen in prior
books and which doesn't matter at all in this book, so to keep it
*exciting*, we're told that they go through in groups instead of solo.
 Then, they board the train and have conversations in which the
Triwizard Tournament is foreshadowed. Harry doesn't know that
something Big is coming, but Mrs. Weasley, Charlie, Bill, and Draco do.'"

Dicentra now begins to remember something that Cindy said about this:

"It seems really unnecessary to me. I mean, the existence of the
Tournament and the secrecy of it was already foreshadowed in Chapter
7, 'Bagman and Crouch.' Besides, what *difference* does it make to the
plot if some people like Draco know about the Tournament ahead of time
and others don't?  It makes no difference at
all! The only one who *has* to know about the Tournament this early in
the book is Bertha, and by extension Wormtail, Crouch Jr. and
Voldemort. And this foreshadowing on the train stuff has nothing to do
with establishing *that*. For all we care, the Hogwarts students can
all find out in the Great Hall when Dumbledore announces the
Tournament."

Dicentra's memory suddenly becomes crystal clear.  Cindy had said that
the chapter's ending was far below par!

"The end of the Chapter kind of *fizzles*, doesn't it? Draco comes in
and irritates Ron, Ron gets angry and then... it just *sits* there
like dead weight. Chapter endings are supposed to be *interesting,*
right? They're supposed to make you want to keep reading, right? And
there are some *fabulous* chapter endings in all four of the books.
Well, look how 'Aboard The Hogwarts Express' ends:

*****************

"Oooh, I wouldn't fancy crossing the lake in this weather," said
Hermione fervently, shivering as they inched slowly along the dark
platform with the rest of the crowd. A hundred horseless carriages
stood waiting for them outside the station. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and
Neville climbed gratefully into one of them, the door shut with
a snap, and a few moments later, with a great lurch, the long
procession of carriages was rumbling and splashing its way up the
track toward Hogwarts Castle.

*********************

"So, after going to all of this effort to establish this ferocious
storm, we learn that *other* characters -- characters we haven't met
and don't even care about -- will brave this storm by crossing the
lake with Hagrid, while our fearless hero Harry will climb into a
carriage for a cushy ride to a castle," The Captain had extended the
gleaming canon to Dicentra, who had accepted it gingerly. "So, then,"
the Captain had said, "doesn't this canon *belong* on the GARBAGESCOW?"

"Well... uh... " Dicentra had bit her lower lip, frowning deeply. "Er,
can I get *back* to you on that?"

Dicentra doesn't remember anything after that.  That's when she must
have dropped off.  She looks again at the final paragraph of "Aboard
the Hogwarts Express" and wonders if it's as Useless as Captain Cindy
had said.  

"Yes and no," she concludes.  "It's true that the chapter ends with a
whimper instead of a bang.  In fact the whole ride to Hogwarts is a
bust.  In the previous three novels, there was always something to
spice things up.  In the first book, the suspense hangs on the very
fact that it's Harry's first time to Hogwarts.  Ron fills in all kinds
of things about the WW, and we meet Hermione, Neville, and Malfoy and
his goons.  In the second book, there's no train ride at all but the
ride in the Flying Ford Anglia.  That's plenty Bangy.  Then in PoA, we
have the mysterious Professor Lupin in the compartment, plus the
boarding of the dementors and Harry's fainting.  That's also worth
staying up to read.  But in GoF we've just got a Lame Secret That
People Won't Tell Other People that really isn't such a big deal
anyway.  In comparison to the first three novels, this journey to
Hogwarts falls so flat it counts as Useless.  Onto the SCOW it goes.

"On the other hand, there is one Useful thing in that last paragraph,"
Dicentra continues. "Hermione's comment about not wanting to cross the
lake in bad weather.  It serves to set up some decent comedy in the
next chapter, during and after the Sorting Ceremony:

**********************

[The first years] appeared to have swum across the lake rather than
sailed. All of them were shivering ... except the smallest of the lot
... who was wrapped in Hagrid's moleskin overcoat.... When he had
lined up with his terrified-looking peers, he caught Colin Creevey's
eye, gave a double thumbs up, and mouthed *I fell in the lake!* He
looked positively delighted about it.

*************************

"Then after the Sorting, Dennis joins his brother at the Gryffindor
table:"

***********************

"Colin, I fell in!" he said shrilly, throwing himself into an empty
seat. "It was brilliant! And something in the water grabbed me and
pushed me back into the boat!"

"Cool!" said Colin, just as excitedly. "It was probably the giant
squid, Dennis!"

"*Wow!*" said Dennis, as though nobody in their wildest dreams could
hope for more than being thrown into a storm-tossed, fathoms-deep
lake, and pushed out of it again by a giant sea monster."

*******************

"You see," said Dicentra, getting out her pointer and tapping the last
paragraph, "this is one of the best lines in the series.  So anything
to contribute to it, even if it comes in the midst of an otherwise
lame paragraph, can be considered Useful.  But the rest of the
paragraph is definitely superfluous as well as lame. Onto the SCOW!"

Dicentra gingerly extracts Hermione's comment and tosses it back into
the Bay.  But just as she is about to heave the rest of the paragraph
onto the pile with the Lame Secret bit, she's startled by a loud bellow:

"Hey! Does anybody care that in Chapter 30 of GoF, Dumbledore told
Harry, 'You are not Sirius's only correspondent.'?"

"Hello, what's this?" says Dicentra, looking out onto the bay.  She
sees a carmel-and-white colored, stout-legged dog in a purple pool toy.

"Don't you think Sirius was writing back and forth with Remus and
maybe even the Old Gang the whole time?!" the dog continues.

"Well..." Dicentra starts.

The dog doesn't appear to have heard Dicentra.  "After all, what
*else* can one do in a half-freezing cave in Scotland all year while
waiting for one's godson to be in mortal danger?" We know Padfoot was
collecting newspapers -- Ch. 27, "Padfoot Returns". And we can
certainly infer from the immediate way Sirius set off at Dumbledore's
instruction (Ch. 36, "The Parting of the Ways") that he had a definite
location in mind, so he knew where at least one of the Old Gang lived.

"Doesn't that suggest strongly that Sirius was collating the news with
fill-in commentary from Remus, with whom it was safe to correspond, as
he already knew of Sirius's innocence; and possibly the others, once
Dumbledore had 'softened the ground' with a letter of re-introduction?"

The dog stops, her voice having gone a little hoarse.  Dicentra
strokes her chin thoughtfully.  "That would make sense," she muses.
"Sirius does toss in that apparently throwaway phrase 'This is mostly
stuff I've found out since I got out' when he's talking about Barty
Crouch Jr's arrest and imprisonment.  He couldn't have found out about
those events from reading discarded *Daily Prophets*.  I always
wondered what his source of information was.  It didn't occur to me
that it would have been Lupin or someone else via owl post.  But it
must have been, because it's doubtful Padfoot could have overheard
this much detail while rooting around in the garbage behind The Three
Broomsticks."

The dog nods enthusiastically.  "Hey, you're one of those corgis,
aren't you," says Dicentra.  "Doesn't the Queen own some of those?" 
The dog nods again, wagging its behind (corgis don't have tails to
speak of). 

"But if you're trying to get me to take that aboard the GARBAGE SCOW,
you've got another thing coming," says Dicentra.  "None of what you've
told me is irrelevant."

"I know that," says the corgi. "That's why I've got my own flotation
device.  It's required in Theory Bay, isn't it?"  

Yes, Dicentra thinks, but there's no acronym, no name for this theory.
 She digs around for a Dixie cup, stuffs a page from "Padfoot Returns"
into it, and taps it with her wand.  Red sparks begin to fly from it,
and soon the cup spits out a scrap of singed paper.  Dicentra catches
it and reads it.

"I dub this vessel SOIL HOCKEY," she says, ceremoniously. "Sirius
Obtains Information at Lupin's Hand. Old Crowd Klatches Entire Year."

The corgi is taken aback by the strange acronym.

"Look," says Dicentra, "if you think that's weird, go to Inish Alley
and see the collection there.  We've got nearly 200!" she exults.

><))~>

"Oh, and get rid of the dead fish," she tells Corgi.  "It's starting
to stink worse than the SCOW."

--Dicentra, who anxiously awaits the return of Captain Tabouli