[HPforGrownups] Everybody Ought To Have An Elf (filk)

[Suzanne Chiles]

No: HPFGUIDX 39400

I wonder ... should Stephen Sondheim starting working on Harry Potter: The
Musical?

Zoe, a MAJOR Sondheim fan/fanatic

> -----Original Message-----
> From: coriolan_cmc2001 [mailto:coriolan at worldnet.att.net]
> Sent: Tuesday, June 04, 2002 9:32 AM
> To: HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com
> Subject: [HPforGrownups] Everybody Ought To Have An Elf (filk)
>
>
> This filk was inspired by the recent thread on house-elves:
>
> Everybody Ought To Have An Elf
>
> (To the tune of Everybody Ought To Have A Maid, from A Funny Thing
> Happened on the Way to the Forum)
>
> Dedicated to Felicia Rickmann (a fellow Sondheim fan)
>
> Hear a MIDI of the original at:
>
> http://www.broadwaymidi.com/shows/funny_thing_happened_on_the_way_to_t
> he_forum.html
>
> THE SCENE: The ground of Hogwarts. Enter LUCIUS and CROUCH, Sr.
>
> LUCIUS
> Everybody ought to have an elf
> Everybody ought to have a helpful sprite
> Everybody ought to use their elf-ful might
> For straightening up the home
>
> CROUCH
> Everybody ought to have an elf
> Everybody ought to own such modest slaves
> Although they are the oddest knaves
> Who are even more weird than gnomes.
>
> LUCIUS
> Oh, Oh, wouldn't it be reposing
> Having `em without clothing
> To do the chores?
> BC: Oh, Oh, wouldn't it be relaxing
> LM: Working less
> BC: Shirking more?
>
> BOTH
> Everybody ought to have an elf
> Someone who you sign up when you need a serf
> To labor on your bit of turf
> Who never have need to roam.
> LM: Moiling in the kitchen
> BC: Boiling up my coffee
> LM: Broiling up some dinner
> BC: Spoiling up the master
> BOTH: Toiling all around the home!
>
> LUCIUS:
> Oh, oh, wouldn't it oppressive
> Were I to use excessive
> Elf-discipline?
> Oh, Oh, wouldn't it be malicious
> Slapping down
> Strapping in
>
> BOTH:
> Everybody ought to have an elf
> Someone proudly showing the ingredients
> Of absolute obedience
> Who'll scrape before our throne
> LM: Keeling beneath their burdens
> BC: Reeling off their Creole
> LM: Kneeling `fore their owners
> BOTH: Concealing fam'ly secrets
> Squealing all around the home
>
> CROUCH
> Everybody ought to have an elf
> Everybody ought to have a vassal who
> Tries so hard not to hassle you
> While cleaning with fine-toothed combs
>
> LUCIUS
> Oh, oh, think of them as a captive,
> Who are highly adaptive
> Slogging about.
> CROUCH:
> Oh, oh, shouldn't they be exploited,
> Giving in,
> Giving out.
>
> LUCIUS
> Everybody ought to have an elf,
> If their work does not give you astonishment
> Assign to them self-punishment
> They're eager to atone!
>
> LM: Yardening in the garden,
> BC: Guarding all through the arbors,
> LM: Ardently bearing tea trays,
> BC Laboring in each doorway
> BOTH: Bustling all around the home!
> The home!
> The home!
>
> (Enter DUMBLEDORE, a bit abashed at having to sing in such company)
>
> DUMBLEDORE
> Everybody ought to have an elf
> Someone who's established in their servitude
> Who know just how to serve a dude
> And shy away from crusades!
> Oh, oh, aren't they all so domestic
> Doing their very best if
> They don't get paid
> Oh, oh, aren't they so very loyal
>
> LUCIUS
> Don't we all
> Have it made?
>
> CROUCH & LUCIUS
> Everybody ought to have an elf,
> Even those with a name that means "bumblebee"
> And though he thinks he's humble, he
> Cannot his part evade.
>
> DUMBLEDORE
> Balancing up my budget
>
> LUCIUS
> Drudgering in your kitchen
>
> CROUCH
> Trudgering in your dorm rooms
>
> DUMBLEDORE
> Fudgering up the Weasleys
>
> CROUCH & LUCIUS
> Smudgering all about your rep!
> Your rep!
> Your rep!
>
>   - CMC
>
> HARRY POTTER FILKS
> http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm
>
>
>
>
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