Elf-Beater (filk)

[coriolan_cmc2001]

No: HPFGUIDX 39552

Elf-Beater (from GoF, Ch. 9)

(To the tune of Man Eater)

Dedicated to Dave Witley

Hear the original at:

http://www.foxlink.net/~bobnbren/1980s.html#M

THE SCENE: The campgrounds after the Quidditch World Cup. Following 
the Dark Wizard riots and the apparition of the Dark Mark, Ministry 
officials find a scapegoat. 

CROUCH, SR. (to WINKY) 
We're all searching here tonight
For culprits who took flight. 
Villains who cast the snake and skull in air.
End your debating!
You've been found with a wand
Don't tell me you're unaware!

WINKY
I's not doing magic, sir
Winky ain't no bad saboteur 
We house-elves are mild, wee sprats tamed by the spurs of our masters
Minding our manners!
I did not cast the Mark, I won't bring disasters

(AMOS DIGGORY uses a spell which proves the wand in WINKY's 
possession was used to conjure the Dark Mark)

DIGGORY
Prior `cantato, that wand must now spit it up
Oh oh, here's the mark of a Death Eater

CROUCH & DIGGORY
Elf, do not stay mum, it's now time to `fess it up
Have you joined with scum who are Death Eaters?

HERMIONE (to CROUCH, with righteous anger)
That poor little helpless elf
You left her by herself
You're selfish, Crouch, you have really ripped her world apart
You're mad as a hatter
Oh, our duty is clear, we must take the least to heart

CROUCH (ignoring HERMIONE)
Hey, elf, get you gone, I propose to give you clothes
House-elf, you're now free, you're a wand-cheater
Winky elf, you're done, watch out, girl, I've thrown you out
House-elf, you best leave, I'm an elf-freer.

HERMIONE
Oh, oh, Crouch you grouch, you just chew her up and spew her out
Oh, oh, Barty Crouch, no doubt, you're an elf-beater 

(CHORUS OF MINISTRY WIZARDS) AND WINKY
(Oh-oh, there she goes, She's a wand cheater) Ooh, don't chew me up
(Oh-oh, there she goes) Hear my cry, I'm an elf pleadin'

(CHORUS) AND CROUCH 
(Oh-oh, there she goes, get out), I'm settin' you free tonight
(Oh-oh, there she goes) You're now free, I shall delete her

(CHORUS) AND HERMIONE
(Oh, oh, it's the end) This elf is reviled, woo
(Oh-oh, there she goes) There she goes, watch out, girl, watch out 
girl!

(CHORUS) AND CROUCH
(Oh-oh, there she goes) Get out! Get out! Get out! Get out!
(Oh-oh, there she goes) Yeah, yeah, I'm an elf-freer

(CHORUS) AND HERMIONE
(Oh, oh, there she goes, she's been defeated), She's wailing and 
weeping, ooh
(Oh-oh, there she goes) He's an elf-beater
..

Gradual fadeout. Exit WINKY left. Exit all others right, except 
HERMIONE

HERMIONE(spoken): "
..chew her up and spew her 
out." ....*Spew*

..Hmmm

.

Exit, deep in thought.

   - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm