[HPforGrownups] TBAY Sirius Black Is Ever So Evil

[Edblanning at aol.com]

No: HPFGUIDX 39658

Charis Julia:

> "Besides, Eloise is right. This is croquet. And everyone knows what's 
> the absolute necessity in order play croquet, don't they?" 
> 
> Flamingos of course! Ah, yes, thank you Cindy," Charis gracefully 
> accepts the one handed to her. "But something's wrong here, wouldn't 
> you say? Something with the colour plan. . . This is pink when what 
> we really need. . ." (Charis glances up at the Black hedgehog and 
> then back at the flamingo) "is. . .is. . .green! Yes. Cabbage green." 
> Charis whips out a can of paint and ducks the bird in humming to 
> herself. (* We're painting flamingos green, we're painting flamingos 
> green. . .*) "And then just one more minor alteration in the 
> decorations. . ." Handling her flamingo as if it were a wand she 
> points it straight at the wicket, which that promptly redesigns 
> itself to form the name ARABELLA FIGG. Charis steps back to admire 
> her handiwork. "Ah yes. Better. Much better."

Aha! Yes! If only we can introduce some more, differently coloured flamingos, 
it will make croquet so much easier! The pink flamingos, remember are 
indicative of Snape's supposed loves and we only have one left since I 
unfortunately strangled its companion (but didn't someone recently suggest 
another love for Snape? Come to think of it, STUDMUFFIN proposes a whole 
harem, so perhaps we're not as badly off as I thought).

But yes, why not have green flamingos to represent Sirius' proposed loves?

> 
> *       *      *
> 
> Some weeks ago Cindy proposed her brilliant Pillow Talk idea. 
> Unfortunately this obvious stroke of genius was unappreciated and 
> eventually discharged. Now, however I move for its re—examination. 

I never quite understood *why* the Sirius/Arabella partnership was abandoned. 
I never thought the objections were strong enough to completely disprove it; 
I rather warm to it, myself.
> 
> According to Pillow Talk, Sirius upon his escape from (the cells of) 
> Azkaban went straight to his old flame Arabella Figg in order to 
> catch up on the latest in the Wizarding World. Several objections 
> where proposed against this theory, of which unfortunately I now only 
> remember my own: If Arabella knew that Sirius was innocent and had 
> heard his Pettigrew story why didn't she take matters into her own 
> hands? Why didn't she simply pay the Weasleys a friendly visit and 
> ask to see their rat? Much simpler than letting Sirius mess 
> everything up in his usual fashion really. 

Yes, but plots *depend* on people messing up, don't they? ;-)

> 
> I now know the answer to this question. And no, it is not, as I then 
> naively proposed, that Arabella simply did not know. Matters are much 
> more sinister than that: Arabella Figg Is Ever So Evil.

Well, yes, she's Florence Lestrange, isn't she?

> 
> And Sirius Black too. They Are Both Ever So Evil. And not only post—
> Voldemort's fall either. Since Always. 
> 
> Yes, exactly. Of course.
> 
> Who is Arabella Figg anyway? If she's a Mrs now, what was her maiden 
> name? Don't know? No idea whatsoever? Well, here's a hint: Albus, 
> Aberforth, Algie (as someone recently proposed) aaaaaand. . . that's 
> right! Arabella! Arabella Dumbledore. Ooh, even the sound of it is 
> right! Yes. That's why Albus trusts her so explicitly. That's why he 
> gave her the all-important job of watching over Harry. That's why he 
> wants her alerted at once after Voldemort's rebirth.

Arabella, Arabella.....Where have I heard that before? I must confess that my 
current bedside reading has made me wonder whether the 'J' of Lupin's name 
stands for Jude. 
> 
> But is Dumbledore right to trust so unquestioningly in his darling 
> little sis'? Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. . .Not sure at 
> all. . .
> 
> You see, well, Aberforth, well, he can't even read, can he? And 
> Algie? He's a nutcase if I ever saw one. But Arabella? She must 
> obviously be talented. Otherwise she could not have been one of the 
> Crowd, could she? And so, of course, she's jealous.
> 
> I mean, why does Albie get to hog all the glory anyway? Since when 
> does he get off being the greatest wizard in the world? The one that 
> defeats Grindewald and even Voldemort fears? Fear Albus, ha! That's a 
> laugh! But it was always that way. . .Their parents were so proud of 
> him. "Albus this and Albus that!" What about Arabella, huh? But now, 
> now its * her* turn! She'll show everyone! Won't they regret the way 
> they treated her when she's the Supreme Ruler of the Universe? `Cos 
> that's her plan naturally. That's why she hooked up with the grandson 
> of the Terrible Grindelwald.

Oh. So she's not Mrs Lestrange.
The move from Albus (think of the Latin) to Black, you mean?
So Sirius is into older women? *Seriously* older women? (If she's Albus' 
sister, presumably she doesn't need to polyjuice herself older.) Or this is 
all in the course of duty? Eeeeew!!!
Oops. Sorry. Got a bit ageist there. Obviously he's just stringing her along, 
yes? Poor Arabella!

> 
> Dicentra's looking interested. "You mean Sirius's grandfather really 
> * was* Grindelwald? Sirius really * is* the offspring of the 
> unfortunate Andromeda Grindelwald Black? He really * is* after his 
> own version of world domination? With himself in charge? Niiiice!"
> 
> Charis nods her head sorrowfully. "Yes, of course. All for the sake 
> of his darling dead mother who's life was so abruptly cut off and 
> who's memory has been so slanderously blemished. He is the protector 
> of the Pack after all. It's just that the pack isn't comprised quite 
> as we had initially imagined."
> 
> Dicentra nods fervently. All this is her baby after all. Eloise is 
> merely looking politely curious. 

No, a mite more than that, if a little sceptical (although caring for all 
hedgehogs with a scrap of canon to their name).

> mistrustful. "Look, I'm not buying none of this  
> Sirius Was Seriously Evil All Along hogwash. He * was* the Potters' friend, 
> he * did* hate 
> Pettigrew!" 
> 
> Charis looks at Cindy in mild surprise. "Well, of course! I don't 
> presume to propose that opposite. He still liked the Potters well 
> enough. They didn't mess with his plans for ruling the universe in 
> any way. And after all Black's not with Voldemort, is he? And 
> Voldemort's the one who killed Lily and James, right?"
> 
> 
> Or is he. . .?

Oooh. Now that *is* Ever So Evil!

> 
> 
> Charis Julia, who is not at all sure about a thing she just wrote, 
> 


Eloise, who isn't sure about any of it either, but quite likes shell-shocked 
Neville and is very confused about whether she and Charis Julia agree on this 
(and are therefore *both* boring) or not. ;-)


For an explanation of the acronyms and theories in this post, visit
Hypothetic Alley at 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/files/Admin20Files/hypoth
eticalley.htm 

and Inish Alley at 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/database?
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