TBAY: HP and the Superfluous Scene

[cindysphynx]

No: HPFGUIDX 40138

The Captain strides briskly through the brig of the Big Bang 
Destroyer, completing her inventory of Dud-Worthy theories.  
Dementor!Snape glides easily around his cell, which is adjacent to 
the SHIPping wing.  Memory Charm Neville stares at the ceiling in a 
nearby cell, posters of Faith covering the walls.  The Captain nods 
to herself, checking the boxes on the manifest with a flourish.

Dicentra appears at the Captain's shoulder, her uniform soaked from 
another swim in Theory Bay.  She wrings a stream of water from her 
long silvery hair, splashing the Captain's steel-toed boots.

The Captain heaves a disgusted sigh.  "Look at you!  I will *never* 
understand why you don't just *Apparate!*"

"Captain," Dicentra says excitedly, "there's a new vessel in the 
Bay.  I *saw* it.  And it's *huge!*"

The Captain's eyes narrow with suspicion.  "Huge?  You mean Bigger 
than Big Bang?"

"Oh, no," Dicentra says, "*nothing* is Bigger than Big Bang.  We all 
know *that.*  But this new ship has a lot of potential.  It looks 
like it was built to hold canons that are *superfluous*!"

"Superfluous canons?"  The Captain frowns.  "Isn't that a . . . 
a . . . . um . . . "

There is an awkward silence.  A seagull squawks in the distance.  
The hull of the Destroyer creaks ominously.

"An oxymoron?" Dicentra suggests helpfully.

The Captain balls her hands into fists, fixing Dicentra with an icy 
stare.  "What did you say to me?"   

"An oxymoron," Dicentra repeats quickly.  "You know, a contradiction 
in terms?  Well anyway, this new vessel is *amazing.*  It's almost 
ready to go.  It just needs someone to fix it up a little.  You 
know, put some more canons on it.  I've already found a pretty good 
one without even trying.  You've *got* to see this!"  Dicentra grabs 
the Captain's arm roughly and pulls her to the deck.  

Shielding her eyes against the setting sun, Dicentra points across 
the Bay to a long, flat-bottomed boat, one hulking canon plainly 
visible on the starboard side.  "My canon is the only one there.  
It's a *pointless scene,* I'm sure of it!  Can you *believe* it, a 
superfluous scene, right there in PoA, the best Harry Potter book of 
them all!  Look!"  Dicentra flips to a passage in Prisoner of 
Azkaban, Cliffnotes Edition:

> Harry wakes up before dawn, thinking that the howling wind of the
> storm awoke him. But no, Peeves was floating above him, "blowing 
>hard in his ear."  He asks Peeves what the sam hill he was doing 
>that for, but Peeves just cackles and blows himself out of the 
>room.  It's 4:30am, and Harry tries to go back to sleep, but the 
>howling of the storm and probably game nerves prevent it.  He gets 
>up, gets dressed, and goes into the common room. On his way out, he 
>stops Crookshanks from getting into the bedroom.  He scolds the 
>cat, saying there are other mice to chase, why doesn't he just 
>leave Scabbers alone.  He thinks that the Quidditch match won't be 
>cancelled on account of the storm, and that Cedric Diggory is 
>heavier than he is and will be less likely to be blown off course.  
>He whiles away the hours before dawn, rising occasionally to stop 
>Crookshanks, and when it seems like it's time for breakfast, goes 
>down to get some grub.  Sir Cadogan challenges him as he leaves and 
>he tells him to shut up.  In the main hall, he has some oatmeal, 
>and the team shows up and talks about the day's game.
 
The Captain looks up, her brow furrowed.  "So?" 

"My point exactly!" Dicentra cries.  "It's a *nothing* scene.  
Nothing happens and nothing matters.  What is this scene *doing* in 
a great book like PoA?"

The Captain pauses, thinking hard.  "Filler?" she says.

"That's right!" Dicey exclaims.  It's just filler.  Just adding 
pages to make the book *longer,* just like we all did in high 
school.  JKR is just filling up pages with *nothing at all,* that's 
what I think."

"Now that you mention it," says the Captain thoughtfully, "JKR does 
do that.  She does that *a lot,* doesn't she?  She sneaks in some 
*filler* on us when we least expect it.  And I can *prove* it!"

"There's more?"  Dicentra asks in disbelief.

"Oh yeah," the Captain says, reaching for her pocket version of 
Goblet of Fire, Cliffnotes Edition.  "Have a look at Chapter 
Six, 'The Portkey':

"Harry wakes up.  He and  Ron get dressed.  Mrs. Weasley makes them 
breakfast.  They discuss apparating.  Mrs. Weasley Summons some 
toffees.  They become winded walking to the top of a hill, chatting 
about Portkeys and the QWC.  They meet Amos Diggory, who is snide to 
Harry.  They find and touch a boot."

"Whoa!" Dicentra says.  "That sure sounds like filler to me.  They 
wake up, eat, walk up a hill and touch a boot?  That's *it*?"

"Well, to be fair, we do learn a few important things," says the 
Captain.  "We see Mrs. Weasley use the Summoning Charm, but Harry 
learns that later anywya and uses it in the Third Task, so JKR 
doesn't have to foreshadow it here.  We do learn about apparating, 
but we see that later, too.  We learn about Portkeys, which could 
easily be slipped in at the beginning of the next chapter.  We meet 
up with Cedric, but we see plenty of him later.  And we meet Mr. 
Diggory, but who cares?   That hardly justifies *a whole chapter,* 
now does it?"  

The Captain nods, smiling broadly at her success.  "So that's pretty 
darn superfluous, and it's not just part of a chapter; it's a *whole 
chapter!*  An entire *superfluous* chapter!"

"You know what *I* think?" Dicentra breathes.  "I think JKR is 
getting paid by *the word!*

"I think you're right.  There's no other explanation, is there?"  
The Captain closes Cliffnotes with a snap.  "And you know what this 
means, don't you?"

"Oh, no," Dicentra moans.  "No!  Not again.  You're . . . you're not 
going to steal my *barge* are you?  You . . . you already stole my 
black hedgehog – "

"Watch it there!" says the Captain, her voice rising.  "I did *not* 
steal that hedgehog.  You *gave* him to me of your own free –"

"You are *not* taking my barge!" Dicentra howls, stamping her foot.

"Like I want to desert Big Bang for a *barge,* the Captain 
sneers.  "You can be the Captain of the Barge.  Just take that load 
of pointless scenes straight to the Theory Bay Landfill where they 
belong, OK?"

"Really?"  Dicentra says, beaming.  "Really?  You mean it?"

"Yeah, I mean it.  Go on," the Captain says easily, "swim on out 
there to *your* barge.  

"And Dicey?"  The Captain reaches deep into one pocket.  

Dicentra pauses, straddling the deck rail, her hair fanning out 
behind her in the wind.

"If you're really going to take care of that barge properly, you're 
going to need your toothbrush."

***************

Cindy


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For an explanation of the acronyms and theories in this post, visit
Hypothetic Alley at 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/files/Admin20Files/hypoth
eticalley.htm 

and Inish Alley at 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/database?
method=reportRows&tbl=13