TBAY: Cruciatus Makes You Stronger/Peter Doesn't Get The Girl

[cindysphynx]

No: HPFGUIDX 40492

The nurse swung open the door that separated the St. Mungo's Clinic 
waiting room from the doctors' offices, scanning the crowd of 
theorists, who all looked up expectantly from their copies of their 
favorite canons.  She hurriedly consulting a chart as scraps of 
paper bulged from it and fluttered to the floor.   "Captain Cindy?  
Is Captain Cindy still here?"

The Captain rose wearily from her seat, heaved her Big paddle to her 
shoulder, and followed the nurse to the last opening off a narrow 
hallway.  The gold-plated sign on the door read, "Dr. George – Canon 
Specialist."  George looked up from a stack of Snape reports, 
brushed his auburn hair from his eyes, and glided to the Captain, 
kissing her softly on one cheek.  He gestured her inside, and she 
collapsed heavily onto a leather chaise, clutching her Big paddle to 
her chest.

George seated himself at his desk, the dark wooden surface polished 
to a high sheen.  "It's been . . . " George quickly glanced at the 
Captain's dog-eared file, "quite a while, Captain.  What seems to be 
the problem this time?" 

"It's Pip.  And . . . and Elkins.  And . . . and . . . it's 
*everyone*!" the Captain blurted out, breaking down 
completely.  "They've *surrounded* me.  I can't get away with *any* 
canon subversion anymore.  They're attacking me, challenging my 
canons, smashing my paddle, spiking hedgehogs at my head, and 
dumping me right into the *Bay* instead of the deck of my SHIP!"  
The words and the tears came in a rush.   "I . . . I  can't fend 
them all off at once.  It's *too much* for one person.  TOO MUCH, I 
tell you!!!  I can't *take* the pressure!  You've got to *help* me, 
Doctor! YOU'VE JUST *GOT* TO HELP ME!!!"

"Whoa! Calm *down*!"  George said, his voice rising 
impatiently.  "Suck it *up,* for heaven's sake --  it can't be 
*that* bad.  You're not making any *sense.*  Try to pull yourself 
*together.*"  He paused, waiting for the Captain to catch her 
breath.  "Now, what theories are they challenging?"

"That . . . "  the Captain sobbed, "that . . . Cruciatus makes you 
*stronger.*  Pip *hates* that theory, and Elkins . . ."  The Captain 
blew her nose vigorously into a stained handkerchief.  "Elkins said 
I was  . . . *demented!*"

"Oh, come *on!*  That newcomer Pip is *ruthless,* I'll give you 
that," George said. "But Elkins would *never* say something like 
that about *you.*  You two *reconciled,* right?  Besides, you go 
*way* back – back to before Fourth Man, before FEATHERBOAS, before 
SYCOPHANTS --"

"And before *the Egg*!" the Captain wailed.

George sighed wearily, his head in his hands.  "Well, what did she 
*say* exactly," he asked.  He lowered his voice. "Because between 
you and me, that Cruciatus-Makes-You-Stronger theory *is* a bit of a 
dog."

"She . . she said Pip would never swallow that Cruciatus makes you 
stronger because Pip is not utterly *deranged.*  And then . . . " 
the Captain's voice broke as she struggled to form the words, ". . . 
then she said it's an *utterly ludicrous notion.*"

George winced and turned away quickly.  "Oh, ouch.  I'll bet that 
really *hurt.*"

"I mean, don't they know I was only *joking* there?  You know, just 
having a little *fun* with good ol' Pip?  Tossing her an easy one 
for her to knock right out of the Bay, you know what I mean?"

George finished her thoughts.  "And now you can't admit you were 
wrong because that wouldn't be *Tough,* is that it?"

The Captain nodded slowly, blinking her reddened eyes.  "Is there 
*any* way out?  *Any* canon argument, *any* JKR interview, *any* 
logic, *anything* that won't draw a huge Yellow Flag?"

George fixed his blue eyes on the Captain as he shook his 
head.  "I'm afraid I have to go with Elkins on this one.  Remember 
the Symposium?  Remember the advice she gave you there:  'Four 
simple words – I.  Concede.  The.  Point.'  That was pretty good 
advice, actually.  That's really all you can do here.  'Cause you do 
*not* want to tangle with Elkins *and* Pip at the same time – oh, 
no.  There's no upside there *at all.*"

"But," the Captain said, sitting up suddenly, "I still have one 
canon left.  I have Moody torturing the spider.  He *enlarged* it 
first.  Can't I do something with that?  He had to enlarge it, 
uh . . . um  . . . because the Cruciatus Curse would make it 
*stronger*, right?  That works, doesn't it?"

George scribbled something on his clipboard, angling it away from 
the Captain.  "Deranged.  Definitely deranged," it read.  He tapped 
his pencil on the clipboard nervously, eyeing the Captain's Big 
paddle.  "Maybe we should move on.  Is there anything else I can 
help you with?"

"Well," the Captain fell back onto the chaise again, the back of her 
hand across her tired eyes.  "Elkins is trying to steal *my* 
Florence theory."

"No!" exclaimed George.

"Yes!" cried the Captain.  "Right in the middle of the canon museum 
and everything."

George raised one eyebrow, a single thin wrinkle marring his boyish 
face.  "Do tell."

The Captain reclined on the chaise, her eyes closed against the 
bright lights of George's office.  "A while back, some of us were 
playing around with Florence theories.  And I came up with this idea 
that it was really *Peter* kissing *Florence* behind the greenhouses 
and Peter hexed Bertha.  That makes Bertha Jorkins' appearance in 
the Pensieve scene of _GoF_ a rich and powerful message from 
Dumbledore's subconscious mind. I wrote it all up in Message 35,398."

George straightened in his chair, his eyes wide.  "Hey, that's not 
half bad!"

"I know, I know.  Well, now Elkins has *hijacked* it!  The whole 
thing – she made off with the *whole darn thing!*  She says she 
doesn't see *why* Peter would have hexed nosy Bertha Jorkins for 
teasing him about kissing a girl. She says a chubby little bottom-
feeder like Peter would kind of *like* it for everyone to know that 
he'd actually managed to kiss a real live girl.  Elkins says that 
Peter was in love with Lily, and that's why Peter was so very angry 
that Bertha tattled about his snogging with Florence."

"Well," George laid his clipboard on the desk and rubbed his chin 
thoughtfully, "that *is* a little bit different."

"No, it's not!"  The Captain's eyes snapped open.  "Well, OK, yes it 
is.  But it's not *right!*"  Her eyes darted to the clipboard.  "Uh, 
aren't you supposed to be writing this down?  For my chart and 
all?"  

George grabbed up the clipboard again and flipped to a fresh sheet 
of paper.  "Let's go over this new Florence theory.  What exactly do 
you mean?" he said.

"Well, if Peter loved Lily in their Hogwarts days, then there's a 
very good reason why Peter was so angry with Bertha – angry enough 
to hex her.  See, we've struggled to figure out who was kissing 
Florence behind the greenhouses.  We've said it was Snape.  Or 
Sirius.  Or Peter.  Or even Lupin.  But we've ignored the *obvious* 
answer."

George kept his face impassive.  "Go on."

"*No one* was kissing Florence!" the Captain cried.  "It *Never Even 
Happened!*  Bertha told Peter she had seen him kissing Florence, and 
it was a *flat-out lie.*  She was *teasing* him – she says so in the 
Pensieve.  And Big Mouth Bertha had to go and tease Peter about 
something that never even happened *right in front of Peter's first 
true love* – Lily Potter.  This *ruined* Peter's chances of ever 
having Lily, drove Lily into the waiting arms of James, and made 
Peter mad enough to hex stupid Bertha on the spot for telling 
tales.  And mad enough to follow up and help kidnap Bertha many 
years later and torture her half to death."  

George looked up quickly from his clipboard, his pen suspended in 
his motionless hand.  "Have you mentioned that to Elkins?  I mean, 
maybe she'll be *reasonable* about it.  It's worth a shot, you know?"

"No!"  The Captain sniffed loudly, waving off the box of tissues 
George pushed toward her.  "No!  I'm *finished* with Florence.  I 
can't go *on* like this.  Now it's just Elkins and Pip who are out 
to get me.  But soon it will be Marina!  And Dicentra!  And 
Caroline!  And those *Pirates!*  And that little monkey!  No, don't 
you see!  They'll *all* come after me if I post that theory!"  Her 
voice wavered out of control.  "I *won't* post my new Florence 
theory, not now, not *EVER!*  I can't, and I WON'T!!!"  she shrieked.

"OK, OK, fine," George said in a soothing tone.  "*Don't* post it 
then.  Really, just *wait* and someone else will post it soon 
enough, OK?  No pressure!  You just take it easy.  Take a little 
*break* from posting, that's what you should do."  

He glanced nervously at his watch.  "Oh, dear.  I'm afraid our time 
is up for this week."

The Captain swung her feet to the floor and shouldered her Big 
paddle as she stood.  She craned her neck to peek at George's 
clipboard, but he quickly turned it face-down on his desk.  "Hey," 
she asked,  "what are you going to do with those notes --  you know, 
your notes about my new Florence theory?"

George waved one hand toward the clipboard.  "Oh, *those*?"  

He gave the Captain a sly wink as he took her arm and guided her 
toward the door.  "Oh, not to worry.  Your secrets are safe with 
me.  Doctor-patient confidentiality and all, don't you know."

***********************

Cindy

**********************
 
For an explanation of the acronyms and theories in this post, visit
Hypothetic Alley at 
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20Files/hypotheticalley.htm 

and Inish Alley at 
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