FILK: When I'm Voldemort

[Tabouli]

No: HPFGUIDX 35919

Marina:
> I hang out in a dungeon that a nicer guy would wither in,
> It doesn't bother me at all because I am a Slytherin.


When I come upon lines as magnificent as this, I feel I should probably stick to acronyms, but once upon a time many moons ago while muttering on-list about Voldemort's shortcomings as a villain (and how Tom Riddle would be appalled to see his later self), I *did* sketch out a couple of lines of "When I'm Voldemort".  Then today, when I saw Pippin's fine filking using the same song, I decided to finish it off...

WHEN I'M VOLDEMORT

(to the Beatles' "When I'm 64", with no final T pronunciation of Voldermort)

SCENE: Tom Riddle, having fiendishly purloined Professor Trelawney's crystal ball, is peering into it, using his dark powers to glean glimpses of his future.  What he sees drains the blood from his handsome young face.  Surely he would never be so stupid as to alienate his entire support base by getting himself totalled by a tot and then resurrected as a snake-monster... would he?

"When I grow old and ugly as sin,
Many years from now,
Will my team respect me with a pallid skin,
Blood-red eyes and skeleton-thin?

When my face looks and sounds like a snake,
Will they shut the door?
Will they still need me, will they still heed me,
When I'm Voldemort?

How long will they wait?
And when I press the Mark,
Will they Apparate?

When little Harry drives me away
Bouncing my AK,
Will the 'Eaters still be standing by my side,
Will this Potter scupper my pride?

Will they pretend they weren't on my team?
Will I lose the war?
Will they still need me, will they still heed me,
When I'm Voldemort?"

Every night Tom worried that his future wouldn't turn out right,
Then it all came clear:
"Well, if they're not brave,
I'll have them on their knees,
I'll make them behave!

I'm making plans, now, I will be fine - 
Quirrell will be mine!
Hide beneath his turban, be his second face,
Get young Barty onto the case;

With Harry's blood, and Wormtail's right hand,
Stronger than before,
I'll make them heed me, oh yes indeedy!
When I'm Voldemort!"

--- Tabouli.


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