Thanking Snape? & Apologies (WAS Where was Snape?)

[cindysphynx]

No: HPFGUIDX 36606

Eloise wrote (about whether the Trio owes Snape an apology):

> He didn't need saving, but ideally the trio *should* apologise for 
knocking 
> him out IMHO. It's one of the things that I'm constantly battling 
to get my 
> kids to understand. 'But I didn't *mean* to'.....No, but civilised 
people 
> apologise for injury caused by accident. If they don't, it implies 
that they 
> don't care what effect their actions have on others and morally, it 
might 
> just as well have been intentional. 

Hmmm.  I think we have to be clear about the various kinds of 
apologies, and we have to distinguish between owing someone an 
apology and deciding to apologize for other reasons.

To start, it is quite common to apologize just to make someone feel 
better.  Lupin demonstrates this in canon:  

"I heard about the match, . . . and I'm sorry about your broomstick.  
Is there any chance of fixing it?"

Lupin actually says the words "I'm sorry," which is pretty unusual in 
canon.  Obviously, Lupin is not responsible for the demise of Harry's 
broom.  Even if he is feeling remorseful because his attendance at 
Hogwarts necessitated the Willow, there has been plenty of time for 
the Willow to be removed and reduced to so much twitchy kindling.  
Nevertheless, Lupin gives us one of the most direct apologies in the 
book.

Similarly, Harry apologizes to Lupin during their Patronus lesson.  
Harry faints, and when he wakes up, he mutters, "Sorry."  Again, 
there's no reason for an apology there either.

So sure.  It's OK and quite common to apologize just because you feel 
like it.  Or it would be polite.  Or it would help you get out of an 
awkward situation.  Or it would make the other person feel better.  
Or it would diffuse tension.

But wizards seem to have trouble with Real Apologies.  The kind of 
apology that sticks in your throat.  The kind of apology when you are 
owning up to a problem you shouldn't have created.  The kind of 
apology you owe when you really did the wrong thing.  This is the 
kind of situation we might have when Harry knocked Snape out.  But I 
still think that no apology is in order there.  Harry did the right 
thing and the necessary thing by knocking Snape out.  Why should 
Harry be morally obligated to apologize for doing the right thing?  
Indeed, if there is a moral obligation to apologize when one does the 
correct thing, then we'd have all manner of meaningless apologies 
flying about.  

That said, I have to kick myself, because I overlooked perhaps the 
biggest, most important apology in the books.  In my favorite scene 
in my favorite book, no less:

"Forgive me, Remus," said Black.
"Not at all, Padfoot, old friend," said Lupin, who was now rolling up 
his sleeves.  "And will you, in turn, forgive me for believing you 
were the spy?"

Now, what on earth are Black and Lupin apologizing for here?  Back 
when Voldemort fell, no one knew whom to trust.  Neither did anything 
wrong by failing to trust the other.  It was nothing personal, and it 
was unavoidable.  Yet there they are, going out of their way to 
apologize before, uh, murdering someone in cold blood.  A lot of 
people have expressed dissatisfaction with this scene, and perhaps 
one reason is that neither character has any good reason to be 
apologizing.  I don't know.

So that brings me back to my original point:  wizards are rather 
clueless about when a Real Apology is in order, and they seem to come 
up short in that department.

Cindy (who apologizes at the drop of a hat and is trying to break 
herself of the habit)