Barty's Soul (filk)

[coriolan_cmc2001]

No: HPFGUIDX 38532

Barty's Soul (from GoF, Chap. 36)

(to the tune of Party Doll) 

Dedicated to Pippin

Hear the original at:
http://www.buffnet.net/~ambrosia/page17.htm

NOTE: Since the original song is rather sloppy to say the least with 
respect to its scansion  (it tries to rhyme "doll" with "wild," for 
gosh sakes), I've allowed myself a similar liberty in my setting.  
And needless to say, my ending is completely non-canonical. 

THE SCENE: Pomfrey's infirmary. Present are HARRY and DUMBLEDORE. 
Enter McGONAGALL, FUDGE and a DEMENTOR

McGONAGALL
Well Fudge bought a `mentor to keep him safe
The `mentor took a gander at that BC waif
The little `mentor thought that his sight was bliss 
It decided right then it'd steal a kiss

DEMENTOR
Gonna go and suck out Barty's soul
Gonna go and suck out Barty's soul
Gonna go and suck out Barty's soul
`Cause I'm a mean soul-snatch machine 
`Cause I like Crouch Cuisine 

DUMBLEDORE
Well, I can't now get Barty to testify
His spying for Voldy to verify

FUDGE
I don't want to sound at all unkind
But he must lose soul for he's lost his mind

(to DEMENTOR)
Go ahead, and suck out Barty's soul
Go ahead, and suck out Barty's soul
Go ahead, and suck out Barty's soul
Don't want demeanin' courtroom scenes
I don't want courtroom scenes

HARRY
Barty Junior now has lost his very soul
That `mentor his senses and feelings stole
Only one thing's left for the likes of he:
A top exec at WB

(Enter CROUCH JR. in a three-piece suit, sunglasses, and a cell phone)

HARRY & CROUCH JR.
A top exec at WB!

CROUCH JR.
Wanna go and sign a three-pic deal
Wanna go and sign a three-pic deal
Wanna go and sign a three-pic deal
And launch a franchise through the skies
With mega-merchandise.

  - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm