TBAY: MATCHINGARMCHAIR: the Debate Rages On (WAS: Yellow Flags and Jobberkno

Mon May 20 21:53:19 UTC 2002

No: HPFGUIDX 38921

The crowd had thinned considerably after Cindy's outburst.  Eloise 
still dozed in her own comfy MATCHINGARMCHAIR.  Debbie sat bolt 
upright in her non-descript meeting room chair, wiping the inky 
black liquid from her writing tablet.  Jtdogberry, a newcomer, 
gathered his things, muttering that someone was going to get hurt if 
this kept up.

There, Cindy thought.  That Jobberknoll variant ought to satisfy 
Elkins once and for all.  And all it cost was a perfectly good 
sleeve of crackers and some warm processed cheese.  Not bad for a 
day's work.  

Cindy strode back to the refreshments table, this time selecting a 
package of Zwieback and a juice box because, after all, Harry Potter 
is just a children's book series.  Elkins sheepishly retrieved her 
Yellow Flag and used it to mop the sweat from her upper lip.  

Cindy eased herself down into her MATCHINGARMCHAIR.  This time, she 
did not put her refreshments on her Big paddle.  She wanted to be 
ready for anything.

******************

Elkins mumbled into the microphone, something about having a 
confession to make:

>After all, Elkins had once (as she now recalled with some 
> degree of embarrassment) ascribed to the Reverse Memory Charm 
>theory herself.  
> 
> But that had been a long time ago.  Back in the halcyon days.  
>Back before she and Cindy had been forced to sever their 
>engagement.  Back before Cindy had grown bitter and started 
>carrying around that great big *paddle.* 

Cindy nodded knowingly, drifting off into deep thought . . . . 

Yes, those were the days.  Elkins once embraced the Reverse Memory 
Charm enthusiastically – with extra exclamation points and 
everything.  Cindy could quote from those messages, but that would 
be unspeakably churlish.  Cindy had not forgotten these things.  But 
people grow.  People change.  And sometimes . . .  sometimes . . . 
people grow apart.  Oh, sometimes they stray far, far away from 
canon in their attempt to find the Right memory charm theory.  
Sometimes they even sponsor entire *Symposiums*.  But they always 
return to their MATCHINGARMCHAIR . . . when the time is right . . .  

Elkins is speaking again.  Something about dementors and eggs:

>But you've still got the Egg and the Dementor to deal with.  The 
> Jobberknoll doesn't fix those.  If you really want to convert me 
>to your Reverse Memory Charm cause, then you're going to have to 
>find some way around the Egg and the Dementor.  Otherwise, I just 
>can't go for it.

Ah, the Egg and the Dementor.  Is that all?  Well, why didn't you 
*say* so!

Let's tackle the Egg first.  What's the problem there?

Elkins:

>Because even if you turn the volume knob all the way down 
>to "intermittent cries of agony," and the frequency dial all the 
>way to "only when Snape picks on Neville in Potions class," you're 
>still left with the problem that Neville ought to *know* what 
>people in pain sound like, and that they really don't 
>sound the slightest bit like a ghost orchestra playing on the 
>musical saw -- which is what the mermaid song from Harry's Egg 
>sounds like. So the Egg Problem still stands.

Well, I have some personal experience in this area.  Over the years, 
I have tortured *many* people within an inch of their lives, and if 
you go at it *just* right, if you *really* know what you're doing, 
once they stop saying actual *words* and stop with all the 
*begging*, they do in fact make this freakish high-pitched squeal 
that sounds exactly . . . 

<Naama gathered her things and quickly took up a position by the 
emergency exit.>

People, people, people.  The Egg is Not A Problem for 
MATCHINGARMCHAIR.  The Egg's wail is described as "the most horrible 
noise, a loud and screechy wailing" like the ghost orchestra at 
Nearly Headless Nick's deathday party playing musical saws.  When 
Harry opens the Egg in the bathtub, the wailing, screeching sound is 
described as "incomprehensible."  When Harry drops it on the stairs, 
it again is said to sound like "wailing." 

And what does the cry of the tiny Jobberknoll sound like:  "A long 
scream made up of every sound it ever heard, regurgitated 
backward."  Gee, that might sound a lot like a horrible noise, a 
loud and screechy wailing that would be *incomprehensible*.

The Egg's screeching sounds to Neville just like the death scream of 
the Jobberknoll.  No wonder poor Neville likens it to the sound of 
someone being tortured! The Jobberknoll death rattle is what Neville 
is reacting to in that scene in GoF, not the actual cries of his 
parents, which would be *plenty* comprehensible.  

Elkins interrupts, which under the circumstances shows 
uncharacteristic bravery:

>It also doesn't fix the Dementor problem.  If Neville had a Reverse 
> Memory Charm, then the Dementor on the train at the beginning of 
>PoA really should have been able to dredge that memory up for him.  
>He would have been reliving the experience of having witnessed his 
> parents being tortured.  And if he really had been reliving that 
> experience, then I just can't imagine that he wouldn't have 
> been in far worse shape than Ginny.  Or Harry, for that matter.  
>But he wasn't.  He was doing better than either of them.  Harry 
>passes out.  Ginny looks "as bad as Harry feels." But Neville's 
>just pale and shaken.  So that's a problem too.

Ah, that's not a problem either, because that is exactly as it 
should be.  I challenge the premise that Neville should have a more 
severe reaction than Harry.  Neville watched his parents tortured, 
not killed.  He still goes to see them.  And nothing in canon 
suggests that Neville's life was ever in danger that night.

Harry, on the other hand, was practically blasted out of his 
screaming mother's arms by the Most Evil Dark Wizard who ever 
lived.  As the house collapsed around Harry's head, Voldemort tried 
to kill Harry, too.  Voldemort was then vaporized on the spot, while 
Harry received a great gash on his forehead and the ability to speak 
the Dark Language Parseltongue.  If you add in that awful link that 
Harry seems to have with Voldemort, it is no wonder that Harry fares 
so poorly against dementors.

As for Ginny, she suffered at the hands of Tom Riddle, who is . . . 
Voldemort.  She came within minutes of dying as the life was slowly 
drained from her.  In contrast, Neville watched others suffer at the 
hands of wizards far less powerful than Riddle or Voldemort. Ginny's 
reaction should be somewhere between Harry and Neville.  And it is.  

Harry and Ginny react more than Neville to the dementor on the train 
because they both survived near-death experiences at the hands of 
Voldemort, whereas Neville merely witnessed an atrocity.  

Nah.  The Dementor on the train is no trouble.  No trouble at all.

So . . . will you convert, Elkins?  A deal's a deal, right?  ;-)

***************

Cindy reclines back into her MATCHINGARMCHAIR, awaiting Elkins' 
conversion that Cindy *knows* must be coming.  The Egg objection?  
Defeated.  The Dementor objection?  Defeated.  The Yellow Flag 
violation?  Defeated.  Surely that should be the *end*, after all of 
these months of terrible Memory Charm conflict.

But what on Earth is this?!?

***************
Elkins:

> And just calling Reverse Memory Bangy and FEATHERBOASish isn't 
>going to convince me.  It is indeed true that the Reverse Memory 
>Charm is appealingly cruel and horrid.  But it's hardly the *only* 
>appealingly cruel and horrid Memory Charm theory floating around in 
>the Bay, you know.  Many far more stable Memory Charm theories give 
>every bit as much Bang for the buck -- and a number of them are 
>every last bit as ghastly as the MATCHING ARMCHAIR.  Can't I 
>interest you in a Ministry Cover-up instead?  One with an option on 
>Ever So Evil Moody, perhaps?  That one's pretty Bangy.  Or how 
>about Debbie's Memory Charm Most Foul flavored DEPRECIATION 
>variant?  That one has Bang *and* cruelty!  Won't you at least try 
>it on for size?

Ah, misdirection.  Elkins underestimates Cindy.  

*No way* is Cindy going for any of those alternative Memory Charm 
theories because, aside from the *plethora* of yellow flag 
violations in some of them, they are all sizzle and no Bang.  No 
Bang at all.  Lots of allegations of corruption and collusion and 
such, that's true, but no more so than in MATCHINGARMCHAIR.  

In the final analysis, though, we're talking about that same old 
Traditional Memory Charm that 90% of readers worked out on their 
own.  Nothing can change the fact that, no matter how much you dress 
up those Traditional Memory Charm theories, there's no potential 
Bangy plot twist with Memory Charm Neville because we've all been 
ready for it since the end of GoF. 

Elkins:

> The Reverse Memory Charm actually isn't even all that Bangy to 
>begin with, now, is it?  

>I mean, the idea that Neville might be hearing his 
> parents screaming in torment all the time is indeed cruel, and it 
> does indeed please my featherboas, but it isn't really in the 
> *slightest* bit Bangy.  It doesn't offer any opportunities for a 
> Great Character-changing Catalyst, or for a Shocking Revelation, 
>or for a Mind-Blowing Plot Twist, or for an Oscar-worthy Cinematic 
> Moment, or *any* of that.  
> 
<snip>
>
> In *fact,* I don't think that Reverse Memory Charm belongs on the 
>Big Bang Destroyer at *all*.  I say that it's a *Dud,* and should 
>be stowed away in the hold until it can prove its merit!

Cindy stops gnawing her Zwieback, wiping the sodden cracker from her 
lips.  A vein throbs in her temple.  Her eyes narrow.

What is the meaning of this?  Did I hear *correctly*?  Is this an 
ill-conceived *mutiny* on the Big Bang Destroyer?  A blatant attempt 
to throw the Captain into the brig, MATCHINGARMCHAIR and all?

It has come to this, has it?  This challenge  --  from the Captain 
of the Fourth Man Hovercraft of all things!  The Hovercraft that is 
in such bad condition, such disrepair, that it is *coated* in foul 
seagull droppings.  The Hovercraft that has been left to drift, 
rudderless, as Judy, Debbie and even Eileen's *brother* attempt to 
capsize it just for the sport of it?

And now . . .  Elkins, the Captain of the pitiful, neglected 
Hovercraft, dares declare which theories belong on the Big Bang 
Destroyer?!?  Oh, this is far worse than spraypainted graffiti, far 
worse than the odd seashell tossing, far worse than murdering Pig, 
Erroll and Hedwig. . . . This time, Elkins has gone *Too Far*!

<Eloise's pet hedgehog dives under her chair.  Avery Disapparates.  
Stoned!Harry attempts his Shield Charm.  Naama swings open the 
emergency exit.>

Let me tell you something!  I have been Banging since before you 
were *born*!  I am the *Queen* of Banging!  Reverse Memory Charm 
Neville is Bangy if I *say* he is!

And I can prove it! What's the future Bang with every one of the 
Memory Charm Neville variants?  Hmmmm?  That the Charm will be 
removed?  And?  So?  What?  Neville cries his little eyes out when 
he finally remembers what happened?  He gets a little *snippy* with 
Gran?  He sleeps past noon for a few days? That's it?  That's all 
you've got?

Well, I'll have you know that with Reverse Memory Charm Neville, we 
get *multiple* Bangs.  We get a huge scene where Harry finally asks 
Neville about what happened the night the Longbottoms were tortured 
and Neville tells the whole gruesome tale in excruciating detail.  
(All of the Memory Charm Neville theories, in contrast, have a scene 
where Harry asks Neville about this and Neville gives him a *blank 
stare* because he *doesn't remember anything*.)  We then get a huge 
confrontation where Neville finally confronts his biggest fear – 
Snape!  He demands to know why Snape fed him the Jobberknoll Memory 
Potion.  Neville.  Stands.  Up.  To.  Snape!    You can have 
weeping, you can have cursing, you can have dueling, you even can 
have hand-to-hand combat.  The Bang can go on for dramatic page 
after dramatic page!  

MATCHINGARMCHAIR with optional Jobberknoll variant has it all:  
intrigue, unpredictability and rock solid canon foundation.  JKR 
would approve, Elkins, you know she would.  And it's really, really 
comfy, too.  Go on, try it one more time.  And put your feet up.  
I'm *sure* there's a GIANTCUSHION around here somewhere.  ;-)

***********

Cindy

For an explanation of the acronyms and theories in this post, visit
Hypothetic Alley at 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/files/Admin%
20Files/hypotheticalley.htm 

and Inish Alley at 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/database?
method=reportRows&tbl=13