TBAY: Filch's Double-Cross

[lucky_kari]

No: HPFGUIDX 46022

"Eileen, are you all right?"

"Do I look all right, Cindy?" shrieks Professor Eileen Lucky-Kari,
downing another glass of mulled mead.

"It's not about Oprah, is it?" begins Cindy. "Because to tell the
truth, I was being rather tongue-in-cheek there."

"IT IS NOT ABOUT OPRAH!" screams Eileen, smashing the glass on the
table. "IT'S ABOUT GEORGE!"

Captain Cindy sighs. She had known this would eventually happen.
Getting involved with George has never been a good idea. Elkins has
tried time and again to warn the Bay about his Don Juan ways, but will
anyone listened to her?

"AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!" screams Eileen, louder than any Howler. "IT'S
ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Woah! Calm down there. What's my fault?" asks Cindy.

"Y-y-you told George to see Melody home."

"You wanted her to walk home by herself? Shame on you, Eileen. How
jealous can you get? It's a dangerous world out there. She might be
accosted by Elkins, for heaven's sake!"

"You know that George can't help flirting with any girl he comes
within five feet of," says Eileen accusingly. 

"Yes. You should be used to it by this point."

"I could have dealt with that. But then what he said to Risti."

>"Alright ladies, I kept the place open a bit late due to our 
>special visitor, but I really should get home to the Missus 
>before dawn," George told them from over the counter.

"He's been married. The whole time he's been married and he's been
leading us all down the garden path. I will never, ever date a
Snapetheory again!"

"I think that's a safe resolution," said Cindy. "How many personified
Snapetheories do you know? But, Eileen, how do you know George was
telling Risti the truth? Maybe that's just his spiel to get rid of the
guests."

"Maybe."

"On the other hand, there's other nice guys out there. Have you ever
thought of dating Avery?"

"Avery doesn't have auburn hair," says Eileen stubbornly.

"Ah, but he has chocolatey brown eyes. No, that's not good enough?
Look, forget the mulled mead. Drown your sorrows in Filch speculation."

"Cindy, Risti's right. You're on the wrong track."

"How dare you cross me?" cries Cindy.

"All these new TBAYers have gone to your head. You may call yourself
tough, but you're just a big softie. Have you ever used Cruciatus on a
fellow listie?"

"Err... no," said Cindy.

"Do you regularly chain people to the walls of your deprogramming
rooms below deck?"

"Err... no."

"The only unforgivable thing you've ever done is Imperio'ed your
professor for an A+. You can't touch the achievements of the great
ones: Elkins and Tabouli. You sent me off to Azkaban, and then changed
your mind a few minutes later, and held a re-trial. You know, you're
like Melody's appraisal of Filch."

"I don't know why you think you can get away with this."

"I sailed under Captain Tabouli for several months. I know what real
piracy is, and you practice some watered-down version of it. Anyway,
about Muggles getting into the wizarding world. There's a very easy
answer and it has nothing to do with invasions."

"Well, forget that!" cries Cindy. "I wanted something bangy!"

"Oh, this is bangy, all right! Do you remember what JKR said about a
character who will do magic late in life?"

"Filch!" cries Cindy.

"That's very likely," says Eileen, "but I really don't like it. That
has no bang, Cindy. Filch learns to do magic. Who cares? He's not an
interesting character. It'll be all heart-warming, most of the
audience will be weeping tears of joy, and you and I'll be impatiently
pushing on for the great Avery moment. Even if he saves Harry, it
doesn't have bang. So, the other two candidates here are always
Petunia and Dudley Dursley. Both of whom could very well end up
getting into the wizarding world. If either of them was to magic, that
would be bangy as well. And JKR has suggested that there may be a
redemption scenario for Dudley down the road. "There's a lot of things
coming with the Dursleys that you wouldn't expect," didn't she say,
more or less? And she said she felt sorry for Dudley, b/c he has been
abused? Well, that's my theory and I'm sticking to it. Excuse me, I
need to go and have a talk with George."

"I'm sure it'll be all right." says Cindy, looking at her worried. "He
can't really have been serious about the "Missus."

"That'd better be so," says Eileen.