TBAY - Augustus Rookwood Is Ever So Sexy!

[lucky_kari]

No: HPFGUIDX 46935

Eloise is holding forth on Death Eaters to the entire tavern.

"Now Augustus Rookwood," - Cindy and Eileen both perked up at the
mention of this name, "(whom I have recently been persuaded by others
is ever-so-sexy, no mean achievement for a man who not only doesn't
speak, but isn't even *seen*), is merely accused of passing
information. But look, you can kill someone by passing on information,
can't you? Conspiracy to murder is morally no different from the act
of murder itself, is it?"(1)

Neither Cindy or Eileen answers. Instead a far away look comes into
their eyes.

"Is it?" demands Eloise. "Is it?"

"Augustus Rookwood is dead sexy," says Eileen. "If that doesn't
represent your views on the matter, Cindy, I humbly beg your
forgiveness, but all your gushing posts about Rookwood did have me
wondering, and got me to the point where I have a very definite
picture of Rookwood. What woman wouldn't fall for "Augustus Rookwood
of the Department of Mysteries?" (2)

"Oh, no apology needed," cries Cindy, "as I do think Rookwood is Dead
Sexy. I have his tattoo on my arm for good reason.

I mean, Augustus Rookwood has it *all.* He has a dead sexy name.
He outfoxed the Ministry until Karkaroff ratted him out, so he's
cagey. He was the head of the Department of Mysteries, so he's
powerful. The smart money says he doesn't wear lime green suits
like Fudge, so he's a snappy dresser. And he's likely spent quite a
long time in Azkaban, so he desperately needs the love of a good
woman. Redemption? Rookwood doesn't need no stinkin' redemption.
Nah, I think he's like Mrs. Lestrange -- Evil To The Core and Proud
Of It. ::swoon::" (3)

Everyone in the tavern is fixated on Cindy and Eileen.

Porphyria chimes in, "If it's any consolation, I think a guy named
Augustus Rookwood who works for the Department of Mysteries and spies
for the bad guys must be dead sexy too. And I agree that with a name
like Rookwood, he *must be a Ravenclaw.* I like to think he sold his
soul for Dark Knowledge...." (4)

"Augustus Rookwood," continues Eileen, "is exciting. He's not like the
other Death Eaters. He's got that Death Eater feeling, but he's also
got that Ministry feeling. A deadly combination. (5) Congratulations
on joining us, Eloise, btw. I remember you were very skeptical when I
first mentioned I had a crush on Rookwood." 

"But where's the canon?" demands Faith.

Cindy doesn't look worrried in the slightest. "Canon isn't a problem.
All I need is an assist from Elkins to make this thing work. I need
someone to comb the text, reading *way* too much into it of course,
looking for suggestive language. You know, some flared nostrils
like the graveyard, some proof that someone, somewhere is about to
be violated. That sort of thing. ;-)" (6)

"Well, I don't know about that," says Eileen. "But I think we have
enough canon already. Not text really. But subtext. Cindy's points are
excellent. You know, I think we have something here that we can all
agree on. No more will Eloise and I duel each other over whether
Crouch Sr. or Jr. is sexier. The Sirius vs. Snape wars will end. All
will unite in swooming over Rookwood. Cindy, could we have Rookwood
t-shirts?"

"Well," says Cindy, standing up beaming, "I won't be handing out
Rookwood t-shirts, but I could be talked into handing out Rookwood
thongs." (7)

Every chokes on their drink. 

"You guys have *got* to take a break. I mean, you *do* have a couple of
months to go, at the very least, before book 5 is out," Amanda is
heard muttering. (8)

Eileen

(1),(2),(3),(4),(5),(6),(7),and(8) are taken from emails by the
acknowledged authors.