TBAY: Banging On The Dishwasher Some More

[abigailnus]

No: HPFGUIDX 47100

After a few minutes of stunned silence, Abigail starts trying 
to pull it together.  There she was, having what might be 
termed a calm conversation with Melody and Pip (it certainly 
seems calm now) when Cindy came over and... The actual 
events seem to be blurred in Abigail's memory.  She 
remembers that all of a sudden the table wasn't where it was 
supposed to be, and food started flying all over the place, and 
then George was there and now she has a large guacamole 
stain on the front of her shirt that certainly wasn't there 
before, but the actual sequence of events is aparently too 
much for her fragile psyche to directly address.  She 
absent-mindedly combs spent ketchup packets from her hair, 
and observes her two companions.  Melody seems to be 
catatonic, one hand still reaching for her mouth, grasping a 
potato chip that has long since been crushed into flakes.  
Pip!Squeak appears to be handling things a bit better - but 
then that's only to be expected.  As the originator of MAGIC 
DISHWASHER, she's no doubt come across some rabid 
oposition in the past.  Although perhaps not quite so literally.

With George's help, Abigail rights their fallen table, which is 
now unfortunately wobbling rather seriously.  George goes to
 get something to wedge under the leg, and comes back with 
a bottle of brandy and three glasses (or is it snifters?).  
Abigail has heard strange things about TBAY brandy, but 
figures she could really use a pick-me-up, so she downs a shot 
(is there such a thing as a brandy shot?).  The smell seems to 
have a reviving effect on Pip, she clutches unthinkingly at the 
proferred glass, downs it in one gulp, and shudders violently.  
Only then do her eyes unglass as she returns to the land of 
the living.

"What was that?"  She gasps.

Abigail brushes some ashes from the incinerated flower 
arrangement off Pip's robes.  "I don't think," she says finally, 
"that Cindy will be purchasing a MAGIC DISHWASHER any time 
soon."

"My God..."  Pip!Squeak clutches at her head.  "The Paddle!  
The dreaded Paddle!"

"Actually, I don't think she had her paddle with her this time, 
so you should count your blessings."  

Pip gives Abigail a baleful look.  "I suppose you're very pleased 
about this.  Cindy came down completely on your side."

Abigail attempts a nonchallant shrug.  "I was trying to put it a bit 
more gently, but I guess that's not always a good thing.  Do you 
remember exactly what she said?"  Abigail rummages through 
the still-petrified Melody's belonging and finds her magical 
voice-recorder, which was luckily active throughout Cindy's... 
outburst.  She fast-forwards through quite a lot of screaming, 
ripping, crashing, and wet 'splat!' noises before she comes to the 
part she was looking for.

> "Besides, Abigail has a point.  The cornerstone of MAGICDISHWASHER 
> seems to be that Albus Dumbledore is living a lie!  Any bit of canon 
> that support MD is embraced, but any canon that contradicts MD can 
> be dismissed as Master Misdirection, all carefully orchestrated as 
> part of a master plan to restore Voldemort.  Even if Dumbledore were 
> to face down Voldemort and explicitly disavow MD, the MD crowd would 
> just say he was lying.  
> 
> "That means the theory has no *tension* -- no inherent risk!  If it 
> can never be disproved, it can't be exciting.  So if the MD 
> adherents say that their theory is totally incontrovertible, 
> well . . . then why even bother to analyze it?  So I have a 
> question, one simple question:  Can any of the MD adherents tell us 
> what it would take to *disprove* the theory?"

Pip sniffs.  "I think I've mentioned several times that a direct 
disavowal of any DISHWASHER type activities on Dumbledore's 
part would disprove the theory quite nicely."

"So you have,"  Replies Abigail half-heartedly, as she tries to 
extract mixed nuts from her backpack, "I suppose Cindy and I are 
just suspicious by nature - we rather distrust that, if the time 
ever comes, some enterprising MD supporter won't be able to 
swing the canon his way.  Anyway, you know my feelings - the 
fact that a theory hasn't been disproven is not proof of its truth."

"DISHWASHER is like LOLLIPOPS." Pip is getting her strengh 
back, and getting into the swing of things.  "It's a backstory 
theory.  Backstories are things worked out by the author that 
may never actually make it into the published novels.  
DISHWASHER may well be true in JKR's mind, and she just 
won't get around to expressing it."

"I find it hard to believe that such a radical upheaval of the entire 
world as it has been presented to Harry - and to us - could just 
be glossed over because JKR needs more page space for Quidditch 
matches."  Abigail points out.  "But leaving that aside, even if that 
were true it wouldn't matter.  If it stays in JKR's head then that's 
the only place in which MD is true (if it is true) - if it's not in the 
books, it's not canon."

"That's a metathinking argument."  Pip says.

Abigail shrugs.  "I metathink."  She says.  "And so do you, 
apparently, when it's convenient."

Just then Melody unfreezes.  She smiles angelically, apparently 
unaware of the mayhem that's taken place all around her.  
"Did I doze off?"  She asks.  "I didn't mean to, I was just waiting 
for Abigail to answer me and then..."  Her brow furrows suddenly, 
but she shakes off the bad thought and turns back to the other 
two women at the table just in time to miss Abigail mouthing 
'hystrical amenesia' at Pip!Sqyeak and Pip's sage nod.  "Anyway, 
I heard you talking about disproving MAGIC DISHWASHER, and 
gracious Abigail, there are *a lot* of theories out there that could 
stay a theory. Just because it has not been proven does not 
mean it does not exist. The canon that backs those ady, and the 
theory is just a different way to read the text. Now whether we 
think it is a good theory or not is left for us to decide. The theory 
remains just a theory without the backing of the next three books 
and does not become proven *fact*." She shifts uncomfotably in 
her seat.  "Why is my lap full of cheese dip?"

"Just a little mishap."  Abigail says hurriedly.  "Anyway, we have 
slightly different opinions on what a theory is, or rather what it 
can be by the end of book 7.  Right now, there are practically as 
many theories as there are list members, and naturally they 
can't all be true - if only because half of them directly contradict 
the other half.  What we have here, ladies, in other words," 
Abigail paused for dramatic effect, "is a classic case of 
Schroedinger's Theory."

Pip!Squeak and Melody exhange glances.  Just out of Abigail's 
field of vision, Melody mouths 'delusions of grandeur'.  Pip nods 
sagely.

"Right now, all these lovely thoeries exist in an uncertain state."  
Abigail continues, oblivious, "inasmuch as they are all canonically 
sound, they are all both true and false, and will remain in this 
dual state until such time as canon directly addresses them - 
either to proove or refute - or until the series ends and there is 
no more new canon, in which case the remaining theories will 
collapse upon themselves as if they never existed.  And that,"  
Abigail points an accusing finger at Melody, "is why I call staying 
in the Safe House not playing fair.  Hurricane Jo!  As if that were 
the worst of our problems!  Why, every sailor in the BAY knows 
in the very depths of their hearts that some day the decks may 
vanish beneath their feet, and they'll have to swim to shore as 
best they can.  So you see, I can't accept that MAGIC 
DISHWASHER will remain 'just a theory' even after book 7 ends - 
it should either be proven or abandoned."

"Book 7."  Repeats Pip!Squeak in a leaden voice.  "You've had 
us here talking back and forth about something that will happen 
at the end of book 7.  Why, woman, we'll all be lucky to be *alive* 
when book 7 comes out!"

Abigail is stumped.  "Well, this isn't even the discussion that I 
wanted to get into!"  She cries, exasperated.  "I just made an 
offhand remark about my own personal problems with MAGIC 
DISHWASHER, and why I didn't enjoy arguing against it because I 
felt that the ground was constantly being pulled up beneath me, 
and next thing I know I'm yanked into this two-bit saloon with a 
barman who won't give me credit and a lunatic who throws onion 
rings at me even though she agrees with what I said!  The 
discussion that I really care about is about MD itself, not about 
the laws of civilized theorizing.  Melody, you never did deal with 
my problems with Dumbledore's logistics."

"Yes I did!" Melody cries, indignant, which is a good thing 
because that 'lunatic throwing onion rings' line was starting to 
jog her memory.  "I explained how even though Dumbledore 
leaves a great deal to chance when he tries to orchestrate 
Sirius's escape - well, all the best laid plans are subject to a world 
of possiblities..."

"Please," Abigail interjects, "I said that myself.  I said that the 
events of PoA, and specifically what goes down in the Shrieking 
Shack and the manner of Peter's escape, are clearly a contingency 
plan.  There's just no way Dumbledore could have arranged all 
those variables coming together - he just pulls together whatever 
resources are at his disposal to put himself back on track.  That 
makes sense to me.  My problem is, what was his original plan?  
MAGIC DISHWASHER talks a lot about Plan B, and even C and D 
eventually, but what about Plan A?  What was Dumbledore's 
original game plan before Sirius went and ruined everything?  I 
said that at this point, no such plan emerges from MD, and as 
result the theory looks more like shoving the past into a 
convenient mold.  Neither of you responded to that claim."

Melody and Pip!Squeak exchange guilty glances, and Pip decides 
that it might be wise to change the subject.  "Going back to the 
two 'traits' that you claim are so obvious in 
Dishwasher!Dumbledore, you claimed that D!D put the ends 
before the means.  You know, it's amazing how many people 
will smugly say `that sounds like putting the ends before the 
means' to me, and think that this immediately implies that the 
person concerned will condone having babies for lunch if it's for 
a good enough reason."

"That,"  Abigail points out, "is a blatant use of an extreme case 
in an attempt to disqualify the far more moderate suggestion 
that I made.  I never suggested that Dumbledore no longer has a 
line he won't cross.  Well, maybe I did.  But what I *meant* to say 
was that wherever his line used to be before his actions brought 
about people's deaths, it has been pushed much further into 
territory that the old Dumbledore (if such a creature ever 
existed) would consider immoral.  You're right, of course, when 
you say that for most people, there's still a question of which 
ends and which means, but since in this case the ends are s
aving the world, I suspect that Dumbledore is willing to 
compromise his principles quite a bit.  And that's not my 
argument -that's yours."

"Well," Pip!Squeak says, moving around in her chair, trying to 
find a comfortable position, which is accompanied by the sounds 
of cracking potato chips.  "Voldemort is a killer. Voldemort has 
no need whatsoever to kill Cedric. He could have had Pettigrew 
use Snape's rope trick, tied Cedric up, and had him completely 
unable to help Harry in any way. But he just orders `the spare' killed..."

"Oy Vey!"  Abigail cries.  She leaps from her chair, and lands on her 
knees on the floor before Pip, oblivious to the beer staining her pants.  
Pressing her hands together in the universal gesture of pleading, she 
continues, "I beg of you, no more!  If I listen to the argument of why 
it's right for Dumbledore to accept Cedric, Frank and Bertha's deaths, 
why those deaths are in fact the lesser evil in the long run, and why 
Dumbledore still better than Voldemort one more time I will go 
meshugge and start speaking entirely in Yiddish.  You see, it's 
already starting to happen!  This is at least the fourth time since this 
discussion started the the entire argument has been repeated, and 
I already knew it before the first time!  I get it, I really do get it.  I =

just don't get why you think this argument at all contradicts my 
assertion that D!D would accept Karkarof's death as a necessary evil."

Pip!Squeak is nonplussed.  "Um, you see..."  She starts.  
"Dumbledore has a choice: he can look at the deaths of Bertha 
Jorkins, Frank Bryce and Cedric Diggory and say `If it wasn't for 
my plan you might not have died, but I am trying to give your 
deaths some point, trying to destroy the evil that killed you'. Or 
he can look at the other, unnamed deaths that Voldemort has 
caused and (given Voldemort's nature *will* cause) and say – 
`I have done nothing about this at all. Sorry. Personally I don't 
want to get my hands dirty. It's unfortunate you died, of course, 
but it wasn't as a direct result of any plan of mine, so it's nothing 
to do with me.' You cannot avoid moral choices by inaction. 
Inaction is itself a moral choice."

Abigail gets up and gives Pip and quizzical look.  "I'm sorry, maybe 
I missed something there.  How did that last part at all contradict 
my point?  It seems to me that we've come to a point where it's 
all a matter of degree.  I  believe that, having already indirectly 
brought about the deaths of innocents, Dumbledore wouldn't balk 
at causing the death of a guilty man.  And there is historical 
precedent - although not a very specific one - I don't imagine that 
the French Resistance ever felt too bad about killing someone who 
wasn't an enemy when it was absolutely necessary, or for that 
matter, any underground resistance group.  You obviosly think that
 this murder would be going too far.  Frankly I think that weakens 
MAGIC DISHWASHER - you can't seem to decide just who your 
Dumbledore is."

Pip!Squeak is about to respond when out of the crowd comes 
Eileen, headed for Abigail.  "Oh hello, everybody, I just came to 
say hello and that you can sign me up for Assasin!Snape only under 
MAGIC DISHWASHER as well, and you've picked out all my problems 
with MAGIC DISHWASHER - I mean, what a wonderful time to launch 
the apocalypse, with Fudge as Minister for Magic! (1)"  Eileen 
pauses, surprised by the expression on Abigail's face.  "What?  What 
did I say?"

Abigail returns to her two companions.  "Hold the presses, girls. We 
haven't ironed all our issues out yet.  I have a new objection to MAGIC 
DISHWASHER, and this one is based in canon!"

"Do tell."  Drawls Pip!Squeak, not noticably terrified.

"This harkens right back to early PS - Harry's first meeting with 
Hagrid to be exact.  I don't have the exact canon in front of me, 
but I'm sure you can all remember the line - Dumbledore was 
offered the position of Minister of Magic and turned it down to stay 
at Hogwarts, so Fudge got it instead.  Now,"  Abigail continues, 
her eyes glittering, "If Dumbledore has indeed been planning for 
Voldemort's return since the end of VWI, why would he turn that 
position down?  He could have instituted the changes that he 
now has to beg a bungler like Fudge to carry out.  He could have 
removed the Dementors from Azkaban, given all the prisoners 
there a fair trial, not shoved Moody out of the Ministry like an old 
handbag, sent envoys to the giants.  He could have been actively 
preparing the Wizarding World for Voldemort's return for the past 
15 years, but instead he's been teaching.  Does that not suggest 
that his mind was not constantly bent on Voldemort and ways to 
defeat him?"

"You realize you are taking only Hagrid's word for this?"  Pip 
points out.  "Hagrid of 'all dark wizards came from Slyetheryn' 
fame.  Hardly the most reliable source."

"Hagrid is prone to exageration."  Abigail admits.  "But not lies.  
While it may be true that Fudge doesn't pelt Dumbledore with 
owls every day asking for advice, to say that Dumbledore was 
offered the Minister of Magic position when he clearly wasn't is 
an outright lie.  Not only is Hagrid not prone to them - he isn't 
very good at them.  No, I believe Hagrid about this.  Plus, there's 
the fact that Dumbledore found it believable that he was called 
to the MoM at the end of PS (and whether this was part of his 
plan to let HRH go for the Stone is beside the point - McGonagall 
didn't think it was out of the ordinary either."

"Why couldn't Dumbledore have stayed in Hogwarts in order to 
teach Harry?" Asks Melody.  "He would have wanted to personally 
train his new soldier."

"Dumbledore had ten years between Voldy's fall and Harry's arrival 
at school."  Answers Abigail.  "He could have taken the Minister job 
in the interim and gone back to Hogwarts when Harry came to school.  
I'm sure no-one would have dared to refuse him the position if he 
wanted it."

Abigail smiles and gets up.  "I think I've earned a drink with that one.  
I may even pay for it this time.  Another round, everyone?"

Abigail
Who would like to know why she only gets involved in interesting 
discussions on this group when she is swamped with work at school, 
and why she can't seem to write a post at any time other than 3 in 
the morning.

(1) Written in a private e-mail