FILK: One More Handshake

[marinafrants]

No: HPFGUIDX 44723

One More Handshake
To the tune of "One More Minute" by Weird Al Yankovic

Scene: Dumbledore has just made Snape and Sirius shake hands.  Snape 
and Sirius have something to say about it. Dumbledore sings "doo-
wops" in the background.

SNAPE (SIRIUS):
Well, I hear you're not guilty (guilty)
You're about to join the fight (I will fight)
You did not betray the Potters
Do you think that makes everything right? (Well
)

So I'll stand (you'll stand) here and shake (and shake) your hand 
tonight
Because Dumbledore told me to
And I won't try to strangle you with my bare hands
Or hex you until you turn blue

That's right (that's right), you ain't gonna hear me bitchin'
We'll both (we'll both) do whatever we have to do
But I'd rather spend eternity drinking bubotuber pus
Than to share one more handshake with you

SIRIUS (SNAPE)
Excuse me if I'm a bit bitter, (bitter)
And filled with resentment and gall (and gall)
Since fourteen years ago, when Dame Fortune reached out
And sucker-punched me in the balls.

In the Shrieking Shack you wouldn't listen
And then (and then) Moony's secret you blew
And I'd rather marry an Acromantula and honeymoon in Azkaban
Than to share one more handshake with you

SIRIUS and SNAPE (together, addressing Dumbledore)
I would rather cuddle with a Blast-Ended Skrewt
Than be forced to make nice to that git
I'd rather get a Bludger in the face – yah!
Let it hit me and hit me and hit me and hit


Oh, can't you see what we're trying to say, Albus?

(they face each other again)

SNAPE:
I'd rather be stepped on by a Giant
Be Crucio'd for a week or even two
I'd rather let Neville Longbottom brew my Sunday morning tea
Than to share one more handshake with you

SIRIUS:
Yes, I'd rather let Sybill Trelawney read my fortune,
And then have every word of it come true
I'd rather scrub all the bedpans in Pomfrey's infirmary with my hair
Than to share one more handshake with you

SIRIUS and SNAPE (together)
I'd rather be transfigured into a ferret by Mad-Eye Moody
And be bounced around the hallways till I die
Than to share one more handshake with you


Marina 
rusalka at ix.netcom.com