TBAY: Dudley's little tail

[Meg Demeranville]

No: HPFGUIDX 45660

            Far away from Theory Bay, Meg sat stuck in class, learning to tell artery from nerve, which interleukins do what and where the thymus originates. Her mind tended to wander back to the blissful waters of the bay, where no one ever asked what the sixth pharyngeal arch becomes. But oddly, even her classes were reflective of Theory Bay. Her class had been discussing development and the fact that people really can have tails. It reminded her of a conversation she overheard in the wind the last time she studying on Theory Bay. She heard Grey Wolf  and Melody talking and discussing her. Meg heard: 

"The important thing is that someone - maybe Meg, possibly Frankie - will come by to pick the fruits of my labour, and you have to know what's going on. I'm afraid that I'll probably not be able to stick around to give them directly. Anyway, according to TBAY law, every theory is entitled an acronym, even if it has no followers, so even if no-one wants it, I've created this".


"RATS BE DISEASES? (Removing A Tail Shouldn't Be Enough: Dudley Is Still Enpigged After Spell-Enduced Shapeshift). That doesn't make much sense, Grey"

"I know. But they are: Rats are known for transmitting loads of diseases (most of them, really, are transmitted by the rats' fleas, but never mind picky details). I thought, however, that Captain Meg would enjoy that not-so-subtle reference to her main occupation outside the Bay."

 

The overheard conversation kept Meg going through her second test block. But she knew that as soon as the test block ended, she would have to fetch the paper. She hadn't yet met Melody and wasn't sure what might become of her boat or her crew's theory if she waited too long. So as soon as her Histology test was completed, she grabbed the nearest portakey to Theory Bay.

 

Stepping lightly off her boat (for where else would her portakey take her?), Meg stopped to check her appearance. For having just completed a test block, she didn't look that shabby. The ever-present portable CD player, the untied tennis shoes and can of Diet Coke were completely normal in most circles. "Oh well", she muttered to herself, "it could be worse." Putting her headphones back on, she began to walk up the dock to the Safe House.

 

Having let herself in, Meg began to wander the halls of the Safe House. "I know she is here," Meg mumbled. Pushing on a door sticking from disuse, Meg found herself in a large empty room. "This will be perfect," Meg said to herself, clearly pleased with her find. Digging out her scalpel/wand, Meg began pointing at the walls and sang to herself, "Frederick, Georges, Isidore and Camille, make these walls as strong as steel." Suddenly the room was full of noise as the walls coated themselves with layers of cinderblocks and concrete. Conjuring a chair, Meg turned her music up and waited for the walls to finish.

 

Hearing strange noises in the Safe House, Melody decided to investigate. Entering the room where the noises were emanating from, she came across a most bizarre sight. A woman, singing with the music coming from her CD player, sat in a chair with a bulging book bag at her feet. Her hair was done in pigtails, with starched blue satin bows adorning each. Clearly wondering about this woman's mindset, Melody walked over and tapped the woman on the shoulder. "Excuse me, but who are you and just what do you think you are doing?"

 

Turning off her CD player, the woman slowly turned around. "Oh hi. You must be Melody. I'm Meg. Grey Wolf left something for me?" Meg said with a pronounced Southern accent.

 

"Yes he did, but wait a minute, I need to see some ID. I can't go handing out messages without proof of identification."

 

"Ok, let me see," Meg started digging in her backpack. "Will you take a copy card with my name on it?" Seeing Melody shake her head, Meg went back to digging. "What about a student ID? No, okay, hang on. Here it is." Triumphantly, Meg pulled out her passport. "Is this acceptable?"

 

"Yes," said Melody, scrutinizing the passport. Satisfied everything was in order Melody said "here," and dug in her pocket for a slip of paper bearing the words RATS BE DISEASES (Removing A Tail Shouldn't Be Enough: Dudley Is Still Enpigged After Spell-Enduced Shapeshift) and handed it to Meg, "but you still haven't explained what you are doing."

 

"Thanks. Well, I am building a room for this theory. And with Hurricane Jo coming, I figured I might reinforce the walls a bit to make them safer. Living on the coast, I am use to these things."

 

"But you can't build without canon, and why not build on your boat, why in the safe house?" Melody questioned.

 

"I am not building without canon. My canon is just atypical. Crewmate Frankie will be by later to add more canon. And I am not building on my boat because this theory does not tie into FIRSTMEMORY FRIEND. Besides, I thought the safe house was the place for highly controversial theories." Meg stopped then, clearly trying to think of her next statement.

 

"So explain your little theory then," Melody said with obvious contempt.

 

"Sure thing, just let me fetch Frankie." Meg dug into her backpack, searching for something. "Aha, there it is." Meg pulled out a cell phone and punched in a number. "Sorry, would have had her here if I had known you would have so many questions. Frankie, can you come up to the Safe House? I need your help. See you in a second. And try to dry off first. I don't think they would appreciate you dripping water all through the house. Bye." Meg hung up the phone and pushed it back into the overflowing backpack. "She will be here in just a moment. Have a seat." Meg quickly conjured a comfortable chair for Melody.

 

Melody settled into a chair and waited for Frankie. Meg glanced around the room and admired her work. "I guess my work is finished," said Meg. 

 

Suddenly, Frankie came skidding into the room. "Sorry Captain. I came as fast as I could."

 

"It's fine, I was just getting ready to explain your theory to Melody and figured that you would want to be around. What do you think of your new room in the Safe House?" Frankie whistled in appreciation. "Anyway, I need to get back to studying, medical school never lets off you know. So let me explain my canon input into the walls to Melody and then you can explain your canon to her while I head back to school. Okay? Good."

 

Turning to Melody, Meg cleared her throat and began. "It all began with an idea Frankie had." Pulling out a binder from her backpack, Meg opened it to a page covered in highlighter with notes scribbled liberally all over it. Pointing to a passage, Meg began, "here, she said:

>Dudley is still technically half transfigured.
>He has spent four of his formative years as a half-human and half-porcine being. Surgically removing his tail could not possibly have reversed Hagrid's failed transfiguration spell. I'm currently researching the growth rate and life span of hogs, and wonder if perhaps growing up in a magical state is affecting his "muggle" status. Could he possibly absorb magic and someday learn some of his own?"  Looking up, Meg made sure Melody was listening. She continued, "That got me thinking. What do I know about vestigial tails and sacrococcygeal teratomas? Could they have come up with a plausible story to explain his tail. What would I have said as a doctor? What are the implications of leaving the tissue? "

 

"Well, the answers are simple, really. During the embryonic period, humans possess a tail. It breaks down during development, of course, but sometimes it doesn't break down completely. Also, it is possible to have sacrococcygeal teratomas where the stem cells don't get the message to cut off and behave like adult cells. These develop into masses of varied tissue at the small of the back. While most of these are removed shortly after birth, it is possible that they were missed. So either way, it is possible that the Dursleys could have explained away Dudley's little appendage. It would have been a relatively simple procedure to remove it. And it would have been important to remove it. Either explanation that they used would have had the threat of malignant tissue being present. Any good doctor would have wanted to remove and biopsy the appendage long before that point. Had I seen it as a doctor, I would have wanted to remove it quickly and quietly, but would have gotten permission to write up the case in a journal or two, but I digress. But the traces of magic would have still been there. Whenever you remove tissue, you try to get good margins. That means that the edges are normal tissue. Well, since there is no evidence that magic leaves marks Muggles can detect, it is reasonable to assume that the surgeon did not get the established margins. Therefore, Frankie's idea has merit. And that's where I draw my canon. I told you it was atypical, but valid." Meg sat back in her chair, clearly exhausted from her day and conjured up another Diet Coke.

 

"Well, I will leave you with Frankie so she can explain her ideas more fully and decorate this room. It is okay that we have it right? I thought Grey Wolf said we could. But I need to get back up to school. All I can have are short vacations for a while. Any questions?"

 

Melody looked at her, clearly overwhelmed. "Nothing, I don't think I can think of anything at the moment," she said slowly. "Wait, I know, what is with the pigtails? Do they have to do with the theory or what?"

 

Gathering up her stuff, Meg looked up, her blue eyes shining. "Oh my hair? No, it's purely coincidental. I needed to have my hair out of my face this morning during my test and this was the best thing I could have managed. Besides, I think they are kind of cute. Don't you?" Meg glanced over at Frankie to see her nodding. "Good answer Frankie, flattery will get you everywhere. Now, I am off to study, why don't you explain the rest of your ideas to Melody and decorate the room in something appropriate. Sound good? Let me know if you need anything else. See you soon." With that, Meg slung her bag up onto her shoulders and walked over to the fireplace. "Meg's medical school," she shouted while tossing Floo powder into the grate. "Bye!" she said as she stepped into the fireplace and was whisked back to school.



-- Meg (who is thrilled that her second test block is finished and who really did wear pigtails with the described ribbons to her test and class today. They wonder about me too! :-) )



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