FILK: Wizard School Dropout

[David Paterson]

No: HPFGUIDX 54903

Well, Grease is a show (and movie) about teenagers at school; it 
seems only logical to move the setting from Rydell High to Hogwarts.

I began work on this filk; it was dramatically improved by Nicky, 
currently Down Under.



Wizard School Dropout
A filk to the tune of "Beauty School Dropout" from Grease

The Scene: the hut on the rock.  Harry has just met Hagrid, and 
Hagrid has apologetically admitted that he was expelled from Hogwarts.


A young man wearing a broad smile suddenly appears, and begins 
singing



(
 you should be able to figure out who the singer is
)


Your story sad to tell
A wizard ne'er do well
Most mixed-up monster breeder in third year
Your future's so unclear now
What's left of your career now
Your pets are horrid creatures that we fear

Wizard School Dropout
No Graduation Day for you
Wizard School Dropout
You're done with Charms and Potions too

You opened up the chamber and your pet killed Moaning Myrtle
This never would have happened if you'd got yourself a turtle

Hagrid you've blown it (Hagrid you've blown it)
Soon you'll be off to Azkaban
But we should have known it (we should have known it)
`Cause you're half giant and half man

If you didn't breed such monsters we would have no trouble here
Forget your stupid pets and drink a butterbeer

Wizard school dropout, you'll end up keeper of the keys,
Wizard school dropout, what a waste of tuition fees.
Well they couldn't help you pass your O.W.L.S.
You let down all your teachers,
But what else could happen when you play with dark and deadly 
creatures?

Hagrid, just shut it.
Don't bother making an excuse.
You'd never cut it;
Your magic wouldn't be much use

Now your wand is snapped,
The trial's wrapped,
You've done the worst you can;
Pack up your monster-box and head to Azkaban.

Hagrid it's over.
There's nothing Dumbledore can do.
No, and moreover
You've heard it straight from You-Know-Who

Now I've cast my spell
So what the hell
You've heard enough from me
Gotta be goin' to enchant a diary

(Somehow, Harry forgets the whole thing, which ends up causing untold 
grief and hardship a year later, once the Chamber of Secrets is 
opened)


David