No More Days (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 79304

No More Days (OOP, Chap. 36 – sort of )

To the tune of Nowadays from Chicago (a hybrid of the stage and film 
version)

Dedicated to Kirstini (good luck on your thesis!)

THE SCENE: The Ministry of Magic. LORD VOLDEMORT has taken full 
possession of HARRY and challenges Dumbledore to kill them. 

Complete blackout. Then a single spotlight on the animated statue of 
the house-elf from the Atrium as it performs the Sonorum spell on 
itself:

HOUSE-ELF STATUE (spoken):
Ladies and Gentlemen, we are proud to announce a first. The first 
time, anywhere, there has been an act of this nature. You've read 
about them in The Daily Prophet and now here they are, for the first 
time in Canon inhabiting a single body - those dueling Doppelgangers, 
those oppositional orphans: Harry James "The Boy Who Lived" Potter 
and Lord "Don't Call Me Tom" Voldemort!

(Spotlight pivots to reveal HARRY dressed in Death Eater robes. 
Addressing Dumbledore, he sings in the cold high voice of LORD 
VOLDEMORT.)

HARRY
He's good, isn't he?
Grand, isn't he?
Great, isn't he?
Gross, isn't he?
Dead, won't he be?
No more days.

There's fear everywhere
Angst everywhere
Rage everywhere
Death everywhere
Hate everywhere
No more days

You can slay the soul I'm seizing
You can win the wizard war
If you merely murder Harry
To vanquish Voldemort
And you
.

Must, musn't you?
Will, wouldn't you?
Won't , musn't do?
Can't , couldn't you?
Fun, isn't you...

(HARRY, seizing control of his inner mike, in his own voice pleads 
Dumbledore to let him die)

I can be a boy unliving
You can end this pain attack
I can lose my life as Harry
And be once more with Black
For he's


Bold, wasn't he?
Brave, wasn't he?
Just, wasn't he?
True, wasn't he?
Loved, wasn't he?
But nothing



(With a great WHOOOSH!, the spirit of VOLDEMORT abruptly departs from 
HARRY.  A couple of moments later, the flesh-and-blood (?) Dark Lord 
Apparates upon on the scene, holding his hands over his ears)

VOLDEMORT (spoken, to HARRY)
All right, all right! I give! I give! Knock it off with the singing, 
already ! Sheesh, I despise these cheap sentimental songs! 

HARRY & VOLDEMORT (music)
In just two years or so
One of us dies, you know
I'll be survivin'
Your last phase
.

HOUSE-ELF STATUE (spoken)
Okay, you rival Wizards, let's pick up the pace! Let's snake the You-
Know-Whose away! Let's make the narratives longer, the conspiracies 
more complicated, let's make the FEATHERBOAS more flamboyant. Let's 
all go to hell on a fast thestral and KEEP IT DARK!

(The spotlight pivots to reveal HARRY & VOLDEMORT in full formal 
attire)

HARRY & VOLDEMORT (eyeball to eyeball, music)
And we  
Brawl, doesn't we?
Clash, doesn't we?
Fight, doesn't we?
Spar, doesn't we?
Duel, doesn't we?
The world's ablaze
..

In just two years or so
One of us dies, you know
I'll be survivin'
Your last phase
.

(THE DARK LORD and HARRY tapdance their way through MOM's Atrium 
in "The Poison Honey Rag" before an ever-increasing crowd, including, 
finally, Cornelius Fudge.)

VOLDEMORT (spoken): You know something, Potter, I hate you! 
HARRY (spoken): Well, this is one narrative format in which that's no 
problem at all.

(HARRY & VOLDEMORT fires their wands at MOM's peacock-blue ceiling to 
spell out the words THE SECOND WAR BEGINS. The entire crowd is 
covered in falling FEATHERBOAS )

HARRY & VOLDEMORT
Oh, if there be strife,
Then I will take your life
`Gainst/through Ke-da-vrazz!!

(VOLDEMORT vanishes, as HARRY is mobbed by Hogwarts and MOM 
associates)

   -	CMC

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