TBAY: SUNLIGHT in the Garden

[bluesqueak <pipdowns@etchells0.demon.co.uk>]

No: HPFGUIDX 52539



Pip, Grey Wolf and Melody stared at the packet of SUNLIGHT ULTRA 
that Risti and Shauna had thrust into Pip's hand.

`SUNLIGHT ULTRA' read Pip, from the packet `absolutely and totally 
guaranteed not to blow up any DISHWASHER's. Comes in several 
exciting varieties!'

`Huh,' sniffed Melody. `You girls think we all would of put *that* 
in the DISHWASHER?'

`Let me get this straight,' said Pip. `This,' as she shook the 
powder `is a theory that Snape and Lupin are working together in the 
Shrieking Shack?'

Shauna nodded eagerly. `Yes. The essence of SUNLIGHT ULTRA is that 
Snape and Lupin are working together. We disagree on other things; 
did Dumbledore know about Pettigrew, was Snape knocked out. But as 
long as Snape and Lupin are in cahoots, SUNLIGHT ULTRA holds.'

`Hmm
' said Pip. Grey and Melody waited expectantly for the usual 
detailed explanation of why the new theory didn't work.

`Hmmm
.', said Pip again. `You know, if Snape and Lupin are working 
together, then most of the problems against SoloAgent!Lupin don't 
apply.

Grey and Melody stared at her in puzzlement. `Don't worry, Grey,' 
whispered Melody, `there will be a big `But
' soon.'

`Hmmmm
 ` said Pip, again. `Yes. I like it. It could work.'

There was a pause, which rapidly lengthened in an embarrassing 
manner. Finally Pip became aware that no one was speaking, and 
looked round at Grey Wolf and Melody. They both had their mouths 
open.

`Did I say something wrong?' she asked.

Melody and Grey still stood there silently. They appeared to be in 
shock.

`Errr,' said Pip. `Ah, why don't we take the DISHWASHER and this 
packet of detergent outside? I'm sure Sneaky doesn't want us doing 
repairs all over her nice clean floor.'

Shauna gingerly took the packet from Pip and headed for the garden. 
Risti followed her. Grey glared briefly at Pip, picked up the 
DISHWASHER by one hand, and carried it outside. Melody gave Pip a 
hard stare. There seemed to be a sword flickering in and out of 
sight behind her back. Then she too left for the garden.

`What did I say?' said Pip rather blankly, as she headed outside.

Away from the barbeque site, Grey had removed the back of the 
DISHWASHER and was fiddling about inside.

`Pip, have you seen how blocked it is?' he snarled. `And you want to 
put *more* strange detergents inside it?'

`But there is evidence for Lupin as an agent', said Risti 
earnestly. `Do you really think it was coincidence that Lupin was in 
the same compartment as the trio, when we've never even seen a 
teacher on the train?"

`I know that this is the Safe House,' said Melody, `And we see 
coincidences as bad. But the Trio went into Lupin's compartment, not 
the other way round. [PoA p.59, Ch.5 UK hardback]. Arthur Weasley 
would also have had to be in the plot; it was he who delayed Harry 
until the last minute. This meant the Trio got stuck with the 
compartment with the teacher in it.'

`But Shauna and Risti have things in common with us, don't they?' 
said Pip. `For example, they don't believe good people in the 
Potterverse invariably tell the truth. Or did I mishear you, Shauna?'

`Oh, no,' said Shauna, `See, I don't have any problem with people 
lying, because they're seen to do it in the text..'

`I gave an example of Lupin lying in the original SU message,' said 
Risti.

`The question is,' said Shauna, `really what they're lying about. 
Lying about Wolfsbane potion or who manufactured a map is one thing. 
Faking emotions is rather more difficult.'

`Which is an argument *for* Agent!Snape,' said Pip.

`Yes, since he was a spy on Voldemort,' said Shauna. `Talented 
actor, he is.'

`But where is the canon of Lupin being an actor?' asked 
Melody. `There is nothing. Not even a suggestion that he was in 
Drama Club at school.'

`There is no previous evidence of Crouch/Moody being an actor, but 
he is, in canon, another talented actor,' pointed out Shauna.

`OK, so Hogwarts should be renamed `School for Wizardry and the 
Dramatic Arts'', said Pip. `Harry is probably missing all the acting 
classes because of his Quidditch practice.'

`But this theory is not like DISHWASHER,' rumbled Grey Wolf 
suddenly, `could you pass me that spanner, Mel? Thanks. It is not 
like DISHWASHER because you think that Dumbledore didn't know about 
Pettigrew the rat.'

`He *didn't* know,' said Risti.
`Yes, he *did*,' said Shauna.

`Uh,' said Pip, `this is part of the `several exciting varieties,' 
right? Shauna thinks the information could have got out via Azkaban!
Hagrid, Risti thinks Hagrid couldn't possibly have known anything 
about Pettigrew.'

`Right,' said Risti eagerly. `You see, if you read PoA Ch. 10, pp. 
151-156 (UK hardback), Hagrid reacts quite naturally to the idea of 
Black being the traitor and Pettigrew being dead. And by this time 
he's probably had a few meads. Canonically he's *worse* at keeping 
secrets when he's drinking, not better.'

`True,' said Pip thoughtfully, `but if he *had* heard anything, 
would he have understood what he'd heard?'

`I don't understand,' said Risti.

`Well, what does Voldemort call Pettigrew? In GoF? Wormtongue, 
right?'

`That is wrong, Pip,' rumbled a voice from beneath the 
DISHWASHER `Mel, I need a five-eights Gripley.'

`Wormtail,' said Pip hurriedly. 'Wormtail, sorry, wrong book there, 
mixing up my evil dark lords a bit, *Voldemort* calls his evil but 
rather pathetic sidekick Worm*tail*. So what name were the DE's 
likely to be screaming in their sleep? The name Voldemort keeps 
calling him, maybe?'

`Would Hagrid of known the Marauder's nicknames?' said Melody 
suddenly. `They only thought of them after they became Animagi. That 
would of been in the fifth year?'

`Yes, but there's no evidence that Hagrid heard any names at all. 
Nickname or not! When he talks about being in Azkaban, in PoA Ch. 11 
p.163, UK hardback and don't ask me how I happen to have a copy of 
*that* in my hand, he doesn't mention hearing anything, screams or 
otherwise!' said Risti with some heat.

`Hmm
' said Pip. `Way back when in 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/39662  I quoted 
some canon  "The guards told Fudge that Black's been talking in his 
sleep for a while now." (Arthur Weasley, PoA, p. 54)

[Sirius Black] "I heard things in Azkaban, Peter.... they all think 
you're dead, or you'd have to answer to them... I've heard them 
screaming all sorts of things in their sleep. Sounds like they think 
the double-crosser double crossed them." PoA p. 271

<Snip>

In other words, Azkaban is not completely isolated;  information 
about Peter has two or three possible routes out
' 

`Suppose you decide that Hagrid heard nothing whatsoever in Azkaban. 
Instead of not saying that he heard anything because he's been told 
not to talk, he's not saying he heard anything because he *didn't* 
hear anything. There are still other routes for information to get 
out.  Arthur Weasley, for example, canonically knows about things 
that have been said in Azkaban. So does Fudge. Who else?'

`It is carefully established,' said Melody. `We are reminded that 
Hagrid has been in Azkaban. We are told on two different occasions 
that people outside Azkaban know what the prisoners scream in their 
sleep. Once by Black, once by Arthur Weasley.'

`It's almost as if the author is giving us a clue,' said Shauna 
happily.

The MDDT stiffened. Grey Wolf brought his head up sharply, and 
banged it against the corner of the DISHWASHER. Coney lifted her 
head from nibbling the grass and from the Safe House itself, there 
came a sound very much like Sneaky gulping.

`Ouch! Did you say – author?'

`Yes,' said Shauna. `Sorry, what's wrong with that?'

`Nothing, nothing,' said Pip hurriedly. `So, let's see if the – 
author – shows anyone outside the Marauders knowing their nicknames 
for each other.

Snape gets insulted by the map in PoA, Ch. 14 pp.211-212 UK 
hardback. The map mentions the Marauder's nicknames. Snape's 
reaction is to call Lupin. His rather pointed question to Lupin 
is `You don't think it more likely that he got it *directly from the 
manufacturers?*'

So Snape reacts to the nicknames. There's no canon to show whether 
he knew which nickname belonged to which Marauder. But there is 
canon to show that at least one person outside the Marauders 
themselves reacts to the names `Mooney, Wormtail, Padfoot and 
Prongs' by immediately calling the one available Marauder.'

She paused for breath.

`So, the line of argument is: information about what the prisoners 
say in Azkaban is shown to leave Azkaban (canon). Information about 
Pettigrew (possibly using the nickname which both Voldemort and the 
Marauders call him by) has been screamed out by the prisoners in 
Azkaban (canon). One person outside the Marauders reads their 
nicknames on the Map, and his next action is to demand that a 
Marauder come to his office (also canon).'

`I agree with you anyway, on this one,' said Shauna. `Whether the 
route out was Hagrid or not, or whether Dumbledore knew about 
Pettigrew or not, is not really essential to SUNLIGHT ULTRA.'

`What's essential is that Snape on his own really doesn't work,' 
said Risti. `For example: the steaming goblet. Snape clearly says 
that he was bringing Lupin his potion-in a goblet-when he saw the 
map. So Secret Agent Snape left the potion back in Lupin's office. 
Brilliant plan!"

`I never really considered that,' said Pip frankly.

`How would he of carried it?' said Melody incredulously. `The route 
to the Shrieking Shack is out of the castle, across the grounds, 
dodge the Whomping Willow and poke the knothole, then go along of a 
long tunnel where, in PoA Ch.20, p.278 in the UK hardback, even the 
short Harry hits his head on the roof. How does he carry a goblet 
safely through all that?'

`Very carefully?' rumbled the Wolf from under the DISHWASHER.

Pip frowned. `So you two are saying that Snape didn't take the 
potion with him because he realistically couldn't. That the best he 
could do was make sure Lupin was restrained as fast as possible.' 

`Which he does do, canonically,' rumbled Grey. ` If you look at how 
little dialogue there actually is, then Lupin is tied up less than a 
minute after Snape reveals himself in Ch.19 of PoA. Mel, could you 
pass me that wire brush, please?'

`There is another point about the potion,' said Risti. `How can 
Snape count on Lupin forgetting to take the potion, which is vital 
both for Snape's having a reason to enter the Shack, and to 
Pettigrew's escape?'

Melody shrugged. `If Snape was waiting for something to happen to 
Harry, and believed Lupin was aiding Black, would he not of been 
watching Lupin *anyway*? If Lupin had remembered his potion what 
would Snape's story of been? Probably 'I looked out tonight and saw 
you heading towards the Whomping Willow. Then I remembered who 
*else* knew all about that old rendezvous

And then go straight into the dialogue as written: 'I've told the 
Headmaster again and again....' `

`Snape has good reason to remember the Shrieking Shack and the 
Whomping Willow,' said a muffled voice from beneath the 
DISHWASHER. `And in Ch. 9 p.124 he says `It seems – almost 
impossible – that Black could have entered the school without inside 
help. I did express my concerns when you appointed –`. If Lupin is 
*not* an agent, and Snape is *not* acting here, the canon suggests 
that he might wish to keep a close eye on Lupin. Why can I only find 
the UK hardback edition of PoA, by the way? You know I prefer the 
Spanish edition.'

`But if Snape and Lupin are both agents,' said Risti 
patiently, `then Lupin might have taken his potion after all. That's 
why Snape didn't bring the potion with him. He's lying when he said 
Lupin didn't take it. He has a reason to come after Lupin as well, 
he's back up. He's just using the lie about *not* taking the potion 
as an excuse to explain why he's in the Shack.'

`It seems to me that right now there are good arguments on *both* 
sides,' said Pip, in slight bewilderment.

`And if Snape is faking unconsciousness
' said Risti

`What!' said Pip.

`Don't worry, he isn't,' said Shauna.

`Yes he is,' said Risti. `I personally think that Snape was faking 
it, and that him faking it was a part of the plan. Snape came in, 
let out the information that Lupin apparently hadn't taken his 
potion that night, and then riled up the Trio so that they would try 
and do something to stop them. As I pointed out, Lupin had just used 
Expelliarmus when he burst into the room. This would have put it 
clear in the Trio's mind. Snape and Lupin counted on the fact that a)
this would be the spell clearest in their minds, and b)they wouldn't 
*really* want to curse a teacher of theirs, and expelliarmus after 
all is a spell to disarm, not harm.

That particular reason is exactly why I think Snape was faking it. I 
think that the spell really did cause him to get knocked against the 
wall-that is canon supported. However, nowhere in canon do we see 
Expelliarmus actually harm someone, because that's not the type of 
spell that it is. Take their wand or other item away from them? 
Yes. Knock them against a wall? Yes. Knock them unconscious? No. I 
think that Snape or Lupin then put a sort of limpness spell on 
himself that would keep him from reflex jumps, but was something he 
could remove by his own will. Yes, I know that's a lot of 
speculation, but to me, there's a lot of canon that contradicts the 
idea that that spell could knock someone out.'

`Uh, but he doesn't get knocked out by the *spell*,' said Pip. `He 
gets knocked out by the *wall*. I know it's a fine distinction, but 
what canon actually says about the injury in Ch. 19 p. 265 of the UK 
hardback is that `a trickle of blood [was] oozing from under his 
hair'. Snape's hit that wall hard enough that he's bleeding. How 
does he fake that?'

`There's another point,' said a voice from midair.

`Who's that!' said Shauna.

`It is just a disembodied voice,' said Melody. `You have a lot of 
them in TBAY.'

`It's Melissa,' said the disembodied voice. `Just popping in to make 
one little point. No where else in canon do we see one person 
getting hit by 3 Expelliarmus spells at once. So we really have no 
way of knowing what 1 huge combined Expelliarmus can do. We do know 
from GoF what 5 different spells coverging on 3 people will do, so I 
really don't find it to difficult  to believe that a combined 
Expelliarmus could render someone unconscious.'

`Oh,' said Risti.

`But there is some canon in support of your idea that Lupin is an 
agent who *thinks* Snape's faking unconsciousness,' said Pip

`What's that?' said Risti, with some interest.

`Lupin doesn't bother to check Snape for some time. Maybe Lupin 
doesn't check Snape because he thinks he's faking the knock out and 
doesn't *want/need* to check. Until Hermione asks how Snape is, at 
the end of Chapter 19.'

Melody sniffed. `Pip, you are acting kind of strange. You are sure 
that you *are* Pip, aren't you? We have had three Elkins, recently, 
so perhaps you are *not* Pip?'

`You certainly don't seem to be helping much in this DISHWASHER 
repair,' said a muffled voice. `If you could find a filter it would 
be very helpful.'

`Grey is right,' said Melody. `You don't seem to be helping at 
all.'  She advanced on Pip, who retreated slightly. The invisible 
sword that Melody always carried seemed to be getting rather visible.

`What,' she said, as the sword became ever more distinct, `what was 
Lupin planning to do Badguy!Black?'

`Badguy!Black?' said Pip, Risti and Shauna in a perfect chorus.

`You,' said Melody, pointing at Risti, 'think that Dumbledore knew 
nothing about Pettigrew but thought Black was the bad guy. So if 
Lupin was thinking he was going to hold Black at wandpoint and have 
Harry save *that* life, then it would be *only* Lupin doing it.  
There would be no Peter in the plan, or did I miss something?'

`Uh, right,' said Risti. `Peter was a surprise.'

`Right,' said Melody. ` Let us go through this point by point.

If you say only Black with no Peter element, then Lupin would have 
to truly desire to kill Black to get the life debt to work.  Agent!
Lupin would be the lone person there pointing to wand to kill.  He 
would have to both truly want to kill Black, and yet truly want 
Harry to save Black. Not possible. A thing cannot be both itself and 
not itself at the same time.

If you say only Black with Peter being the good guy, then you have 
Lupin and Peter holding Black at wandpoint and Peter will be the one 
wanting to kill.  Ehhh, possible.

If you say only Peter with Black being the good guy, that happened.  
So yeah.

And if you say only Peter  with no Black element, that cannot happen 
at all, because you need Black to explain why Peter is guilty.  Not 
possible.

So the only two possibilities that work have Peter and Black in the 
same room. Then the plan must of been to have Black and Peter in the 
same room together, but that means that they had to know Scabbers 
was Peter.  

And if they knew Scabbers was Peter, then Black was never the DE of 
the life debt.  Lupin did not waste anytime once he was in the room 
to determine Black's innocence.  Just worked on the evidence that 
Peter was there.  No more.  If they knew that before, then that plan 
*was* to get Peter in life debt to Harry.'

`So if Dumbledore *doesn't* know that Pettigrew was Scabbers, the 
life debt can't be planned,' said Shauna. `So it's my version of 
SUNLIGHT ULTRA that works!'

`Uh,' said Melody. `That is not what I was trying to prove.'

`Oops.' said Pip, quietly.

Melody's fingers twitched. The sword shifted slightly in its 
scabbard, as if eager to leap into her hand.

`I do,' said Pip thoughtfully, keeping an eye on the sword, `have 
one area which I would like clarified. Lupin tries to kill 
Pettigrew. I think an agent would have delayed that. Look how Snape 
allows himself a get out by not tying up Black. Even if Harry had 
not decided to attack Snape before they left the Shack, there was 
still the entire tunnel to go. Snape had lots of time to keep giving 
Harry metaphorical kicks up the bum until Harry decided to actually 
*do* something.

Lupin, on the other hand, risks Harry's life quite directly. If 
Harry had mistimed his leap in front of Pettigrew, Harry would have 
been toast.'

`Yes,' said Shauna brightly, `but you know JKR would never allow 
that. Harry isn't going to die until Book 7. If then.'

There was a long, threatening growl from below the DISHWASHER. 
Shauna looked nervously in its direction.

`Did I say that?' she said nervously. `I never said that. It's the 
TBAY atmosphere. I feel almost like someone's putting words into my 
mouth. Uh, it's a nice bunny rabbit you have, isn't it?'

Grey Wolf emerged briefly from the depths of the kitchen 
appliance. `My problem with your theory,' he said, `is that Lupin 
takes the control of the situation *away* from Harry, thus 
preventing him from active action. It's Snape and his seemingly 
irritable manner that pushes Harry into action - and only once Harry 
is forced to act (which Snape manages by purposely and unnecessarily 
insulting all the people Harry loves) is Harry actually in a 
situation where he will be the one establishing life debts.'

He glared at Shauna, and then stuck his head back inside the 
machinery. `Melody, could you pass me a large bowl, please?'

`Continuing on the `endangering Harry' theme,' said Pip, who was now 
going cross-eyed trying to keep *both* Melody and Grey Wolf in 
view, `Snape doesn't put Harry in any danger by his actions. He's 
got his wand out, trained on Black. He may possibly be keeping an 
eye on Pettigrew as well. Lupin, who is (non!Agent version) 
dangerous, is safely tied up.'

`No, Snape endangers Harry,' said Risti `He fakes unconsciousness 
while Lupin transforms, and when the Dementors arrive.`

`But I argued that he *was* unconscious,' said Pip. 'That explains 
why he didn't do anything about the Dementors. He was just regaining 
consciousness; probably able to hear things but not yet capable of 
moving or casting spells.'

`I think Snape was aware to a certain degree, in that he wasn't 
unconscious, but I believe that the Dementors had a strong hold over 
him, and so he wasn't totally aware,' said Risti. `He must have many 
unpleasant memories for the Dementors to latch onto.'

`Well, if you accept that he actually was knocked out, he could have 
woken up at practically any time afterwards,' said Shauna.

`No, if he was knocked out, he would not be able to *choose* when to 
wake up,' said Grey Wolf. `You do not choose when to wake up in 
concussion.'

`Well, *whichever* version you pick, Snape does not deliberately 
endanger Harry,' said Pip, with some exasperation. `Lupin, on the 
other hand, is pointing his wand directly at Pettigrew, so Harry has 
to leap in front of Pettigrew to stop him. It's not very well 
planned.'

`Yes, but isn't that a point of MAGIC DISHWASHER?' said 
Shauna. `That Snape doesn't have an exact, detailed plan?'.

`Yes, that's what I said originally in 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/39662 ,' said 
Pip. She closed her eyes, then recited from memory: `I doubt very 
much that Dumbledore and Snape had a plan along the lines of 'at  
Black's attack select option 1, unless the Shrieking Shack happens, 
in which case go for option 2...' 

More likely there were several off-stage discussions along the lines 
of 'what use could we make of Pettigrew?'; 'Is Black really after 
Harry, or was it no accident he went for Ron's bed?'; 'Harry's life 
is extremely important; If you're right about both Lupin and Black 
being servants of Voldemort, what would be the best help we could 
give Harry? Do you think you could outfight them both if necessary?'

So when Snape rushes off towards the Shrieking Shack, he doesn't 
have an exact, detailed plan; but he does have a very good idea of 
exactly what he needs to achieve, what he needs to hide, and what he 
needs to let Harry do alone.' 

She gazed into space. `No, Snape doesn't have anything beyond a 
general set of aims. He's aiming to get Harry to take control. He 
does this by a) getting Harry mad enough to attack him and b) 
getting himself in a situation where he doesn't have to do anything 
unless the situation looks like it's out of control.`

Pip paused. `Actually, the two climaxes previous to this (the Stone 
and the Basilisk) also both relied very heavily on Harry. Help was 
sent (Dumbledore, Fawkes and the Hat); but Harry had to do most of 
the work. So yes, Snape would be spending a lot of time doing err
 
nothing much.`

`Yes,` said Melody coldly. `Because the problem with Snape is the 
same as the problem of Dumbledore. Dumbledore *has* to stay out of 
the way with the Stone. He can easily defeat Quirrelmort. The only 
thing Harry would of had to do, if Dumbledore had arrived earlier, 
would have been to yell `It's Quirrel', then hide behind his 
Headmaster.

It is the same problem with Snape. Snape could defeat Lupin and 
(wandless) Black with one hand tied behind his back. In fact, Snape 
*does* control Lupin's bonds with one hand; his left (non-wand) hand 
in PoA pp264 –265, Ch.19. The other is busy keeping Black covered.

This means that if Harry is to have any control over the situation 
at all, Snape has to be out of the way. But it also has to be 
obvious later that he knew nothing of Pettigrew hiding out as a rat. 
Pretending to be unconscious is really a good solution.'

`But,' said Grey Wolf from inside the DISHWASHER, `no battle plan 
survives contact with the enemy. Snape hits the wall too hard. He 
did not think all three children would attack him. Instead of 
pretending to be unconscious, he *is* unconscious. But there is no 
mistake in the *idea*. That Snape's improvised plan doesn't work is 
an accident.

But the plan you give *Lupin* is not a good idea. I've yet to see a 
real explanation for how Lupin was planning to simulate being a 
raving werewolf.' 

There was a sudden clanking sound and a yelp from Grey. Then he 
leaned even further inside the DISHWASHER. `What is *this* doing 
inside here?' he said.

He pulled out what looked like an overlarge black spoon. `No wonder 
the outflow was blocked,' he muttered, and tossed it to one side.

`Yes,' said Shauna, `but if Lupin and Snape are working together, 
Lupin taking the potion and Snape faking that Lupin hasn't taken it 
is  far safer possibility, especially considering that with both of 
them agents, there's no risk to doing it.'

Grey Wolf sighed. `Let me run this slowly: Snape has to simulate a 
knock-out. Since emotions are tied to magic, Harry's spell might 
have been potent enough to allow Snape to simulate knock-out. 
Failing that, he could have continued to insult Harry (although, 
once Snape is disarmed, the main purpose has already been managed - 
Harry is in control). 

On the other hand, Lupin's plan to allow the traitor to escape is to 
take the potion and make seem he hasn't (speaking of which, that 
*needs* the collaboration of Snape - he wouldn't loose count of that 
sort of thing). 

Let's assume that the traitor *had* been Black - which he might have 
been. Then Black would've used the distraction to escape - so far so 
good. Unfortunately, that means that there is nothing big enough to 
stop the suposedly mad werewolf. And a mad werewolf would 
*certainly* attack the humans around him - that's Ron, btw. None of 
them is fast enough to run away, and certainly not Ron. 

Lupin's acting wouldn't have been very convincing at that point, 
would it? After all, a distraction needs, for example, the children 
running in fear, but if a real mad werewolf had persecuted them it 
would've certainly catched up with at least Ron and possibly all the 
others. As I say, I've yet to hear how could Lupin simulate this 
without giving away that he wasn't acting.

It's no use saying MD already argues that Snape was acting. Snape 
only needs simulate a KO. Lupin needs simulate a killing machine. 
First one endangers no-one, second one endangers everyone.'

`And,' said Melody, whose fingers were now twitching 
uncontrollably,  `And if Snape had been conscious and faking 
concussion (as the plan was) there would of been no *need* for Lupin 
to fake werewolfhood. Snape could of provided a much safer 
diversion.'

`Hmm
 ` said Pip. `On the side of S.U., transforming into a werewolf 
is one heck of a distraction. An entire coven of DE's could probably 
escape during that.'

`You are missing the important point,' hissed Melody. The sword 
seemed to leap out of its scabbard and straight into her 
hand. `There is one big problem with Lupin as agent. One big problem 
with a good Lupin still having his human mind.'

She started to swing the sword about her.

`Harry nearly dies!' She hissed. `Lupin's great friend, Sirius 
Black, nearly dies! His co-agent Snape is unconscious and helpless!'

The sword seemed by now to be almost moving by itself. It was 
describing great arcs around Melody's head.

`And what does Lupin do?' screamed Melody. `Lupin with his expertise 
in Defense against the Dark Arts? Lupin with his proven experience 
of banishing Dementors?'

The sword's circle was becoming faster and faster, and it was 
beginning to look as if Melody was herself being turned round and 
round in circles.

`LUPIN DOES NOTHING!' Melody screamed from the middle of a whirlwind 
of gleaming sword. `HE DOES NOTHING TO SAVE ANYONE! HE LETS THE 
DEMENTORS GRAB HARRY AND PREPARE TO SOUL SUCK HIM!'

`HE DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EXCEPT STAND BY AND WATCH PEOPLE DIE!'

Pip, Risti and Shauna were watching in horror. Grey, meanwhile, had 
prudently retreated behind the sword-proof metal of the DISHWASHER. 
Melody appeared to be completely unable to stop; at least, she 
seemed unable to stop without the sword and her flesh having a brief 
and somewhat cutting discussion.

`Risti, Shauna, on the ground!' said Pip firmly.

`What?' said Shauna'

`DUCK! Now!' said Pip. All three girls hit the ground.

`MELODY!' yelled Pip, `LET GO OF THE SWORD!'

Grey Wolf's voice was heard from behind the DISHWASHER. `She's 
right, Mel. Just let it go. One, two, three
'

There was a tearing sound as the sword shot through the air, and the 
air tried hurriedly to get out of the way. Melody, released from the 
centripetal forces provided by the weight of the sword, twirled 
round a few more times and then fell over on to the grass. Then 
there came a smashing sound, as the sword managed to find something 
to hit that *wasn't* air.

`It's quite all right, Melody,' said Pip, in a rather distant 
voice. `I never liked that statue anyway.'


`Which one was it?' said Melody, rather muffled. Her face was still 
pressed into the grass.

`It seems to be one of `Lupin, symbol of saintly suffering'. I've 
argued against that statue before. See 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/39146 and thread 
following.'

`But continuing about the Dementors
' said Risti. `Shauna and I both 
agree that Lupin has trained Harry for just this moment. He knows 
that Harry knows how to fight a dementor, and he knows that at this 
point, there are probably *two* Harry's running around, one of whom 
is probably there to fix up the messes that were left behind. Snape 
does step in as soon as he is able, and brings the trio safely back 
to Dumbledore."

`But,` rumbled the Wolf, `both Snape and Lupin actually do have 
perfectly good non-agent reasons for teaching Harry about Dementors 
and werewolves. The werewolf lesson is taught after Snape has found 
Harry alone with Lupin in Lupin's office at the time of a full moon 
[Lupin is taking his potion, so its around full moon time PoA Ch. 8, 
p.117-118]. Lupin has seen the effects that Dementors have on Harry, 
and Harry (quite rare for him) actually asks him for help [PoA 
p.141, Ch.10].

`On the other hand, there *shouldn't* have been dementors there that 
night, and Lupin and Snape could have simply expected that Sirius, 
seeing his proof gone, would escape, and HRH would return to 
Hogwarts depressed but perfectly safe,' said Shauna. 

`And I think Dumbledore senses that they might complicate his plans, 
given his extremely angry reactions to them. But as you said, he 
could not have planned for them to be part of the plan. (Well, I 
suppose someone could have tipped the dementors off to where they 
were, but there's no reason to suppose that someone did.) But if 
Lupin has seen the two Harry's and two Hermione's, then he knows 
that they are probably there to fix things. So he has a reason for 
*not* stepping in.'

`Not good enough' said Melody. `And even if Agent!Lupin thinks he 
has a good reason for not stepping in, in your version, Agent!Snape 
seems to think so badly of him that he forces his resignation the 
next day.'

`That could work, you know,' said Pip, still with a faintly distant 
tone of voice. `if you assume that Lupin was only ever on a short 
term one year assignment. So Snape getting him fired was actually 
planned.'

Grey Wolf finally put the cover back on the DISHWASHER. It made a 
loud and firm sort of 'clang'.

`Pip,' he said, `I don't know what's got into you. Of the three 
surviving Marauders, Lupin is as much of a suspect as Peter or 
Sirius. 

Sirius suspected him; thus, there must have been reasons for it - it 
cannot be only the "werewolf complaint". Sirius has spent seven (or 
more) years in his company. He became animagus to be with him. After 
this time, if he is suspicious of treachery, it has to be for 
something more than "he is a werewolf; werewolves are traiterous 
creatures". 

If Lupin was suspect, and the talk in Azkaban didn't give away the 
fact that it was Peter specifically (i.e. "the traitorous bastard 
got away - if he's ever caught and sent in here..." can mean either 
Lupin or Peter), why would Dumbledore use Lupin as agent? 

At least he'd have to reveal part of the potion plan, which 
Dumbledore desperately needs to keep secret to anyone who is not 
absolutely trustable.'

He hit the DISHWASHER thoughtfully, and a humming sound announced 
that it was back in operation.

`Bottom line is: Lupin is a spare wheel. All he does could've been 
achieved by Snape. MD needs agent Lupin as fish needs bikes.'

He paused. `And of course, I love Lupin very much - he's a terrific 
teacher, and seems a very decent human being, but he's a pathetic 
agent.'

`SUNLIGHT ULTRA does not replace the DISHWASHER, Pip,' said Melody, 
who had now managed to stagger up from the grass.'

`It doesn't *replace* it, no,' said Pip. `But it's a detergent. We 
might be able to put it in now and then and see how things clean up.'

`Let's try it,' said Shauna brightly.

`Why not!' added Risti.

`Why not?' said Grey Wolf `When I have just got this repaired?'

`You may have repaired it; I built it,' said Pip firmly. She took 
the packet of detergent from Shauna, opened it, poured it into the 
DISHWASHER and turned a knob.

There was a pause.

`It looks rather 
 foamy,' said Melody.

`Frothy,' said the Wolf. `I don't think this is the best kind of 
detergent for our DISHWASHER.'

`But nothing is exploding,' said Pip.
`Nooo,' said both Melody and Grey Wolf rather doubtfully.

`So if we put it on the shelf above the DISHWASHER, it can be used 
now and then.'

`It is not part of the machinery,' said the Wolf, firmly. `I should 
know that, after all.'

`No, it's dishwasher detergent,' said Pip. `That's what freedom's 
all about, you know.'

Four people and a bunny rabbit looked at Pip blankly.

`Getting to pick which detergent you use.'


Written by Pip
With off list contributions from Melody and Grey Wolf
And on list contributions from Risti, Shauna and Melissa