TBAY jaunt AND filk

[Jonathan Pessin]

No: HPFGUIDX 52919

       A newcomer trudged slowly up the road to Theory Bay, halting suddenly when he saw the incredible setting which surrounded him.  

       "Oh, my goodness!  So THIS is what theory bay looks like," he said, taking in the sight.  Setting his fiddle (which was almost as large as he was) on the ground, he stared in unabashed awe at the many wonderful (and incredibly odd) things which littered the bay.  Belatedly realizing how tourist-ey he must look, he shook himself out of his stupor and decided to get the lay of the land.  Glancing around, he called out to a passing bay resident.  The woman glanced around for a few seconds, before turning her eyes downward.

       "Pip...?  Oh, I'm sorry, for a moment I thought you were a friend of mine.  It's not often we see Hobbits in this part of town.  From what I've heard, they tend to frequent the LOTR chats."

       "That's OK." The newcomer replied, "We sometimes look sort of similar to the untrained eye, especially from above.  But I don't see why you shouldn't expect more of us; we're all geeks of a feather, after all.  Anyway, I'm new here, and I was wondering if there's anyplace for me to stay.  The name's Hobbit-guy, by the way."

       "Hobbit-guy?  That's your name?" the bay dweller looked intrigued.  "Not Merry, or Pippin, or even Sam?"

       "No, I want to come up with a name of my own, someday."  Hobbit-guy looked wistful at the mention.  "Trouble is, I can't figure out a good one... but anyway, where does a Hobbit find lodging around here?"  The denizen of the Bay looked curiously at the pint-sized newcomer, sizing him up.  

       "Well, that really depends on what you believe.  There's pretty much a SHIP for whatever takes your fancy, or if you get seasick, you could always share the safe house with the Magic Dishwasher."

       "Ummm..." Hobbit-Guy looked abashed, "Actually, I really don't think any of that'll work for me.  I'm not sure I believe in ANY of the theories, personally.  Well, I really think I can explain it best in song."  He unpacked his fiddle.  The bay resident looked apprehensive.  

       "Are you sure that's a good idea?  I mean, in the middle of the bay?"

       "Of course!  Who doesn't like a nice filk?" Hobbit-guy put his fiddle up to his shoulder, and prepared his bow.

       "Now, to a tune of my own composing, 

Riding the Fence

Now some believe in SYNCOPHANTS, they think that Avery's nice,
And others like those Hedgehogs, blaming anyone for vice.
Some others feel that George is right, and Snape just evolved twice,
But I just ride the fence!

Now some may look for H and H, and others H and R,
But I believe that all those theories strain it all too far.
I may just join a ship one day, but things just as they are
Mean that I'll just ride the fence.

I know it's wishy-washy,
But I take it all in stride,
I'd like to like a theory
But I just can't decide!

So you can take your FEATHERBOAS, LOLLIPOPS, and Fie!
For other men might them accept, but never now shall I.
I'll just stand in the corner as the theories pass me by
'Cause I just ride the fence!"

       Hobbit-guy took his fiddle down, looking exhausted, but pleased.  
       "So, what do you think?  I know, it sounds a bit derogatory, but that's not how I mean it.  I'm just waiting for the author's word before I board one SHIP or other.  Is that too much to ask?"

       The resident gave Hobbit-guy an odd look.  
       "No, actually, that's not too much to ask at all.  Y'know, I think I know just the perfect place for you go.  Follow me, it's right down here."  She started walking down the road, with Hobbit-guy close in pursuit.

       "Thanks a lot.  I think I need some rest; filk-ing takes a lot out of you.  Oh, by the way, I don't think I caught your name.  What did you say it was?"

       "Actually, I haven't said yet; but since you ask, my name's Faith..."

Hobbit-guy (who used to be Paddywaack, but thinks this persona fits him better).