TBAY/SHIP: Romance on the Big Bang

Sat Jan 11 19:55:23 UTC 2003

No: HPFGUIDX 49640

Cindy awoke with a start in her cabin, jolted from a deep sleep by 
the raised voices echoing down the hall.  Shaking her head in 
irritation, she brushed the lint off her uniform, banged open the 
door to the hall and strode briskly toward the new Shipping wing on 
the Big Bang Destroyer.

As she turned the corner, she saw Gail and Eileen elbowing each 
other aside for the opportunity to be the first to present 
Derannimer with a Bangy shipping theory.  

"Stand aside, Sailors," Cindy commanded.  "Derannimer, what's going 
on in here?  Have you lost control of these shipping theorists 
already?"

"Captain, I'm so glad to see you!" Derannimer exclaimed, taking 
Cindy by the hand and dragging her into a magnificent circular 
ballroom.  "Look, I'm off to a great start here, don't you think?"

Cindy took in the candy-cane striped wallpaper, pink shag carpeting 
and shimmering strobe lights, fighting a sudden wave of nausea.  "Uh 
. . . . I love what you've done with the place," she muttered.

"Derannimer, Derannimer!" Gail broke in breathlessly, "I think I 
have something for this fabulous new Shipping wing!"

"Is it a FILK?" Deranimmer asked hesitantly, glancing nervously at 
Cindy.  "I don't know how the Captain would feel about . . . "

"No, no, no FILKing, I swear," Gail replied.  "It's proof positive 
that Shipping can Bang.  There *might* be BANG potential with a 
SHIP, methinks. Especially if paired with something else.  I'm 
imagining something along the lines of a Harry/Hermione SHIP with 
Hermione getting killed in a rather nasty way in front of Harry. 
See, they are completely and madly in love and then after you think 
that the two are going to live happily ever after, OUCH! One of them 
is killed...maybe if we're lucky, right in front of the other's 
eyes. A messy smear that Filch will have to clean up. Would that 
count, Captain?"

"Well, the messy smear part is pretty good," Cindy allowed 
reluctantly.  "But I think that theory seriously misapprehends the 
role and power of love in canon."

Derannimer gaped at her.  "You . . . you're going to lecture us all 
on *love?*"

"I most certainly am."  Cindy pulled up a lavender ottoman and 
perched on the edge of it, motioning Gail and Derannimer onto a pale 
pink loveseat.  Eileen stretched out on a pearl white Laz-E-Boy 
recliner as Derannimer beckoned for a round of drinks.

"See, ya gotta understand love," Cindy began.  "There's eros, which 
is sexual love.  There's philos, which is friendship.  And there's 
agape, love of God.  Then there's storge, which is parental love --"

"Hold up," Derannimer broke in.  "You don't know anything about 
Ancient Greece.  Where did you get all of that?"

"Oh, I'm hardly an expert, myself," Cindy said easily.  "But I read 
Amy Z on OT-Chatter Message 13212, and she squared me away pretty 
good."  The cabin boy approached bearing a tray laden with four 
clear drinks with a red substance swirling around the bottom of the 
glass.

"Derannimer, what on earth are you serving here in the Shipping 
wing?" Cindy asked, eyeing her drink suspiciously.

"Shirley Temples, Captain," Derannimer answered brightly.  "It's the 
perfect touch, don't you think?"

"Uh . . . " Cindy said, surreptitiously resting her drink on a 
nearby table.  "Like I was saying, I submit that the idea of eros as 
potentially Bangy is non-canonical, and the most Bangy type of love 
in canon is storge."

"What?" Derannimer said.

"That's ridiculous!" cried Gail.

"No, it isn't," Cindy said.  "Let's look at the instances in canon 
in which a witch or wizard knowingly and directly sacrifices himself 
or herself to save another wizard's life.  One example is when Lily 
faces Voldemort and shields Harry.  She didn't have to do that.  She 
could have stood aside and surrendered Harry, thereby perhaps saving 
her own life.  But she didn't, did she?  Saving Harry was the only 
thing she was thinking about."  

Cindy reached into her uniform pocket and pulled out a dog-eared 
copy of PoA, "The Patronus," and began to read in a hushed voice:

************

"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"
"Stand aside, you silly girl . . . stand aside, now . . . . "
"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead –"

*************

Cindy looked up from the worn pages.  "That's parental love, and it 
is the foundation of one of the most Bangy moments in canon."

"Yes, but what about James?" Derannimer asked quietly.  "James made 
a sacrifice to save Lily, so that's eros, isn't it?"

"No, James wasn't taking on Voldemort to save Lily," Cindy 
replied.  "James says, 'Lily, take Harry and go!  It's him!  Go! 
Run!  I'll hold him off -–'  He doesn't say he's trying to save 
Lily.  He's going to sacrifice himself to save *Harry,* to give Lily 
time to save Harry.  That's not romantic love, it's parental love 
again.

"Not only that," Cindy went on, "the other instance where a witch 
sacrificed herself was when Mrs. Crouch took Barty Jr.'s place in 
Azkaban.  'My mother saved me.'  Parental love again.  

"In fact, the text of GoF suggests that eros doesn't motivate major 
decisions in the wizarding world at all.  Barty Jr. says that Crouch 
Sr. loved Mrs. Crouch very much:  'He loved her as he had never 
loved me.'  Yet what sort of sacrifice did Crouch Sr. ever make for 
his wife?"

Cindy paused.  "Nothing.  Zip.  Nada.  Oh, eros exists in the 
wizarding world, but it doesn't really count for much, does it?"

"But . . . but JKR says there will be more romance in future books.  
She said it in some interview," said Eileen.  

"Oh, who *cares* what the author says?" Cindy shot back.  "We only 
care about what the author *writes.*  I mean, you start paying 
attention to what the author says when they stick a microphone in 
her face on the 'Today Show' and before you know it, you're hip-deep 
in -–"  She waved her hand impatiently.  "-- some fallacy or other.

"And don't take my word for it.  I'm sure a certain Master Theorist 
who frequents the Bay would back me up on this.  The author gets one 
chance to say her piece -– in the work of fiction itself.  And she'd 
better get it right, because nothing she says later makes any 
difference in how we should read the text."

"You're talking about Elkins, aren't you?" said Eileen reverently.

"That's 'The Elkins,' and yes, I am."

"I knew it!" Eileen exclaimed.  "If you're right that parental love 
is more powerful in the wizarding world than romantic love, 
well . . . that sinks LOLLIPOPS straight to the bottom of the Bay."

"But what about humor?" boomed a voice.

"Is that you, Dicentra?" asked Eileen.

"Yes," called Dicentra.  "I think it's pretty clear that JKR doesn't 
mix her laughs with her Bangs.  So far, canon hasn't presented us 
with anything that is both funny *and* life-changing.  None of the 
plot twists have been effected with a light-hearted touch. Humor and 
Bang haven't mixed yet, so I'd be surprised if it did in the future."

"And if humor and Bangs don't mix," Cindy agreed, "then romantic 
humor doesn't create a Bang.  Just a chuckle.  And it won't motivate 
major character actions and plot twists in future books.  Eros 
doesn't Bang.  Storge does."

Eileen nodded quickly.  "JKR's shipping so far has been *very* 
funny. Teenage love may not be serious, but it's hilarious to see 
caricature in people like Ron, Hermione, Viktor, and Harry."

"Right.  When JKR does humor, she doesn't do it for a Bang.  No, she 
does it for entertainment value, for a distraction, for fun.  Has 
there ever been a humorous moment in canon that turned out to be 
pivotal to the plot?" Cindy asked.

There was an awkward silence.

"No, the best humor in canon is so distant from the major plot 
elements that it is almost superfluous.  The Yule Ball and romantic 
subplot had nothing to do with the plot to restore Voldemort.  The 
Twins antics like Ton Tongue Toffee aren't central to the plot, 
either.  I think canon suggests that *if* there's romance in future 
books, it will be for humor value -– superfluous, a distraction, a 
side-show -– and not at all connected to important plot 
developments.  And above all, romance won't ever motivate canon 
characters to make a major sacrifice they wouldn't otherwise make."

"Maybe you have a point," said Eileen.  "We want Bangs that
involve bloody ambushes, not Ron discovering that Hermione's 
cheating on with Harry."

"You know what this means, don't you?" Cindy said soberly.  "If 
romance doesn't motivate major character actions, then we have more 
than the demise of LOLLIPOPS.  We have the *Death of Shipping* as we 
know it."

Cindy picked up her Shirley Temple, fished out the cherry at the 
bottom, pinched it between two fingers and bit it cleanly in two.

"Then again, maybe I don't know anything about love."

*******************

Cindy

*******************

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Inish Alley:

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