TBAY/SHIP: Comedy on the Big Bang

[dicentra63 <dicentra@xmission.com>]

No: HPFGUIDX 49149

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, "pippin_999 <foxmoth at q...>"
<foxmoth at q...> wrote:

> Pippin attempts to hand Cindy a very suspicious-looking cigar, 
> which not only smells of gunpowder but has a bright red and 
> yellow ACME label on it. 
> 
> "Just a minute, there," Cindy smirks. "I wasn't born yesterday, you 
> know. You aren't handing me any explosive smoking materials, 
> thank you very much."
> 
> "Ah, then you admit it--humor bangs."
> 
> Cindy twiddles the paddle dangerously. "And your point is--"
> 
> "Well, it's like the exploding cigar. Our Trio protagonists *were* 
> born yesterday, more or less. They're very young. They're going 
> to behave in naive ways, which will result in serious 
> embarrassment. 

"Like the Yule Ball?" comes a voice out of nowhere.  Pippin,
Derannimer, and Gail start.

Cindy grimaces and massages her forehead with one hand. "She's just
learned the Sonorus Spell," she mutters.  "She's been driving me crazy
all morning."

"Who?"

"Dicentra.  The GARBAGE SCOW is clear on the other side of the Bay. 
She can't resist the chance to show off."

"I heard that." 

Cindy motions the other two closer. "She's also got some kind of bug
planted on the Big Bang, but blamed if I can find it," whispers Cindy.

The voice continues. "There have to be more incidents like the Yule
Ball and Harry's articulate 'wangoballwime?' in the works.  It's
hillarious, but does comedy really Bang?"

"Yes!" exclaims Pippin.

"Only if there's a lava pit involved!" says Cindy.

"Only if someone messily *dies*!" cries Gail.

"Only if it involves unrequited love!" yells Derannimer, fingering her
gold key.

"It would have to be both funny *and* life-changing," says the voice.
"So far, canon hasn't presented us with anything like that. 
Pettigrew's betrayal wasn't funny in the least, nor was the torture of
the Longbottoms or Barty Jr's escape from Azkaban or any of the other
Bangs."

Cindy ponders this.  "I'll be laughing pretty hard when JKR offs
Hagrid," she muses.

"But you know as well as I do that his death, if it occurs, will be
written with tears in her eyes.  No comedy.  No wordplay.  You'll be
laughing for your own sick reasons."

"Hey!"

"And none of the plot twists have been effected with a light-hearted
touch.  They've all been sinister, frightning, malicious.  Finding out
that Sirius was actually innocent didn't provoke any laughter, and you
might have chuckled at Voldemort's face on the back of Quirrill's head
if it weren't so creepy.  Nope.  Humor and Bang haven't mixed yet, so
I'd be surprised if it did in the future."

--Dicentra, now working on Quietus