Ron, Hermione, and self esteem (some SHIP)

[David <dfrankiswork@netscape.net>]

No: HPFGUIDX 50007

Pippin quoted Penny on Hermione and Ron:
> 
> >>  She's not shown much interest so far in pumping up 
> his self-esteem (low already)and he isn't actually going to shine 
> or come into his own if he's constantly being overshadowed by 
> both his best friend the Hero and his girlfriend the
> Over-Achiever.<<

and then said:
> 
> Besides, why does it have to be Hermione's job to improve her 
> boy-friend's self-esteem? Sure, she has the ability to be a  
> nurturing person, but why does her romantic interest have to be 
> focused on that? If she needs to baby someone--well, that's 
> what babies are for, IMNSHO. 
> 

Well, I think it's Hermione's 'job' to (try to) improve Ron's self-
esteem because he's her friend.  I agree with Penny that if she were 
to consistently pull down Ron's self-esteem it would both undermine 
their existing friendship and prevent the development of any kind of 
healthy partnership.  However I also believe that if two people are 
tackling this sort of issue willingly, then it doesn't need to be 
fully resolved for the relationship to develop in other ways.

I see both Hermione and Ron as looking to the other to provide some 
(self-)esteem and failing to get as much as they want because the 
other is also needy.  Especially in POA where Crookshanks and 
Scabbers are surrogates for their owners: both see the attitude of 
the other to their pet as a revelation of their attitude to them.  
In GOF I think both of them are showing some signs of growing out of 
this (Ron only after the ball, of course), but I think it's at the 
root of their difficulties whether as friends or partners and they 
need to resolve it whatever happens.  Neither has left it behind by 
the end of GOF, despite the improvements.

Where I think I part company with Penny is that I think it means 
something that Ron and Hermione keep coming back for more 
unsatisfaction.  Why?  Is it just an unhealthy co-dependence?

I think the member of the trio with the biggest self-esteem issues 
is Harry, though.  He doesn't actively look to his friends for it 
though, so it doesn't lead to as much conflict.  Notice how ready he 
is in the holidays to believe they really have forgotten him in COS -
 and he doesn't complain: he just gets on quietly with the business 
of despairing.  How the only thing he thinks he's good at is 
Quidditch, even in GOF.  How he follows Ron's lead in selecting 
third year options (electives) because has no perception of his own 
abilities.

The lack of conflict (most of the time!) between Harry and the other 
two isn't necessarily indicative of a fundamentally more healthy 
situation, or one conducive to romance, IMO.  I'm tempted to wonder 
if there's some sort of symbolic significance in the fact that (in 
POA) while Hermione and Ron's pets are consistently close by them, 
on display and in conflict, Harry's is out of sight and distant in 
the owlery, and hardly interacts with Scabbers, Crookshanks, Ron, or 
Hermione.  Likewise that Ron gets a new pet.  Pullman HDM fans, any 
thoughts?

David