Umbridge FILK

[snapeschambers]

No: HPFGUIDX 71559

You've a Toad-Face, Ms. Umbridge
to the tune of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch"

The Scene: The Gryffindor dormitory. Harry is drifting off to sleep, 
thinking back pleasantly on ignominious retreat of the Hogwarts High 
Inquisitor...

(wavy lines indicating dream sequence transition)

Enter DUMBLEDORE, gazing into a swirling Pensieve and shaking his 
head


You've a toad-face, Ms. Umbridge.
I thought you ought to know.
Your neck is nonexistent
And I hate that big black bow,
Ms. Umbridge.

You're about as clever
As a drunken grindylow.

You're abhorrent, Ms. Umbridge
Like a nasty sewer clog.
There's really nothing slimier
Than a pompous pedagogue,
Ms. Umbridge.

I wouldn't touch you with a
Whomping Willow log.

You're pathetic, Ms. Umbridge.
You're a simpering, feeble sham.
I've heard better ersatz coughing
At a hernia exam,
Ms. Umbridge.

Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the--HEM HEM--hernia exam.

You're a foul one, Ms. Umbridge
With your exsanguinating quill.
How dare you torture Harry
Into sleepless deshabille,
Ms. Umbridge.

The three words that best describe you are, and I 
quote: "Plump" "Pink" "Punk"

You are troll-kin, Ms. Umbridge,
High Inquisitor or not.
Fudge must be in Malfoy's pocket
To have given you that spot,
Ms. Umbridge

Your soul is a Chamber of Secrets housing a flatulent, feculent 
flobberworm best left undisturbed for all eternity and
Sealed with Devil's Snare knots!

You're a cretin, Ms. Umbridge.
Minerva told you off.
Even Flitwick had you floundering,
Even Hagrid had to scoff,
Ms. Umbridge.

You're a three-decker moldy head cheese and stoat sandwich
With Stinksap sauce.