[HPforGrownups] The Dress Robes Affair

Mon Jun 9 01:17:38 UTC 2003

No: HPFGUIDX 59598

Sherrie:

> > Parents are not perfect and all-wise; sometimes they do react to a 
>*minor*
> > outburst of a problem that's been major for some time.  I know my 
>parents
> > did it more than once, and I've seen my friends' parents do it, and my 
>own
> > friends when they're parenting.  Sometimes the same spot gets picked at 
>so
> > often that it's just raw and it provokes an outburst when it would have 
>been
> >
> > better ignored or on a rare occasion helped the way the kid wanted it.
>
>Felinia, I agree 100% with your assessment here.  I'm from an 
>almost-Weasley
>sized family that wasn't exactly wealthy - we didn't get to have all the
>things other kids had, whether it was the latest fad in clothing or a new 
>car when
>we turned 16.  What we DID have was a home that was always open to any of 
>our
>friends, food on the table, clean clothes on our backs (so what if they
>weren't designer jeans?), & a family that (mostly) watched each other's 
>backs.  Did
>we whine sometimes?  Well, yes - one of my sisters, especially.  And my
>parents - especially my mom - reacted VERY much the way Molly does to Ron's
>complaints, whenever we DID.  (Ron reminds me a LOT of this sister, BTW - 
>that's NOT a
>good thing, in case you were wondering.)
>
Thanks!  Yes, I know parents who are rather unsympathetic if they've pointed 
out, over and over again, what the family or the particular kid *does* have; 
and they still hear about what's lacking.

>Would my parents try to fix things, if they were aware of the problems?  
>Sure
>- but we had to TELL them there WAS a problem, & tell them that we NEEDED
>help.  Not HINT at it, not whine about it - flat-out TELL them.  Mostly, as 
>we
>got older, we tried to find ways to fix things ourselves - which is what I
>assumed that G&F had done with THEIR dress robes.
>
You know - it's so funny that you should mention this particular dynamic, 
because it's amazing how many adults grow up to follow this same pattern - 
the hinting.  I'm in an officer position in a non-profit group to which I 
belong, and over Memorial Day weekend I was at an event where a number of 
people who were connected with one particular activity wanted something to 
happen that they kept dropping by to hint to me about.  I stoutly ignored 
them, and finally went to one of the officers for that activity and said, 
"Please - keep these people out of my hair.  Hinting won't do any good; I 
will not act until I get official word from you or [the other officer 
entitled to ask]."  I don't know why people think that hinting is a better 
or less demanding method than asking right out, especially on this coast - 
they seem to think it is less 'demanding' somehow.

Anyway, it is annoying in adults, and I can see where, about teenaged years, 
parents would want to start to eliminate it, if not sooner.

>I also seem to recall someone mentioning that Mrs. Weasley should know that
>Ron doesn't like maroon - yet always makes him maroon jumpers.  That's not 
>at
>all unbelieveable to me.  I LOATHE the color pink - ever since I was a 
>child
>(even when I was a blonde).  Yet every year at Yule, my mother would get me 
>one
>or two items of pink clothing.  Finally, when I was, oh, about 35 or so, 
>she
>said to me, "You don't like pink, do you?"  Took her a while - but she 
>finally
>figured it out! <G>
>
And you're omitting the most obvious answer (IMHO) of all: that mother 
thinks she knows best.  :-)  My mother was addicted to the joys of navy blue 
polyester - can you see a three-year-old dressed in navy blue polyester 
everything?  I remember one go around she had when I was buying material to 
make a cape for the SCA - I had my eye on a heavy azure blue with a lighter 
gold lining.  Somehow she got it all twisted around and me twisted around in 
the fabric store - I still lived at home and was highly dependent on her for 
things like transportation, which she would not hesitate to manipulate to 
get her way over unrelated items - to where we were about to buy more, you 
guessed it, navy blue polyester that I would have to piece.  I finally came 
to my senses and said, right in front of the clerk, "You know - I'm not 
crazy about this at all; navy blue isn't really blue, which is what I want, 
and if you're going to threaten to make me walk home today if I spend my own 
money on what I want and need, then I just won't buy it right now."  I can 
imagine she wans't pleased with me talking back to her like that in front of 
someone - speaking of defiant teenagers :-) - but it was *my* money and she 
had no right to be that manipulative or controlling, since she wasn't 
wearing it and she wans't being called on to wash it or get stains out of it 
(I'd done all my own laundry including hand washing for four years at that 
point).  But my point is:  my mom thought that dark colors were always best 
"because they wouldnt' show dirt" (like I never washed or did laundry!  
that's what always got me about that argument, becuase I'm manic about not 
appearing in or wearing dirty clothes), and she thought polyester was a 
miracle fabric, at a time when natural fabrics were making a big 
reappearance and all my generation thought polyester was horrible and tacky. 
  Molly may well prefer Ron in maroon and think he looks best in it and that 
he doesn't know what he's about with not liking it.  Maybe he liked it as a 
small child and she hasn't been able to shake that patterning.  It doesn't 
always spell blindness in a situation like this:  sometimes it's a decidedly 
different opinion at work.

>To me, Molly behaves very much like a realistic mother of a very large
>family.  And Ron just seems to be (IMHO - hang on while I put on my NASCAR
>firesuit!) someone who always wants others to do things for him, whether 
>it's homework
>or fixing what's "broke", & whines when he doesn't get his way.
>
>Sherrie
>All our tomorrows are built upon the foundation of all our yesterdays...
>
Sherrie, this is a good point.  A big deal has been made of how Ron has 
suffered by being the last in a long string of sons, always getting the 
short end, etc.; and no doubt there is *some* truth to some aspects of this. 
  However:  he was also the last son at home.  Fred and George are how far 
ahead of Harry and Ron?  For some time, Ron got to be home with Molly doing 
things for him (and I'd bet my eye teeth Ginny helps with more of the 
housework than Ron does, even if Ron does more of the "outside" chores).  I 
suspect that that, plus the natural tendency to protect the baby brother 
from his older brothers, if on uneven occasions, made Ronny into a tiny bit 
of a whiner.  He's not bad - otherwise he'd have no spine at all, and he 
does have spine.  But basically he's just a flawed human being.  You know?

Felinia

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