[HPforGrownups] The Dress Robes Affair

[Jesta Hijinx]

No: HPFGUIDX 59956

Melanie wrote, snipping my exposition on the horrors of hinting behavior if 
not nipped in the bud:

>GOOD HEAVENS, YES!!! LOL My oldest is 7 1/2, a boy, and he is the KING of
>hinting for what he wants. If he's wanting something good (cool toy,
>game, go to the park, whatever) he hints around at it - "Boy, this sure
>is cool!" "Wow, I really like that." "You know, if I had ___ I would take
>such good care of it...." But heaven forbid he's wanting to go against
>something he doesn't want/want to do. He immediately reacts just like
>dear ol' Ron - complaining and griping about how he won't do this, won't
>take that, doesn't want such-n-such, instead of just coming out and
>saying, "Mom, I don't like this, can we do ____ instead?" (Or can I wait
>5 minutes to finish my game, can I tape this show while I take my bath,
>etc.)
>
>I do my best not to blow up at him like poor Molly did at Ron, but then I
>only have 1 other child to take care of, and I'm not trying to shoo them
>out the door to school! I do, however, refuse to play the hinting game,
>and I say kudos to Molly for not falling for it herself. If my son is
>wanting to have something/do something but won't ask for it, I just
>smile, nod politely and agree with him that yep, it sure is cool! If he's
>wanting to go against me, I weigh how much he's griping, whether thereis
>an alternative, etc. I give him "THE LOOK" and will suggest to him,
>"Well, what do you need to do about it?". If Molly had not been so
>exasperated, she might have done the same, and given Ron that little
>break to rewind, think about it, and realize that he needed to ask for an
>alternative like getting help with the lace.
>
>One last note, I agree with the poster that said that Molly probably
>*did* intend to speak to Ron about his dress robe, but with the
>excitement over the DEs at the QWC, and the intervening very busy week,
>just completely forgot about it. I don't think she ever intended to
>embarass the poor boy that badly.
>
I agree with all of this - the thing is, the way the scenes are written, 
with JKR's adept touch, there is just the sense that this is an on-going 
situation in the Weasley house - not anomalous behavior that's suddenly 
cropped up.

I think it was Fred who was using the incident of Molly possibly forgetting 
about the dress robes and the lace as a supporting piece of information 
about "shouldn't your children be the most important thing?"; and I have no 
doubt that Fred feels very strongly about these episodes because of what 
he's mentioned, his own background, which we each bring to bear in our 
interpretation of these types of scenes.  (I've mentioned, at length, my own 
familial episodes with money - I've just brought a different lesson away 
from it than Fred has, and that's perfectly fine.)  However, in my opinion, 
Fred has done a not uncommon thing and hyperbolized that type of incident - 
"shouldn't your children be the most important thing?" - into the notion 
that women who are mothers should sacrifice their entire lives, every moment 
of consciousness, to even fulfilling their children's *whims* and not their 
actual needs.

If it is because one has felt inadequately mothered, I empathize; but as a 
woman who wants to be a mother and is working toward that goal, I also have 
come to know through study, observation and conversation both of mothers and 
of people (everyone has a mother, after all) in general that the best 
mothers are the ones who are *not* totally obsessed with their children's 
every whim; who *do* look out for their actual needs, which can include 
their safety, making tough choices about which needs of which child to 
fulfill at any given moment (and I agree with whomever posted that all of 
the chaos and anxiety around the QWC had probably *entirely* chased any 
subvital thoughts totally out of Molly's head - my own mother probably would 
have had to be hospitalized for a nervous breakdown after something like 
that - and tough love in terms of teaching lessons - which can include not 
catering to every fancy and whim.

Even though we don't have pages of Ron mentioning not being rolling in 
money, there are plenty of cites, starting right early on on the train to 
Hogwarts, where we are *meant* see that his financial status is a source of 
great discomfort, embarrassment and angst to him.  We're *meant* see that - 
it's not just a random fancy, it's somehow an important plot point (and I'm 
with those who think that Ron is ultimately going to do something stupid or 
ill-judged that's going to cause a great deal of harm because of it).  I'll 
stand by what I say, that this is an on-going state of affairs, and that 
Molly's just hit a point where she's had enough.  To take a reverse view, 
where are the cites that Molly is a careless or deliberately cruel mother - 
other than just very busy with that many kids, what is functionally a manor 
or estate to manage (because Arthur's working those long hours at the MoM, 
she doesn't have a house elf, and essentially the base of the domesticity at 
The Burrow looks rather agrarian than high tech to me), and a husband who's 
gone a lot and doesn't bring home a lot of money, so she has to budget and 
eke out and manage and scrounge?  Her kids all seem to adore her, even Gred 
and Forge the problem babies; and they seem to mostly be well-adjusted young 
people, with their own little quirks and phobias, capable of succeeding in 
school and making friends and even having girlfriends (yes, Percy, the 
maladjusted, seems to have had a pretty cute girlfriend for some period of 
time).

Just my thoughts at this late hour,
Felinia
in chore avoidance mode

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