What you WON'T read in OoP

Thu Jun 19 15:52:20 UTC 2003

No: HPFGUIDX 61091

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, IAmLordCassandra at a... wrote:
> In a message dated 6/19/2003 10:58:45 AM Eastern Daylight Time, 
> rstephens at n... writes:
> 
> 
> > Keeping with the "things that won't be said in OotP" mold 
(meaning dialouge 
> > 
> > only), I've cleaned up the list and added some of my own.  
Couldn't resist.  
> > 
> > This is too much fun.
> > 
> > 1. From Hagrid : " Now Harry, I'm supposed to tell you this 
secret....."
> > 2. "Fawkes! Stop flicking your ash on the carpet!"
> > 3. At the Dementors : "Now give auntie a nice big kiss!"
> > 4. Snape : "Well done, Neville! 50 points to Gryffindor!"
> > 5. Madame Malkin : "This year the mini is 'in'!".
> > 6. Colin Creevely, pointing his camera : "Keep moving, please!"
> > 7. Ollivander : " For the budget minded we have the PVC model 
with 
> > simulated grain."
> > 8. " Neville! Can't you control Trevor? There's toadstools all 
over the 
> > place!"
> > 9. Ron : " That won't work, Harry. According to the Theory of 
> > Indeterminancy...."
> > 10. Dumbledore : " Harry, what I have to tell you 
is...Arrrgggghhhh!" Body 
> > hits 
> > floor. 
> > 11. Ron: "I read in "Hogwarts' a History.........."
> > 12. Hermione: "Well it hardly matters if we miss just one 
> > lesson.."
> > 13. Snape: "Thankyou." to any Gryffindor you please
> > 14. Moody: "I was just taking a little relaxation break."
> > 15. Arthur Weasley: "Its just some *ordinary* muggle thing."
> > 16. MacGonagall to Moody: "Really, relaxation well that was just 
the thing 
> > on 
> > my own mind today."
> > 17: Neville: "Harry, why do you always forget your passwords?"
> > 18: Hermione: "Maybe he apparated into Hogwarts?"
> > 19: Petunia: "Do you want to invite your friends to spend the 
summer with 
> > us, 
> > Harry?"
> > 20:Snape to Sirius: "Don't worry about it; I forgive you."
> > 21:Sirius to Snape: "I've always liked your hair."
> > 22:Draco to Harry: "I can't help it. I love you."
> > 23:Lucius Malfoy: "One mustn't take this pure-blood stuff too 
far."
> > 24:Lily Potter to Harry: "You're adopted."
> > 25. Prof. Trelawney: "It's just a lump of tea leaves"
> > 26. Crabbe and Goyle: "This feast food is just way too fattening"
> > 27. Prof. Snape: "I think I'll lay out in the sun for a bit....I 
could use a 
> > tan"
> > 
> > ***
> > 28. Uncle Vernon: "Harry, you're an absolute rail.  Petunia, fix 
Harry a 
> > nice big 
> > steak dinner."
> > 29. Uncle Vernon:  "Pleasure to see you again Mr. Weasley. You 
must come 
> > see my new mechanical tie rack."
> > 30. Voldemort (dressed in drag): "Hi everyone.  I'm your new DADA 
teacher."
> > 31. Hermione: "Arithmancy is such rubbish.  I should have stayed 
in 
> > Divination."
> > 32. Any Trio member:  "I guess they'll have to call us the 
`Threesome' now."
> 
> 33. Dobby: Join me in the boycott against clothes! Wheeeee! *runs 
around 
> naked* Down with socks!!! 
> 34. Dobby/Ginny/Colin: I hate Harry Potter. Down with scar boy! 
> 35. Hagrid: Eep! I'm not going to get near that thing...it looks 
dangerous!  
> 36. Voldemort: Harry...it is time you knew the truth....Dumbledore 
never told 
> you what happened to your father   Harry: He told me enough! He 
told me you 
> killed him!  Voldemort: No. *I* am your father!  

Oh, too much fun...

37.  Dudley:  "Please pass the broccoli."
38.  Hermione (whisper):  "Neville, do I add the diced toadstools 
before or after taking the cauldron off the fire?"
39.  Ron:  "Harry, I'm glad I don't have to deal with managing a huge 
vault of gold like you."
40.  Harry:  "I hate Quidditch!"
41.  Lee Jordan:  "After that revolting bit of cheating by the 
Gryffindors on the Slytherin keeper..."
42.  Gred and Forge:  "We've given up on the joke shop idea to open a 
cauldron factory.  Percy's owling over the requirements."
43.  Percy:  "I am *so* into the Wierd Sisters!  When's the next 
concert?"
44.  Arthur:  "Lucius, I *love* what you've done with your hair!"
45.  Petunia:  "I'd really rather not know what the neighbors are 
doing."
46.  Vernon:  "So Harry, tell me all about Hogwarts."
47.  Molly:  "Good grief, Harry, must you *always* spend so much time 
here?"
48.  Cornelius:  "Albus, I was thinking that you were right about Vol-
 You Know Who being back."
49.  Amos Diggory:  "My Ced couldn't hold a candle to Harry Potter 
when it comes to flying."
50.  Hagrid:  "Great man, Voldemort, great man..."
51.  Viktor:  "I'd like to thank 'Witch Weekly' for presenting me 
with their Most Charming Smile award..."
52.  Ludo:  "I'd prefer not to capitalize on my fame as a top-notch 
Beater."
53.  Dobby:  "Come to think of it, I'd rather be back with the 
Malfoys."
54.  Winky:  "Winky wants paying!"
55.  (Any centaur):  "Why yes, Harry, the stars say you will die a 
hero's death on May 14, 1999, through an Avada Kedavra curse 
performed by Lucius Malfoy at the dying request of Tom Riddle aka 
Voldemort in the graveyard at Little Hangleton after you kill him 
following his murder of Albus Dumbledore on May 3, 1999."
56.  Trelawney:  "I'm really not very good at this Divination stuff."
57.  McGonagall:  "I really wish I possessed the Eye like Sibyll."
58.  Snape:  "Five points from Slytherin for your attitude, Malfoy."

OK, enough for me for now...