OotP - TBAY: Ron is Dumbledore

[Kia]

No: HPFGUIDX 65181

Disclaimer: I never TBAY-ed anything before and I probably do it 
all wrong, so please, forgive me the error of my ways.


A dark looming building. A sign in the dark hallway reads: 
"Theory Bay Mental Asylum" and in smaller print: "Humble Pie for 
lunch."

In a, even darker corridor a nurse and a doctor look at a patient. 
"Schizophrenic Theoritis," says the doctor, "a sad case, really."

"A rare illness indeed," replies the nurse, "not many people 
develope multiple personalities in order to believe in more and 
contradicting theories. Is there any way to cure this?"

"A cure is in developement and we told her. Since then, the 
patient calls for it in her more lucid moments."

Meanwhile in the padded cell:

Kia huddles in a corner, muttering to herself... well, actually to 
her snarky Tyler Durden/Mary Sue self, who looks nothing like 
Brad Pitt actually: "... the whole idea behind the Ron is 
Dumbledore theory is brilliant,  because it is a retrospective way 
of explaining every Flint, continuity error or glaringly obvious 
problems in canon like 'If Dumbledore was so easily convinced 
of Sirius' innocence in PoA, why did he ever thought that he was 
guilty in the first place? If he suspected Tom Ridde to be evil, why 
didn't he do anything about it?'"

The Tyler Durden Wannabee on the other side looks 
uninterested and umimpressed at her nails: "Well, duh, you 
know. Should have Transfiguration teacher Albus aka the 
Uninfluental Dude done something about that he had no 
evidence of? Like suspecting the head boy to have a pet 
basilisk? And all the while the half-giant gets caught with a 
acromantula? Mental.... wait..."

"But..."

"No but. Listen to me. Order of the Phoenix has shot the whole 
Ron is Dumbledore theory to Hell. Yep, I confess it was nice to 
speculate on arbitary evidence like the unknown eye-color of 
Weasley-boy or a only marginally thought-of-as-canon like the 
Bertie Bott Wizarding Card, but seriously... no, no, no. No way."

"But the perfectness of it all - Ron can't alter the future, because 
he has to assure that the future will be as it was in his past, 
before he went back... otherwise he would be looking at a huge 
gap where logic is. He would know everything, but would be 
totally unable to change anything." There is a certain desperate 
look on Kia's face, the TBW knows too well. "And this is the total 
essence of Dumbledore - omniscience and impotence. He 
knows what happens, but he can't change it. He knows that 
Moody isn't Moody and that Cedric will die, but he can't change it. 
Not without creating serious problems. He has to wait for *the* 
moment he was sent for to change."

The TBW knows to keep it cool now, in order to avoid some 
serious crying fits: "Okay, let's play your game - Ron is 
Dumbledore, sent back a few hundred years, where he got 
friendly with Flamel in order to get a long enough life expectancy 
to pull this off, re-invented the twelve uses for dragon's blood, 
used his superior knowledge of history to defeat Grindlewald, let 
Riddle off the hook, but gave Hagrid his job," Kia nods happily, 
"let Voldemort rise and watched an incredible amount of people 
killed, tortured and destroyed and is still the happy, twinkle-guy, 
although he knows he could have theoretically changed this. 
Dude, I think, no. No one could deal with that kind of pseudo-guilt 
and still have a twinkle in his eye."

"But the Mirror of Erised Scene... the eye-color, the hair color, the 
nose..."

"Okay, time out, time out. No crying fits, please." The TBW is 
disturbed... it does sound great, if there wasn't giant hole in the 
theory. "What about OotP? You know, I wonder... Ron already 
loves Harry - not like that! - , he wouldn't be surprised that he 
loves him when he sees him in his first year. He would already 
love him, still love him. A big love fest. Twelve out of ten points on 
the love-o-meter even before Harry sets a foot in the Hogwarts 
train. And he would never struggle over telling him, he would 
already know that he  cannot tell him the facts without changing 
history and if he survived the guilt over Voldemort's first war, this 
is an easy-peasy guilt thing." A wail comes from the corner, the 
TBW rather quickly goes on with a cheerier idea: "Why does it 
have to be Ron? It could be Percy or Fred or Bill? They are 
red-haired too, they are men, they have probably blue eyes too 
and have eaten Bertie Bott's Beans. Or for that matter - why does 
it have to be Albus Dumbledore?"

"You mean, Aberforth..." says the small, no-longer-crying voice in 
the corner, "Aberforth? The weird one with the goat charms?"

"Hey that could have been nothing but malicious rumors... but 
yeah, goat-lover Aberforth. A 'strange bloke', according to Moody 
and Moody would know. Is probably still alive, although he is 
probably as old as Dumbledore. Weird, innit? Seems to be quite 
a recluse, has been mentioned twice so far under suspicious 
circumstances... you know, I think there is more to him than the 
goat rumours. I mean, what would you do, if you knew the future 
and know that you aren't allowed to alter it for a long time?" The 
TBW sees the other self's eyes widen in shock and R-rated 
thougths. "NO! No, effin' no girl! Out of that gutter, I know what you 
are thinking and I want you to stay on effin' topic! Aberforth the 
recluse, the strange guy, the outcast, the one who doesn't read... 
look me in the eyes and tell me what you are thinking about that."

Kia gets out of the gutter and warms up to the topic: "Get 
someone to help you with not altering it. Set this person on the 
right track, offer him futuristic sweets as bribes (and we know 
how much Albus loves sweets) and ask him to make him part of 
the family in exchange for knowledge and for his help. And then 
run off to live as an ermit in order to avoid seeing the future, you 
aren't allowed to alter."

"Yeah, kind of what I thought. But hey, PREMATURE - Prefect Ron 
Equals Maligned Aberforth Telling Unbelievable Realities 
Enigmatically? Come on, that's a terrible acronym and an even 
worse theory.  Aberforth is still just a guy on a photo and he 
probably doesn't even look a tiny bit like Ron, so... according to 
my brain cells this theory is even more shot than the Ron is 
Dumbledore thing. Which still ain't worth crying over."

"Well, Aberforth was your idea anyway. I stick to the original. Ron 
is Dumbledore and Dumbledore is good at lying. Cheers. Go 
away now, so I can give the doctors one of my lucid moments."

The Tyler Durden Wannabee vanishes, the huddled figure in the 
corner starts to make her "lucid moments" chants. "Book Seven, 
Book Seven, Book Seven...."



Kia

P.S. I hope I didn't offend anyone with the mental institution thing, 
If I did, sorry.