TBAY: Failure (WAS Harry's Failures (WAS Harry as Alexander the Great))

[Meg Demeranville]

No: HPFGUIDX 53867

Waking with a start, Meg reached automatically to her right for the phone.
Finding only a wall and realizing there was no phone ringing, Meg rolled
over to find her bedside lamp. "What was that?" she mumbled to herself,
rubbing her fists in her eyes against the sudden change in light and trying
desperately to orient herself. Perking up her ears, she heard the words
"Harry.failure.bang" and realized she must be at the Safe House. Fully awake
at this point, she yawned and pointed her scalpel at the air duct. Suddenly
the words became clearer and more distinct. Melody was discussing failure
and it sounded like Cindy was arguing the Bang factor. Gather her purple
fleece blanket around her, Meg padded down the hall towards Melody's room to
add her two cents.
 
Reaching Melody's room, she paused. Did she really want to barge into
Melody's room late at night? Did she want to discuss failure with Captain
Cindy? Screwing up all the courage she could muster, she knocked on the
door. "Mel, are you awake?" Meg said quietly. Hearing a muffled "Yeah, come
in," Meg opened the door and paused. Melody was in her bed squished to one
side while Captain Cindy monopolized the rest of the bed. There was a
sleeping bag on the floor where a boy lay, obviously starting to wake up
because of the ruckus. Meg wondered briefly why there was a boy sleeping on
Melody's floor, but decided to wait a while before asking.
 
"Who's there?" demanded Captain Cindy, blinking in the light at the person
in the doorway.
 
Looking down, Meg realized how strange she looked. Pink striped socks, green
scrub pants, a t-shirt reading MD Cheerleading, a messy pony-tail from which
half of her hair was escaping and wrapped in a purple blanket did not
exactly portray the confident student Meg pretended to be. "It's Meg. I
heard you guys talking about failure and well, since it's a topic I am so
familiar with lately, I thought I would weigh in." Meg said as she settled
on the floor by Melody's bed. Pointing toward the guy in the sleeping bag,
she asked Melody, "So we do co-ed slumber parties now at the Safe House? You
going to introduce me or what?"
 
Melody sighed as she realized she was not going to get any more sleep. "Meg,
that's my brother John. John, meet Meg. Now Meg, what are your thoughts?"
 
"Well Melody, you were talking about Harry and failure." Meg reached in her
back pocket and extracted a small tape recorder. Pressing a button, she
continued, "I believe you said, 
 
'He does have a knack for survival, but at some point he will fail.  And if
he never does, then he is not human at all.'
 
With a click, Meg turned the tape recorder off. "I think John started my
point, assuming that he was the male voice I heard, but I will come back to
that. Later you continued with that idea." With a click, Meg restarted her
tape recorder. 
 
'The key is though, Harry needs...no, must...no, will fail eventually. He is
not prince charming of the wizard world.  He is a boy.'
 
Meg clicked the tape recorder off. "Melody, have you ever considered that he
doesn't have to truly fail? He only needs to feel that he has failed. Think
about it. When Cedric died, he blamed himself. When the dementors came to
the game and he fell off his broom, he blamed himself for the lost game.
Whenever something bad happens, he assumes that he is responsible for the
failure."
 
Meg noticed Melody's confused look and went on, "Look at how he is treated
at the Dursleys. For ten years he was treated like everything he did was
wrong. Now he is placed in a world that idolizes him, that doesn't think he
did wrong automatically. It's like the sorting hat said. He has a strong
wish to prove himself, to live up to the expectations. He doesn't have to
fail. He just has to disappoint someone, his mentor." Meg smiled as she
noticed the recognition on Melody's face. "Yes, that's right. All Dumbledore
has to say is 'Harry, I am disappointed in you' and it's over. Harry will
feel like a failure. And that would be more devastating to Harry than
actually failing at anything else."
 
"Right now, Harry is thriving on being told he did good. He may be the boy
who lived, but he is also a boy who spent ten years never being told good
job. Look at all the points Harry loses from Snape. He worries over them
because he feels like he is letting the rest of Gryffindor down. He wants
the praise." Melody sputtered but Meg ignored her and continued. "No, he
doesn't want to be the center of attention, but he wants people to love him.
Whenever the school turns against him, that nagging thought that the
Dursleys were right resurfaces. It is only Dumbledore's faith in him that
keeps him going. Part of that faith is reflected in the trust of his
friends. The most devastating moments for Harry have been when the world
turns against him. Where are your books?"
 
Shoving her blanket aside, Meg jumped up and walked over to Melody's desk.
Reaching under a stack of books (Basics of Bunny Care, So You've Bought A
Carnivorous Bunny, A History of 19th Century Fashion) and extracted Melody's
copies of the four Harry Potter American hardback books. Happy with her
find, Meg wandered back to her blanket. 
 
"Um, Meg?" Melody asked, clearing her throat.
 
"Yes, Mel?" Meg asked, not looking up from the books.
 
"Meg, I had copies of the books right here," Mel replied, snickering as she
pointed to her bedside table an arm's length from where Meg sat.
 
"Oh, sorry, wasn't thinking. Anyway, here, GoF, chapter 18." Meg replied,
finding what she was looking for. Meg began to read aloud.
 
'The next few days were some of Harry's worst at Hogwarts. The closest he
had ever come to feeling like this had been during those months, in his
second year, when a large part of the school had suspected him of attacking
his fellow students. But Ron had been on his side then. He thought he could
have coped with the rest of the school's behavior if he could just have had
Ron back as a friend, but he wasn't going to try and persuade Ron to talk to
him if Ron didn't want to. Nevertheless, it was lonely with dislike pouring
in on him from all sides.'
 
Closing the book, Meg continued, "Here we can see how miserable Harry is
when he feels like no one has faith in him. Hermione is the same way. We
know she fears failure from her boggart. That's why Harry and Hermione stay
close. It's also what excludes Ron. Ron doesn't fear failure like Harry and
Hermione. It doesn't drive him like it drives them. He doesn't fear losing
Dumbledore's respect like they do. In the end, it leaves Harry and Hermione
together like they were in PoA when Ron can't help because his motivations
are different. He has a sense of loyalty, but not the sense of justice that
Harry and Hermione have. Ron is too prone to his preconceived ideas.
Hermione and Harry didn't grow up in the Wizarding World like Ron. Both of
them want to prove themselves and fear failing. Want proof of Hermione
fearing failure? It's right here in PoA." Meg opened Melody's copy of PoA to
page 318 and read aloud.
 
'Flushed with his success, Harry hung around to watch Ron and Hermione. Ron
did very well until he reached the hinkypunk, which successfully confused
him into sinking waist-high into the quagmire. Hermione did everything
perfectly until she reached the trunk with the boggart in it. After about a
minute inside it, she burst out again, screaming.
"Hermione!" said Lupin, startled. "What's the matter?"
"P -- P -- Professor McGonagall!" Hermione gasped, pointing into the trunk.
"Sh -- she said I'd failed everything!"
It took a little while to calm Hermione down. When at last she had regained
a grip on herself, she, Harry, and Ron went back to the castle. Ron was
still slightly inclined to laugh at Hermione's boggart, but an argument was
averted by the sight that met them on the top of the steps.'"
 
"You see, clearly she fears failure. And we know that Harry fears fear. Both
of them fear being out of control.  And Cindy, you said," Meg said with a
click of her tape recorder.
 
'Then Harry will have suffered the most gut-wrenching failure of his life --
a failure that leads to the death of one of his two best friends. If
anything will give Harry the desire to defeat Voldemort once and for all,
that will.'
 
With a click, the tape recorder went back off. Meg continued, "But I ask
you, why does Hermione have to die? What happens if Harry acts like a
typical teenager and does something to lose Dumbledore's respect. He is a
teenager, no matter how we may put our ideas onto him, and teenagers do
stupid things. Something is going to go to far and Harry will have that
conversation with Dumbledore. Maybe Dumbledore will tell Harry that he isn't
applying himself in his studies, that Quidditch isn't everything, because
many times Harry seems to focus more on Quidditch than on his academics.
Harry is brighter than he lets on. He just doesn't apply himself. I think
Hermione takes both Harry and Ron's grades personally. She seems to be the
one to make sure that they study. For them to fail would devastate her.
Because then she hasn't proven herself as a friend."
 
Meg paused to let her words sink in. Melody took the opportunity to ask a
question. Melody asked, "So what are you saying Meg? That Dumbledore is
going to lose respect of Harry because of his grades? That is pretty weak."
 
Meg thought for a moment and responded, "No, I am saying that eventually,
something is going to happen to cause Harry to think that he has lost
Dumbledore's respect. That would spur Harry on to defeat Voldemort. That
sense that he has to prove himself to get back into Dumbledore's good
graces. And Hermione would be right by his side helping him because she has
the same desire to prove herself."
 
Meg stopped as she started to yawn. "Ok, I guess that is a sign that I need
to stop talking now and head back to bed. Melody, we can talk more about
this in the morning. Night." Meg gathered back up her blankets and headed
back towards her bed, secretly pleased that she had decided to stay at the
Safe House overnight.
 
--Meg (who apologizes for the tardiness of this reply but who has been sick
and who knows way too much about failure) 
 
Read the untold story of life as a first year medical student at:
As The Scalpel Turns - http://www.livejournal.com/users/megd/ 


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