Getting Harry Tonight (a filk)

[Haggridd]

No: HPFGUIDX 54572

I see that this has been a weekend for filks from the end of GoF set 
in the graveyard.  Allow me to add my efforts to those of Eric Oppen 
and of Pippin.

Here is a filk of "Getting Married Today" from Stephen 
Sondheim's "Company", titled "Getting Harry Tonight". (If I don't do 
one now, you will have filked all the Sondheim songs!)

Asterisks are use to set off italicized words. They are not meant to 
appear as asterisks.

You can find the original music at the following link:
http://music.barnesandnoble.com/search/product.asp?ean=724355560827

I dedicate this filk to that "Sultan of Sondheim", Caius Marcus.


                    Getting Harry Tonight


SCENE:  Harry is at the Graveyard in Little Hangleton, transported by 
the Tri-Wizard Cup, which, unknown to Harry, has been turned into a 
portkey by Barty Crouch, Jr.  Peter Pettigrew, Wormtail is there, as 
is Lord Voldemort.  Death Eaters come from far and wide at his 
summons via the Dark Mark.

CHOIR OF DEATH EATERS:
Praise this night, Dark Lord come in strife.
Foe's blood drawn by knife;
The bone dug up
Of his sire, as required, for life.

LORD VOLDEMORT:
Tonight you're mine, Harry.
Harry, you are in my power. I'll give
You torture then I'll kill you,
It will seem like forever.
Tonight you're mine, Harry,
You have but a moment to live.

HARRY:
Pardon me, am I supposed to be here? 'Cause if 
I'm supposed to be here I should like to know
What happened to poor Cedric; and what's more, 
I'd like to find out what has happened to the tournament.  I've seen 
your ilk before, but not so many at one go.  Yet even so you do not 
frighten me 
a bit because I know you all are bullies, craven cowards who must 
hide behind those silly masks.
 
Apropos, though, I laugh at your Jinxes. 
"Crucio" me; I've beaten the Sphinxes. 
Big "Hello," but you're not getting Harry tonight.

CHOIR OF DEATH EATERS:
Praise this night, servant made the slice,
Willing sacrifice.
The hand struck down
Did suffice, paid his Master's price.

HARRY:
Listen everybody, look, I don't know what you're waiting for.  A 
duel? What's a duel?  It's a prehistoric ritual where everybody bows 
to one another then they raise their wands and utter the most 
horrifying incantations you have ever heard and then it dawns on you 
and suddenly you realize you're saddled with a nut who wants to kill 
you if he can.

So, farewell, boys; you're not getting Harry.
Stop that spell, boys; you're not getting Harry. 
I'm your foe, boys; you're not getting Harry.
Stop the show! boys; you're not getting Harry;
And "I say No," means you're not getting Harry tonight.

O my! I must fly!  
It's too bad, I'd just love to stay.
Goodbye! Go and cry,
At our parting you will ache.
I must flee!  Pardon me,
Hear my plea that we end our play.
You see?  *C'est la vie*
No, it won't be Harry's wake.
 
Listen Voldemort, I know you'll try to use the 
Killing Curse on me, but you must realize that 
I have Curses of my own, like "Jelly Legs" and 
"Leg Locker" and don't forget, "Expelliarmus".  
Both of us will be at risk.  Yes, not just me alone.  I know, 
however, that this fight will have but one outcome.  When it's all 
over, Voldie, you'll be rotting in the midden with the other garbage.

Do your worst, guys; you're not getting Harry.
Won't get cursed, guys; you're not getting Harry.
Gotta go, guys; you're not getting Harry. 
"Tally ho!" guys, you're not getting Harry.
No quid pro quo, guys; you're not getting Harry 
    tonight!

CHOIR OF DEATH EATERS:
Praise the sight, Dark Mark in the skies.
Death's Head and Snake Eyes.
We see its guise
On our arms as alarms do rise.

LORD VOLDEMORT:
Tonight you're mine, Harry--

(HARRY interrupts him to sing a quodlibet {see note below} with LORD 
VOLDEMORT, whose part is printed before HARRY's.  NOTA BENE:  a 
quodlibet is where two different lyrics set to two different melodies 
are sung at the same time.)

LORD VOLDEMORT:
Harry, you are in my power.  I'll give
You torture then I'll kill you,
It will seem like forever.
Tonight you're mine, Harry,
You have but a moment to live.

HARRY:
Look, Lord Voldemort, you didn't know this but we have the same wand 
cores; inside are phoenix feathers taken from the same bird and that 
leads to a phenomenon most rare, the spell Priori Incantatem, which 
has brought me friends who give me the support I need:
The ghost of Cedric Diggory;
Shadow of Frank Bryce the gardner;
Shade of Bertha Jorkins;
and the simulacra of my parents.
(end of quodlibet)

LORD VOLDEMORT:
Grief and woe!

HARRY:
You're not getting Harry!

CHOIR OF DEATH EATERS:
Amen!

LORD VOLDEMORT:
Fear and dread.

HARRY:
No, you're not getting Harry!

CHOIR OF DEATH EATERS: 
Amen!

LORD VOLDEMORT:
Pain you'll know!

HARRY:
See, you're not getting Harry!

CHOIR OF DEATH EATERS:
Amen!

LORD VOLDEMORT:
You'll be dead!

HARRY:
Still, you're not getting Harry!
*"Impedimenta!"*  You're not getting Harry tonight!


(Harry runs back to the Tri-Wizard Cup portkey to bring the body of 
Cedric Diggory back to Hogwarts.)

-Haggridd