TBAY: OOP, Reverse FITD, and other theories (or Serena goes on vacation)

[Serena Moonsilver]

No: HPFGUIDX 58878

Please excuse me, but this my first venture into TBAY.  So if I step 
on anyones toes, my deepest apologies.

*********************

It's a warm May day in the TBAY.   The waters seem relatively calm as 
most of the ships have docked in anticipation of book V.   The sun is 
shining and it's unusually warm for May.

Floating in the TBAY is a solitary figure in a RASPBERRY life 
preserver.  Her name is Serena and she is new to the TBAY.  She is 
wearing a beat-up pink swimsuit, which she has mended by covering the 
holes with gaudy gold bows.  Her long brown hair is pulled up into 
two meat-ball style buns.   Next to her floats a basket containing 
copies of cannon, a notebook, some mechanical pencils, and a couple 
of cases of Stewarts Root Beer.

Serena splashes the water with her toes a bit as she finishes off a 
bottle of root beer.   She then grabs her notebook and a pencil a 
writes:

"The reason Harry is upset about Ron being Keeper on the Gryffindor 
team is that Harry gets kicked off the team and now is jealous of Ron"

Serena promptly rips the page out of the book, roles it up, and 
stuffs it in the empty root beer bottle.  She then procedes to chuck 
the bottle into the bay.

She grabs another root beer and starts drinking.  As she drinks, she 
picks up her copy of Goblet of Fire and starts reading.  When she 
finishes her root beer, she pulls out the notebook and writes:

"Evil! Hermione!  Everyone else get accused of being evil, why not 
Hermione?   Maybe she's actually a spy for Voldermort.  No one would 
every suspect her!"

Once again she stuffs the note in the bottle and lobs the bottle into 
the crystal blue waters of the bay.

Serena continues in this manner for awhile, littering the bay with 
all sorts of theories some good, some bad, some downright silly.

As she floats along, enjoying the Triwizard Tournament for the 300th 
time, a ship pulls along beside her.

"Are you responsible for THIS!" a voice yells at her from the ship.

Serena looks up.  A large crowd is on the deck of this ship and they 
all look very angry.  The one who yelled at her tosses a piece of 
paper in her direction.  It reads:

"Harry and Hermione are destined to be together.  Their names both 
start with the letter H."

Serena looks back up and realizes that this is the R/H ship.

"So, what if I did?" she replies calmly.

"Well, you can't do this!  Not if you're going to stay in your 
RASPBERRY lifepreserver.  You've obviously chosen a ship so you 
better go get on it."

"I have not chosen any ship, haven't you figured out why I drink 
Stewarts:  Serena Theorizing Everything Will Always Rate Trouble 
Soon."

The crew of the R/H ship stare at her confused.

Serena sighs, "I like coming up with theories, sometimes controvesial 
theories.   But instead of hanging around to defend them I toss them 
out for others to debate, usually fiercely, and just watch the 
carnage."

"So you purposely wrote this just to make us mad?"

"Not to make you mad, but to make you think.  It's always good to 
challenge what you believe."

"Ok, then.  So do you have any R/H theories?"

"No," Serena replies calmly.

"Aha!" they shout, "We knew you were actually a H/H shipper!  Prepare 
to walk the plank!"

"First of all," Serena replies, "I'm already in the water so walking 
the plank is pointless.  Secondly, I'm not a H/H shipper.  Thirdly, I 
don't have any R/H theories because they don't exist.  R/H is 
practically cannon, it probably will be after book V."

The R/H shippers ponder this for a moment.  Many of them look a 
little disappointed.

Serena rolls her eyes.  She grabs her notebook and scribbles 
something down.  She proceeds to cram it into an empty bottle and 
toss it on the deck of the ship.

They crowd around the bottle and pull out the note.  It reads:

"Reverse FITD.  Ron likes Hermione, Hermione likes Ron.  Harry likes 
Hermione.  Ron and Hermione get together, and Harry feels like a 
third wheel, alienating him from the trio.  Because of this, Harry is 
weak and can't defeat Voldemort unitl he reconciles with them."


The R/H shippers give Serena a strange look.

"Well, what did you expect.  The book is HARRY POTTER and the 
whatever, so most theories are going to revolve around him in some 
way."

The ship departs quietly, and Serena returns to her books and root 
beer.  She writes:

"Snape is a red herring.  He is not an Important! character.   He's 
not going to save Harry or defeat Voldemort.  His only purpose is to 
make sure that Harry does not have an easy time doing anything.  He 
exists to gum up the works.  He is not some saintly anti-hero."

She stuffs the note into an empty bottle and tosses it into the bay.